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Numbness

Posted by anonymous at March 21, 2012
Tags: 2012 March  Philosophical

I don't judge people based on their skin colour, sex orientation or their faith. I don't think people who finish college or who have some sort of degree are better people, or smarter or more informed than people who didn't finish college and have no degree. I am a person who thinks college isn't for her. I'm in college, but am not going to my classes and will soon drop out. I just didn't find happiness there. Studying and doing this for a degree just so I can feed myself and pay the bills and if all goes well maybe have a bit more money for some other little pieces of happiness. I don't know what to do really. And I don't know how to find something. I know that if I don't do nothing I will one day end up homeless and desperate. So obviously I need some security and something long-term. I don't know how to find that. I don't live in America so I can't have a job without a college degree and still live a comfortable life. And even if I did live there how would I survive. I want to learn how to live and survive. I just don't see happiness in living everyday the same or similar. Getting exited for working a whole year just so I could go on a trip somewhere for 7 days, in the best case scenario of course. I find happiness in small things. Listening to music, singing, reading, going out sometimes and travelling. Nothing spectacular. But the thing is you can't do that if you don't have the money for paying the bills. If I had all the money in the world I'd probably go travel and have a home to come back to where I could just read do the stuff I just mentioned. I would get bored of it. I just feel numb. Always feel like nothing really matters. People making drama over things that could be solved easily. I won't talk about my life, it hasn't been easy, and a lot of shit has happened. It was hard and still is. But I have a roof and have a comfortable enough life. It's just that even with every problem someone has they still live. Nothing is that horrible that you can't live or go through it. Or you would be dead. But I'm alive and nothing really matters. The internet and reading any sort of thing like that, an illusion of what life really is, is the only thing that keeps me going and keeps me okay. But for how long can I do this? It seems that people who are evil have it best. Taking advantage of others and getting what they want and not caring. It's a form of survival. I don't get anything any more. I don't know what to do. I can't go to a professional obviously this is why I am here. Hoping to get an epiphany. Hoping someone would save me, tell me how life is and tell me the key to it all. Other people have it worse, but it doesn't change the fact that I am unhappy. Yes, even with my home and food I am unhappy and this is all that matters. How can I change this? How can I start to care? What should I do?


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Pain and Numbness May 13, 2012
trapped July 16, 2011
Bad Moon Risin' April 22, 2012
I hate my life April 8, 2012
just a fucked up fuck up April 25, 2012



New Comment

Comments:
By Truth at 21,Mar,12 16:23

Mr. Hadron next door died yesterday, and I'm so fucking happy about it that as a gift to you I'm going to give you the key to life, as it was given to me. That Hadron was a cocksucker, and I hated him. He used to put his extra recyclables in my empty recyclable bin, and then put it out on my curb on the morning of trash day. Recycling is a bullshit outdated process that takes more energy than it saves, plus, if you switch just 2 letters around in that bugfucker's name, it become Hardon, which is kinda funny.

anyway, this remarkable secret came from this time I had a seance with someone's dog who she let out and it got run over. She blamed herself, so to help her I got in touch with "woofy", whose dog spirit gave the little pole dancing tramp some peace. Woofy was met at the edge of death my Jeebus the Holy labradoodle. Jeebus licked the little sharp stump of bone protruding out of woofy's stub and cut his tongue, but it magically healed itself from the power of the lord...then, he comforted woofy by saying "ruff" , and helped woofy into the light.

Now, in the seance i was able to speak to woofy through the magic of Jeebus, who translates dog into human with a slight maine accent, but since woofy wasn't dead yet when he was given the secret of life eternal, it does not translate, so i don't know what the fuck it means, but it's the secret of life, and now I've given it to you..

You're welcome, ungrateful cow beast!
By anonymous at 21,Mar,12 21:28

You are not sure of anything but the fact that you judge others because you also live a shitty life. I recomend some Ayn Rand so you focus on yourself and don't come to this website and judge others if they are right or wrong. You are welcome angry man.
By anonymous at 21,Mar,12 23:26 Fold Up

Good luck with your sad life, you need it, angry man.
By Truth at 22,Mar,12 00:49

How's the weather in Jamaica, coonfucker? Ya Mon...4:20


By Bendon at 21,Mar,12 16:36

I feel the exact same way, i'm extremely privileged as i go to a private school and my family are very comfortable, however this is what makes me feel worse, the fact that i'm surrounded by greedy selfish people who don't question anything in life, they just want to get alot of money and get drunk and buy the latest brand clothing.

I sit there in my Classes and listen to all the pointless crap that comes out of my teachers mouth, about protons and particles etc.. none of which really has any meaning to us as a person, it doesn't improve us morally or spiritually it's just a load of crap.

I'm failing my exams at the moment as i have no motivation to do anything which involves modern society, i hate what science has done to our planet, i hate all unnecessary technology and most of all i hate the fact that society thinks they need it! i think we'd be better off living a simple life like an African tribe, in fact this is nearly all i think about, i just want to live on an remote island and enjoy the wonders of our planet not having to worry about slaving away to earn enough money to survive just so some fat ass can get rich, not being judged because i don't own a nice car or wear nice clothes as i see all of this as pointless!

I hate almost everything about society, i hate religion, i hate the concept of money, i hate how all children care about nowadays are games consoles and i-phones! Where's the love for our starving neighbors in Africa, or the poor children working in sweat shops in India? Our world is seriously fucked up and i know that it's not going to get any better, it's a never ending black hole of greed, murder, a complete lack of compassion for others and as you said it makes me feel completely numb inside.

I see myself as a very natural person, i find that i'm happiest outside eiher hiking, playing sport or generally keeping fit. The ways I make my days feel alot better are by not caring about anything and just let everything blow over you, avoid negative people and negative places as they just drag you down and make you feel worse. The best thing however is get really fit, be at one with your body, take up yoga this is very very good and extremely relaxing, eat properly and cut out alcohol and rubbish that will put stress on your body, not only do you feel great but you look great which again in-turn makes you feel even better.

One thing i'm going to do is spend 3 weeks volunteering in kenya, helping out the community and get away from all the drags and crap of home life, no technology, no crappy pop music, no spoilt westerners just real people with a real community in which everyone cares, go back to basics. I have a slight feeling that once i get there i won't want to leave, i may even move out there permanently or somewhere similar.

Just remember that you're not alone, people are in the exact same boat as you! If you haven't already read the book i suggest reading Into The Wild bu John Krakauer, or watch the film (it's brilliant). This should inspire you to take actions, there's always something you can do!
By Truth at 21,Mar,12 18:05

Yes, please stay in Kenya! That's where our president is from!
By anonymous at 21,Mar,12 21:21 Fold Up

You are feeling like this because you are neglecting your true nature, please read Ayn Rand and you will know.
By anonymous at 21,Mar,12 23:25 Fold Up

I've read and watched the movie. It's so beautiful. I'm taking it into consideration. Doing something with meaning and being in touch with people. While I was writing this whole thing, the book and movie were in my thoughts. I just have to find something like you. And see where I should go from there. Although I must say, I don't think that technology is to blame but the people who don't use it well. Everything is alright to a certain point. It's just that people don't limit their selves and end up losing themselves in the way. Taking things for granted and such. We are all different. I think science has helped us so much. And do not think it is a bad thing. People are to blame for their own unhappiness. But that's how it is. Nothing is perfect and there will always be different kinds of people...Balance it all out. Yes. It makes me feel better, knowing there are other people who love nature and want to do something to help other people. I really wish you all the best, from the bottom of my heart. I hope I will also somehow learn to survive in this world...Thank you for taking the time to help.


By Titia at 30,Jun,12 04:38

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