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Feel I've hit rock bottom.

Posted by anonymous at March 27, 2012
Tags: Attitude  Failure  2012 March

I live alone in a derelict, damp-ridden house with my obese, disabled mother. She's not completely dependent on me but I can't leave her alone for more than a day and GOD doesn't she nag and interrogate me. She nags at what I'm wearing, constantly tells me men are vile and I must have nothing to do with them, watches and questions my every move. I wanted to be a doctor and was at sixth form college in the nearby city doing the appropriate A levels... but I somehow got addicted to cocaine and I've left college after failing all my coursework. My mother doesn't know, she thinks I still go there every day, I daren't even imagine what her reaction will be when she eventually finds out. I've started fucking men just to get drugs. I'm anorexic. I suffer a pathological jealousy of my cousin because she's so thin and beautiful, and can't stop myself trying to jepoardise everything she does, even though we used to be friends. Worst of all, I have abnormal sexual fantasies of causing pain and injury to men I find attractive. The one time I've had sex for enjoyment rather than drugs, which was the time I lost my virginity, I ended up slapping the guy hard round the face and scratching him. I don't think he's told anyone but I feel like I must be psychotic. Even so, I still can't help thinking about it when I masturbate... which brings me to the horror of what happened last weekend. I forgot to lock the bathroom door and I was naked in a crouching position quickly doing the business before I made Mum's lunch. I was facing the door but not paying it too much attention and before I knew it it was open and I saw Mum looking at me in shock. I was too close to the edge to prevent it so I had a horrible, nightmarish orgasm looking her straight in the eye. Needless to say, the atmosphere between us has been awkward and uncomfortable beyond belief since then. Things have hit rock bottom. I'm spending as much time away from home as possible but it's all blow jobs and painful, dry sex just so I can trowel more coke up my nose and get out of things a bit. I'm sick of being pawed at all the time. I hate myself for everything. I'm only seventeen and I don't know how this has happened to me.


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By at 28,Mar,12 06:09

you're a promiscuous 17 yr. old bitch and you deserve that crappy life!
By anonymous at 08,Nov,12 13:11

You're a wankster who is jealous because he's not getting laid.

By Cursed at 28,Mar,12 14:52

Hi sweetie-
Well, I betcha, most of that sexual aggression that you're feeling is due to your situation. You must feel trapped? Hence, your lifestyle of trading sex for drugs. There is too much pressure on you, taking care of your mum, and there is no outlet. The sadomasochistic tendencies you're experiencing is probably a defense mechanism for all of the angst you're dealing with- that would be my guess. Being angry at men makes sense, considering, what your going through-
Is there anyway that you can quit on your own? Being treated like a piece of meat, would depress anyone. Would it be possible for you to get help in the house, so that you don't have to shoulder all the burden? Maybe someone that could come stay with your mom, for a few hours, to relieve you, and that way you can enjoy a few hours of "Me Time?"
You gotta get off the drugs babe- they are only going to spiral you further into the hell, you're already living...
You know what to do- it's going to be hard. Drugs are so much easier. But you only have yourself. No one is going to rescue you. They want you to be as miserable as they are-
Try to reach out and find a friend. Someone who isn't interested in fucking you. Or use you for drugs. At such a tender age, you are shouldering a huge burden. My heart goes out to you dear...
Be strong- for you.
We are all rooting for yah kid!
By at 01,Apr,12 23:17

I nearly cried reading this bit of feedback, glad not everyone just finds me funny, thanks for the advice : )
By anonymous at 20,Sep,12 12:24 Fold Up

Dude I live in africa so these kind of stuff are taboo to me I however feel being gay is a sinful and you should probably give not even though to earn money or whatever do that stuff I'm only sixteen hell I'm only on this site Cause I was depressed about failing my biology test but u know god knows what he has in store for u so be patient

By Truth at 28,Mar,12 16:06

Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! That's fucking priceless! You're crouching there flicking the bean and don't notice your gimp mom watching you until you're past the edge. OH HOLY FUCK that had to be a great face! All grimmaced up , moaning, as your belly contracts and your little asshole pumps. It felt great and horrible at the same time!

Well, if you can afford coke, then you can buy yourself some lube and slather it on the bajinky of yours. Then, all the slime bags you fuck for coke won't get rug burn on their manflute!

Seriously though, I hope your mom catches you again and you post about it here.
By Tony Kickass at 10,Apr,12 15:44

Hahahahaha holy crap mate "flicking the bean" hahahahaha If you only knew how hard i fucking laughed at your comment, nice one pmsl

By anonymous at 28,Mar,12 19:25

WHAT THE FUCK did u just read??????

By anonymous at 01,Apr,12 00:08

You need Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, and to forsake the bondage of drugs, illicit sex out of wedlock, and cast your burdens onto him.

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."
-Matthew 11:28
By at 01,Apr,12 23:23

I don't think I believe in God but thanks anyway.

By at 01,Apr,12 10:44

im not surprised.there see ms to be no way out.i was similar at 17 but no help from drugs friuends drink knew nothing exept masturbation
ended up having a right mental must gst some help lass start at your own doc dont bother what everyone says get some help.
By at 01,Apr,12 23:18

Thanks, hope things are better for you now.

By at 21,Jul,12 09:50

I hope things have improved for you?

By anonymous at 11,Sep,12 23:45

Everyone on here is rude! K.g.
Shit happens ? I'm dealing with emotional stress from a rape and an abusive father. I've dealt with drugs and alcohol. It's an
Up hill battle. Fuck the people who make fun of your tough life and fix you for you.

You may love your mom, but she scard you an you need professional help. Get on your feet again.good luck.

It will all get better:)

By anonymous at 20,Sep,12 12:28

Yeah everything will be better but being gay is sick make sure no one else but the people u trust know of this and fix and set your priorities straight

By Xiomara at 10,Dec,15 16:22

I am forever indebted to you for this ininomatfro.

By Carajean at 24,May,16 19:19

sure that you ar#39en&;t the same Onur which is active on several Forums and has similar views as you?If so, than I am sorry. It seems I have confused you for a long time with a racist person who traces his ancestry also to Balkans (Bulgaria) and his nickname is Onur too.I will answer you later, when I got more time.

By washington dc at 28,Sep,20 13:12

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