I have just spent the whole day in bed.....again and it's been the hottest day of the year so far, this is a regular occurence for me lately as I just don't want to carry on. I am only 32 but have had nothing but bad experience, loneliness and rejection. At 18 months old my real Mum gave me up, she has a severe mental illness, my Dad brought me up with my step-mum step sister and half sister, I was blamed, mentally and physically abused and was admitted to hospital with depression and anxiety at the age of 13 through the unhappiness and loneliness I had at home. At 16 I was chucked out of home and my own depression got worse, at 19 I was admitted again to hopsital and moved away from the town my Dad and step mum lived, believing I would have a fresh start, I have constantly battled with severe loneliness ever since, I was with one bloke that loved but was sectioned at 23 (smoking cannabis) and it tore us apart. I have a series of disastarous relationships, liars, cheats etc and have no family where I live and recently let go of a whole social circle because they were using me and more interested in drugs. I have gone to university as a mature student and I am in my 2nd year but I come home to my own flat every night lost and lonely. I feel like I am cursed and that thins will not get better. I would love nothing more than to meet a great man have a family, security love and happiness which I have missed out on for so much of my life. I am pretty desperate and often think killing myself would be so much easier to this pain but I know I would never do it. Just wish things would get better, so unhappy. | |
Where is the guy that you loved? Smoking pot isn't the end of the friggen world. For christ sake it's a plant. A medicinal plant, that has been around since the 3rd millennium BC, and wouldn't actually be illegal, but thanks to Harry J. Anslinger in 1930 when he became the head of the "Bureau of Narcotics", specifically used scare tactics to pass the marijuana tax act of 1937, "effectively making marijuana illigal". Anslinger is responsible for racial themes in articles against marijuana in the 1930s and when presented with scientific evidence disproving all reasoning for the prohibition of cannabis, he still made it his "MISSION" to make it illegal.
With stupid movies about it being dangerous Mary-J has been unfairly portrayed by racist fucks that claimed it came from Mexico and made people lazy and crazy. Whatever. Find out the facts.
So, back to the boy you loved. What about getting back together. If smoking weed was the worst of his habits, I'd say, you're pretty picky.
At least he didn't abuse you? Take advantage of you? In anycase, if that's your standard, then it's your prerogative. And I'm not saying that drugs don't cause issues, but seriously, weed?
I don't know, seems like you're splitting hairs on that case. Find new friends who I guess don't smoke weed? Take your meds. Find a new boyfriend. Go online to meet people just as friends. Get outside, don't dwell on your past?
But if I were you- I'd give that boy a call, and get him back. You loved him afterall right?
Cursed
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