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My Life

Posted by Robert at March 30, 2012
Tags: Life Story  2012 March

This is my life. Just wanted to share.

Since as far back as I can remember I was physically abused and verbally abused by my dad. He'd beat me every week on a drop of a dime. He'd call me dumb and useless almost everyday. Cared more about his friends than his own kids. Gambled all of the families extra cash and never won cause he never knows when to get up and leave till he has nothing left. Didn't give two shits about helping me at school. If I didn't get something he'd just sigh and call me dumb and useless. I wanted this McDonald's glass cup that had the batman figures on them but he said no and like most kids I was sad and moved on. But one day he actually got it for me when we went to McDonald's and I was happy as hell. I used that cup to drink everything from that day on. I even happily drank milk from it and I didn't like milk because it doesn't sit well with me most fo the time. But one day his friend comes over with his son and when his son saw my cup he said he liked it. INSTANTLY my dad without the tiniest regard for my feelings just said, "keep it". Like nothing. I was shocked and said it's mine... He just said oh psssh it's just a cup. Fuck him. Through all the beatings and verbal abuse that shit hits me the hardest till this day. Guess getting beat and verbally abused got more normal than losing my favorite cup. As you might have guessed he wasn't much of a husband either. Cheated on my mom with prostitutes. Used to hit her when arguments got really bad. One night my mom woke us up and told us to gather our things and we got in a cab and left to the airport. We flew to San Antonio California and stayed with a friend of my moms. I was 11 then. Things were good. Then after about a year my dad comes back into the picture. Great... Eventually things get back to what they were. He cared more about himself and how baller he looked to his friends. We left him again. Moved to Boston. I was 15. Freedom from my abusive dad! Start hanging out with the wrong crowd but I didn't know it. I wasn't allowed out all my life living with him. He never taught me a thing. Only yelled at me and beat me. What's so bad about hanging with the bad crowd? I didn't know. Nobody told me. I had no experience. Went full retard and just hung out all day dropped out of school and did drugs. And then the biggest fumble of my life. I was so caught up in enjoying my complete and I mean COMPLETE freedom from any grown up I neglect brushing the entire summer that I ran away from home and the two years or so after that. Dental hygiene was non existent and I had no clue how important that was till 19. Then the self consciousness kicks in. Extremely self conscious. I used to be very talkative, loved to laugh and tell jokes. Now nothing because of my extreme embarrassment. You know those commercials of that lady saying she used to be the one in the corner of a party not saying a word cause of her teeth? That's real. It's not bs. Somehow I managed to get a gf. My embarrassment effected my 2 year relationship with her, too. I couldn't be and act the way I wanted with her because of my teeth. I wanted to laugh and smile and express myself to her the way she did with me but I couldn't. Eventually the relationship ended. It was on and off towards the end. With nothing going for me I joined the Army. Even with my messed up juvenile record I got in. Even with a 6th (that's when I dropped out) grade straight Fs education as far back as I can remember I managed to pass the Army asvab. Medic. That was the MOS I received. Guy lied to me. Said I was going to be an occupational therapist. Learned later on that they'll say anything to get you in. Make sure they put it IN THE CONTRACT. So I'm in. Pass basic at Fort Benning. Off to San Antonio for medic training. I'm shy around girls to begin with but with my teeth issue it's hell. I got hit on a few times by girls but too embarrassed to talk to them. Eventually I'm the weird guy that's not talkative. I did make guy friends so I wasn't a complete loner but that was in the barracks. Outside was a different story. I kept my mouth sealed. I wanted so bad to mingle, smile, laugh, and flirt with the girls. But I see the look in their faces when they notice my teeth. If there were ever a female repellent it'd be bad teeth. I can't take it anymore. I start doing bad in the classes. I start fucking up my opportunity. I go awol. My embarrassment because of my teeth was so bad that I go awol cause I just can't stand it anymore. I regret that decision till this day. I come home and I try hanging out with friends. My embarrassment turns into full blown anxiety. I start to sweat profusely in any social situation where I have to show my teeth in anyway. I eventually give up. Stop hanging out all together. Other than odd construction jobs with family members I have no social life. Been that way since at least 2005 till this very day. I can't get student loans for school cause of my military record code re4. Bad juvenile record. Can't get a license cause I have a speeding ticket in California that I haven't paid and can only pay by flying over to California to go to court for some damn reason. It's probably thousands of dollars by now since the ticket was over a thousand when it was issued for street racing. I was around 18 at the time. So now I'm 29 since march. No college degree. No career. Barely a job. $1,400 to my name. And still live with my mom. I'm starting to make a move to get my life on track now. But my teeth will always be an issue. Evey job requires human interaction. My teeth is still a huge issue for me. I tried professional bleaching but it does nothing. This is the first time I've expressed this to anyone in this detail. The only other person in little detail is my sister but she just shrugs it off like it's not a big deal. She never have to live with bad teeth yet she thinks she knows it all. If you don't have bad teeth you just can't understand. I don't know. That's me. Thanks for reading.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 30,Mar,12 21:12

Why don't you research dental schools in your area and see if you can get vaneers put on for a reasonable amount of money. It would probably change your life around. Sorry to hear of all your pain.


By anonymous at 31,Mar,12 01:57

Open the phone book to the blue (government) pages & search out every opportunity you can find for grants or loans for school and definitely check with dental schools & clinics for the poor & underpriviledged and you can almost certainly get some dental work pro bono. Write to some dentists also, and explain your situation and you can very likely get some discounts that way as well. Good luck to you, it's only teeth, they can fix teeth these days with relative speed and ease. Do not let this issue steal one more moment of your life! You have suffered enough. And may your louse of a father rot in hell :( sorry to wish that on someone but the Lord will take care of it. Please concentrate on your first priority, which is to get your self-esteem to the level it should be, and if all that takes is a set of teeth veneers or implants or whatever, seek it out until you get it! Again, best of luck, you've had a hard life and good times are ahead if you use your resources :)


By at 31,Mar,12 16:07

omg.. I cant even think of anything to say.......FUCK YOU AND DIE...God save the Queen
By anonymous at 01,Apr,12 22:33

may God save your soul, mercy. i don't know what possesses you to say such things.


By matzcrorkz at 04,Aug,14 00:01

8Lzvlj Thank you ever so for you blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.


By crorkz at 05,Aug,14 01:36

zWH56D Wow, great article. Will read on...


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