I am 23, and a virgin. I never had a relationship, just don't know how to do it, so I surfed the net and tried to learn some tricks for hooking up with women, nothing worked and in the process I developed such a low self esteem that I couldn't even function. I had severe anxiety issues, whenever I was around somebody or in a social situation I couldn't function normal, I would stumble upon the things in my way, I would try to walk like a macho man just to hide my anxiety which would make me look like I am gonna beat the hell out of somebody, so it only scared the people around me. I approached this girl called Tanya in my college and she gave me her number. But I didn't know where to take the relationship and I messed it all up. I used to see her in the college everyday and it only deppressed me further. My grades fell dramatically and no one could understand what was wrong. I kept doubting my body language all the time and always felt like there is something wrong with what I am doing, maybe I should do it some other way, like they do it in the hollywood movies, but was never satisfied with myself. The deppression became severe and I started to experience episodes of vomiting. I would puke everyday in the shower. Things got worse, and I wanted to end my life, not because I hated it, but because it became difficult for me to operate normally in society due to the anxiety. I stole 5000 bugs from my home and asked one of my friends to buy me a gun and told him that its one of my friends who needs it, but the truth was that I wanted to kill myself. But it was election time so he told me that it will be very difficult to get a gun. Things were really all fu**ed up. I couldn't even talk to people and was always a reason for uncomfortable silences everywhere I went. Then I started experiencing headache and I thought maybe I should see a psychitrist. The psychitrist put me on anti-depressants and seemed like they were working and I was feeling better. My headache was gone so were my vomiting episodes, and recently things were looking better so I asked my psychitrist to reduce my dose. But two days ago I saw a girl and I approached her, we exchaged numbers and yesterday the two of us had a lot of beer together and then I asked her if we could have sex, she stripped in the back seat of my car, but for some reason I couldn't manage an erection so I didn't do anything more than a little kissing and foreplay, and today I don't know why I seem to be slipping into the same deppression zone again despite my meds... | |
It's not uncommon, in the face of panic and pressure to lose the ability to "perform". So, give it another try- in a more relaxed, non-impulsive setting, and I'm sure you will be fine-
Good luck-
Cursed
Am i hoping things will get better? Idk. Am I taking deppression pills? Yes at 40mg once a day. Even though it only seems to "mellow" me out and not cause the deppression to cease alltogether I am still trying to hang in there because for some reason i FEEL that it will get better. Im not a optimistic guy, but atleast i still have hope.
New Comment