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A life of abuse and rejection.

Posted by RoyallyFdUp at March 31, 2012
Tags: Attitude  Family  Health  2012 March

I've never been a terribly happy person. I had it tough growing up and life has always been hell for me.

I was raised by my abusive alcoholic father: my first memory is being beaten up against a wall by him: being held by my throat and lashed with a belt. The mistreatment went on all through out grade and high school. I ended up in foster care twice, and my sisters ended up in an orphanage when I was in college (which I dropped out of to help them). On top of this my mother left when I was three and my father told me she was dead. Just recently I was messaged on MySpace and was contacted by my stepsister in west Virginia who told me my mother was alive and well.

I went to visit her, as she told me she had something very special planned for us. She proceeded to pull out crack rocks and offer me a smoke. I did it because I was scared and never had the acceptance of my mother, so I didn't want to ostracize Myself. To this day my parents both are worthless and neither one will help me with anything in my life. They are dead to me.

I have degenerative disc disease and outrageous continuous daily pain inu back which is nearly crippling. I can't find any doctor willin to treat me and suffer daily because of it. I started buying pain medicine on the street to take care of my back and now I've ended up hooked. I wake up every morning in a sweat and cold: pain wracking my body and feeling like shit. I just can't get off the pain medicine and it's making me do crazy stuff.

On top of this: I am a hyper intellectual with an iq of 163: and lots of ideas and an entrepreneurial mindset. I am simply unable to accomplish anything in life and have no desire to work for some other business. I want to build my own businesses but it seems as through it'll never materialize. As Calvin and Hobbes once said: "there is no greater burden than a great potential."

I just want it all to stop. I don't want to wake up again. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm Really tired of all of this and just want the rest and peace I deal is owed to me for such a shitty life. Would anyone blame me?


Similar Entries:
my life sucks as bad as everyone else February 4, 2011
loneliness April 14, 2010
acceptance September 17, 2011
cursed suffering March 15, 2012
Anyone else feel deceived? May 1, 2012

New Comment

By Cursed at 01,Apr,12 14:55

How about surgery for your back? Do they have a procedure that isn't too complicated to relieve your pain? Drugs will only mask your problem- and it sounds like they are not helping anyway?
I wish you the best and hopefully there's a solution to your pain-

By Connie at 06,May,13 00:16

Your honesty is like a becoan

By Viktoria at 07,May,13 01:09

There is a good reason why a lot of older pianting the women are rather chubby, although by no mean obese. I imagine without modern medicine that kind of body shape is probably best for child birthing and rearing.What we commoners find attractive is often set by society elites. Back in the middle ages the elites are the ones who can eat well enough to have extra meat on their bones. Likewise, in China and other nations the elite are the ones who can stay indoor all day and thus lighter. (explaining part of Asian\'s obsession for whiteness).Likewise, the elite today are on the ones who can eat healthy and can exercise, thus they set the new standard of beauty.And just to make this relevant to Asian and this blog\'s favorite topic. Most of the richest and most powerful nations in the world today are white majority. Even the few rich non-white nations (with the exception of China) are geopolitical subordinate to the West. Even China looks up to the West as its model in many ways. Thus, white are associated with elite.

By anonymous at 02,Jun,13 18:15

Why would a mom offer her own kids drugs. And the worst drug in the world: crack. Have you ever walked thru the ghetto/hood. Thats where you'll see bunches of black folks strung out on crack. They are worthless pieces of shit. Your best bet is to get away and stay away from drugs and drug addicts. You hav the potential to be somebody. You won't have that chance being in the wrong environment and around the wrong ppl. Save yourself.

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