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What is the point?

Posted by anonymous at April 2, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude  Drugs

Imagine how it feels to be at 27 and knowing that your life will never be even 1/4 as good as it used to be. That is me. Every day I wake up hoping to die but I am too much of a f%^&^cking coward to kill myself. Beleive me, Ive tried but every time I get to the "moment of truth" I cannot go through with it. Lame, I know. I wish a f%^&in meteor would fall out of the sky and bash my brains out or somethin crazy, at least I might get a news article. But back to why I feel this way. I gre up in a pretty much perfect home, but once I got to college I started experimenting with drugs and before you know it I have a major opiate addiction. Well seeing as my career is a pharmacist that does not go together very well. I graduated pharmacy school and went to work as a pharmacist, did very well, 100K plus salary, unlimited access to drugs, life was amazing. Now after I am caught, Ill be LUCKY if I am alble to get a job at f&%^ing McDonalds. I know my pharmacy career is over because who the fuck would hire a pharmacist who was stealing drugs on the side? Wasted my entire education and basically the past 9 years of my life. My family has disowned me, no friends at all apart from other drug addicts that I met in rehab.. Completely broke, 100%. Unable to find even a minimum wage job cuz drug addicts are not even human in todays society. God I wish I had the balls to be able to end it all but I dont so my life will be a steaming pile of dogshit for the rest of my life


Similar Entries:
life is pointless July 24, 2010
Absurdism April 3, 2011
What's The Point? March 20, 2012
What's the point? December 22, 2010
What is the meaning of all this ? January 21, 2012

New Comment

By anonymous at 02,Apr,12 23:40

Okay. So it looks bad on your resume..... it is up to you to show any potential employer that you are no longer a liability . You know your shit, you graduated and you were making 6 figures, you deserve any of those jobs and fuck being put on the blacklist because you've got a say in it too. Dont give up, especially when it gets tough. You deserve to be drug free and have your life on track again.

It doesnt matter who wouldnt hire you, it only matters who would. And the only way to find out who will is to convince them your the man for the job. You are not defeated just because the odds are not in your favor.

By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 00:53

Yo, when I compare my life to yours at least on the face of it yours seems worse than mine but I've also had to go through a change in my expectations. I went to university for mechanical engineering expecting a good and interesting career and the approval of my family. I was lazy, got behind at university and now I'm working in construction after wasting about £21,000 on education and 6 years of my life...

I guess you could try becoming self employed and selling stuff or even window cleaning as self-employed? I think being self-employed you're kinda OK with a criminal record? If you were a pharmacist, you're pretty smart. If you get into abseiling and construction/window cleaning (ropes access), a number of the people I've met doing this are primarily climbers and seem pretty smart, we can have interesting conversations...

Opium addiction would be a problem on some sites but I've only ever been drug tested in a job interview (when I wasn't self-employed). You'd have to learn a skill (window cleaning without rope access is an easyish and cheap start but you gotta be fast). Learn how to clean on youtube and practice on friends windows.

Sorry about the detail. I dunno, do whatever the f*** you want.

Anti-depressants helped me a bit, maybe it was just placebo but yeah.

If all of this fails then give me an e-mail: and we can at least swap tips on the easiest, least painful way to die. I've started researching and might be able to help?
By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 00:57

by the way I also struggle with the balls to kill myself. I've got a method that would take barely any balls and would be instant and painless...
By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 01:04

lol what is that?
By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 09:20 Fold Up

ya.... tell me.. whats that?
By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 12:19

I sense I'm being baited by trolls. Why do you want to know?
By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 12:43 Fold Up

To avoid confusion, I wrote the post I'm replying to and also the post it's replying too.

By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 23:52

My opiate addiction is damn near impossible to kick, considering it treats my various mood/personality disorders more than a crop of shrinks & psych meds.

Good luck yo.

You have the knowledge & the brains, just need to prove yourself. It's not over; people here love stories bout second chances & picking yourself up again, beating the odds, & all that jazz.

People that aren't addicts just don't understand...

By anonymous at 11,Apr,12 14:33

I'm in exactly the same situation. 27, just graduated from pharmacy school last year, and started taking hydrocodone from work pretty much immediately upon getting my license. I lost my job and home, with no money saved up. I'm sitting in a drug rehab center, not knowing what the hell my future holds for me, feeling like I wasted 9 years of my life in school. All I can say is, complete treatment, stay in contact with your board of pharmacy (this may allow you to keep your license and maybe not have too many restrictions placed on it), and just try to get a job. It may take a while, but something thatgives me hope is the fact that another pharmacist who came through my treatment center is now working again (as a pharmacist) even after stealing pain pills from his previous employer. Although he wasn't arrested because the amount he was caught with was so small, this gives me SOME hope. So i'm trying to go by this: keep your chin up and even though we fucked up, it doesn't mean our careers or out lives are over.
By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 00:51

Hey there thanks for the encouragement. I am hanging in there just taking it day by day. I am doing what is asked of me by the board and shit, active in aa and my aftercare etc, but I know the hardest part about all of this will be actually finding a pharmacist job again. It is nice to know that others are going through this too, although I do feel for ya cause we got a loooong road ahead of us. I would like to keep in touch with you....
By anonymous at 03,May,12 01:06

I'd like to do the same. do you mind putting up some sort of contact info? We'll get through this one way or another.

By anonymous at 27,Apr,12 15:57


By anonymous at 30,May,12 14:01

Just checking to see if there's anything new with you. I'm the other pharmacist that commented on your post a while back. I finished treatment. Now I'm focusing on the court battle. I haven't even tried looking for a job yet, as nobody will hire me with a pending case and the possibility that my license will be at least suspended. Just checking to see how you're doing. I wish I had more words of encouragement but everything's sinking in and you're right, we have a long battle ahead.

By Satsuki at 10,Dec,15 16:29

I can't hear annytihg over the sound of how awesome this article is.

New Comment