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I hate my life

Posted by treetop at April 8, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Drugs

I had been a heroin addict . I finally got clean 10 years ago. I thought wow I finally got clean life is going to be great now my family trusts me, my kids love me, I have a great guy who loves me and I am a home owner which is awesome. but about 5 years into getting clean my back started hurting bad. I had to beg the doctors to give me an MRI and they found out I have a bulging disk and a bone hitting a nerve so I have sciatica and pain and numbness in my legs. And the doctors cant help me and my insurance wont pay for anything not even one day of physical therapy. they denied me surgery they denied me therapy they denied my scooter so I can get out of the house. well to make a long story short the pain is incredible and it keeps getting worse arthritis setting in the bones. they say I have degenerative disk disease but now I am on methadone and oxycodone and muscle relaxers and antidepressants. It just keeps getting worse and now that I can barely walk a block without sweating and sitting down. I have gained weight and then that makes it worse. Now I have a new problem my thumb locks up on me they call it trigger finger and the doctor did cortisone treatments but now my wrist skin is collapsing what in the heck is going on am I being punished for my past. i have got to the point that the only reason I get out of bed is to take care of my kids my girls 14 and 18 and my son who is 4 who doesn't understand why mommy cant run and play or walk to the park.? I have to drive him there and watch him play and it breaks my heart that I dont even know if I want to live another day but I know they need me. Doctors cant help me I have begged God to help me but I just sit around waiting to die.


Votes:


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Comments:
By anonymous at 08,Apr,12 19:16

My God.......your story is amazing and I think that your a brave and wonderful mother. You have GOT to keep fighting. Fight for you daughters, your son, your family, and yourself. You must not give up. I pray for you and your family. Even though it is hard you MUST try. Don't you want to give it your all before you die? I can relate my mother also has an illness, bit that did not stop her from trying and living her life. You can do the same! Try your best! Keep fighting! I know its strange getting advice from some stranger from the web, but my intentions are sincere. Take it or leave it. God bless!


By anonymous at 08,Apr,12 21:20

oh hun I have chronic pain every day IT SUCKS i TO AM ON DRUGS FOR THE PAIN AND EVERY ONE MAKES FUN oF ME AND I WONDER HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU LIVE WITH THIS PAIN I WISH THEY HAD IT FOR ONE DAY TO SEE MY LIFE YOU HAVE 3 KIDS WHO NEED YOU. mINE ARE GROWN AND DON'T NOT HELP AT ALL THEY LAUGH AT ME ROLL THIR EYES AT ME LIKE I'M FAKEING IT I MUST BE ONE HELL OF A ACTRESS! THE ONLY TIME I'M OUT OF PAIN IS WHEN I TAKE MY MEDS AND LAY ON MY BED I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND NO ONE ANYMORE WE HAVE CRAP HEALTH CARE TO.I HAVE ALREADY HAD 6 SURG AND THEY KEEP MESSING ME UP WORSE i KNOW YOUR PROBLEM CAN BE FIXED MINE CAN'T AND I AM OLDER YOU YOUNG AND DO HAVE A FUTURE HUN I MISS BEING A YOUNG MOM HAVE YOU TRYED PAIN MANGMENT? I'M THINKING ABOUT THAT. GOD BLESS YOU HUN HANG IN THERE YOU WILL HAVE LOTS OF GOOD TIMES AHEAD AND EVERY DAY THEY ARE FINDING NEW MEDS MAYBE THEY EILL HELP US. YOUR KIDS WOULD HAVE A BAD LIFE WITHOUT YOU EVEN IF YOU HAVE PAIN DON'T GIVE UP i WILL PRAY FOR YOU
By anonymous at 08,Apr,12 22:43

Use proper capitalization, please.
By anonymous at 09,Apr,12 00:45

NO FUCKING SHIT!


By anonymous at 08,Apr,12 22:40

Wow that's tough! Hang in there. I believe things can get better so please be stronger for your kids and for yourself. My heart bleeds for you, if it means anything.


By anonymous at 09,Apr,12 00:52

Words cannot express the feeling I get when I read a story like yours. So, I'll just shut up and go to bed. Not to be selfish like those fucking fucks on Twitter who announce every little fucking thing they do all day for eternity, but I'm tired. I think I'll also take a dump, brush my teeth, pet the cat, poke my pork, listen to some Porcupine Tree, breath some air, smell some moldy cheese, fluff my pillows, poke my pillows and say pillows, look up at the stars, and ask God, "Why does shit like the above story happen?" It just isn't fair. Deep Stingray Wall. The three most random words I could think of. Enjoy.


By anonymous at 09,Apr,12 18:36

Makes me realise how blessed I am to have been born on this side of the world. We pay ourselves silly to healthinsurances and taxes, but if we need something, we get it.

Girl, I am hoping for you that things will get alright and I am sure things will get alright. Maybe you can get a loan (make sure you can repay) and when you're all better you can get a job and work together with your husband to repay the debts. Knowing the economy, it will be hard, but it is a solution and maybe your family wants to support you too.


By anonymous at 10,Apr,12 04:25

Jesus said "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30 Jesus died on the cross for your sins, he loves you immensely, he can help you, he can change your life! Go to him, ask forgiveness of your sin and he will forgive you of all sin, accept him as lord and savior and he will give you eternal life.


By anonymous at 21,Jun,12 15:59

.I hate my life because i trusfed GOD . He must not be real either


By anonymous at 16,Nov,12 04:12

try a spell caster
www.babaelejoka.webs.com


By anonymous at 20,Jan,13 00:04

Some people react this way to methadone, after you have a big tolerance,and little pain relief. I m one. Withdraws are hell.


By anonymous502.myopenid.com at 21,Mar,13 20:01

having poor health is really hard. but all of those prescription drugs that doctors give you to make your pain go away or temporarily relieve certain symptoms do more harm than good. try homeopathic medicines and therapies. if you dont get up somehow and exercise you will slowly wither away physically regardless. you could also try fighting your insurance provider. really each and every drug while they bring you great highs (at this point just trying to stay normal) they have tons of side effects especially in the long term. it is up to you to gather enough strength to kick the disease. i used to be an addict. move away. change your life. basically your doctor is slowly killing you and your drug dealer.


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