At least half of my day is filled with thoughts about killing myself or just feeling that frustration that only a few people truly know. That frustration that you are alive and desperately want to be dead and to have never have existed.
Fuck reason, there seems to BE almost no reason why I want to die whilst other people seem so obsessed with living and enduring the pain and misery that is their miserable and often painful existence. Fucking hell, if your life is so shit why the fuck aren't you dead already or at least talking to me about how to commit suicide?! Fucking hell, what could possibly be worse to endure than a life with no meaning or scope for meaning; do you even realise how good you actually have it in that sense?
On the surface my life probably appears only a little below average. I dropped out of university, now working construction, still living at parents at 23 years old, forever alone, no real friends since I'm an absolute twat beyond what most people (probably even myself if that makes sense?) are able to comprehend etc.
One negative about almost constant suicidal thoughts is the fact that assisted suicide isn't legal so I can't even talk to anyone about how to kill myself safely without ending up disfigured and the only sites on the Internet that aren't censored are the ones that provide joke information taking the piss out of people who want to kill themselves. Basically just rubbing salt in the wound. What the hell happened to freedom of speech? I want to discuss how I can fucking kill myself without pain or the chance of long term effects if I survive. I want to be able to talk about whether it's possible to make plastic explosives with modern day bleach and about how to make a blasting cap and whether this is my best option.
Essentially I'm just a suicidal hipster having a whine on the Internet but fucking hell I wish I never existed and didn't have to deal with all you dickheads effectively using the mentally ill as free labour. If you see me in the street I would appreciate it if you were to shoot me in the head. | |
Just saying... you actually seem normal to me... lol
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