So I used to be so smart. At least I was known by that, even if people didn't like me. I hate people. They are hypocritical, superficial, and fake.
Being 'social' just means being able to kiss other people's butts and playing stupid games. Because I refuse to do that, I am stuck-up, rude or antisocial.
Screw everyone.
Anyway, I used to bury myself in books, learning, and work.
But then I got depressed, had panic attacks. So now I'm on antidepressants, anxiety meds. And somewhere along the way, I became stupid.
Now I'm stupid, ugly, fat, working a crappy job even though I have 2 degrees.
And there's not a single good thing in my life. I moved to California with my boyfriend, left everything else behind in Arizona. And my boyfriend hates me.
Every decision I've made has sucked. Nothing means anything. | |
It is just about the state of mind that we need to practice.
I am a very uptight and easily stressed person.
I am trying my best to chill out and be calm with the problems that come my way.
Sad to say my state of mind is not that healthy.
How I wish I can reprogram my mind to worry about important matters and ignore other things that is less important.
But I can not!
I am stuck in a place I hate because I need to sacrifice to make my partner happy.
Now I am the one who is insanely unhappy of this fucking place!!!!
No one to talk to, people are rude and bullies.
You need to work to survive and you give so much of yourself to your work and you are stressed out and unappreciated!!!!
If only I have my friends to hear my bleeding heart, maybe I will feel alot better in battling the demons in my head.
Help
But where we are is one of the toughest place to be on earth, America.
(I am not originally from here, USA and have been to many countries. So, I guess I am capable to say that.)
Here people fake and guess what they don't even know that they love it fake.
So what if you play the game, and you just don't show how you look inside yourself?
Meaning, nobody really trusts anybody, you ARE right everybody is a hypocrite (hey, we're just human after all..), everybody IS alone if you think about it, and the trick is to have a role in a certain social environment. So you could for ex. join a team of people who hate people, or maybe you could join some club of animal lovers (I hate people too.. animals ARE much nicer, more reliable & you can really always trust them!).
Maybe join some martial arts course and kick the hell out of that sand bag.
Sports can solve a lot of problems: you'll lose weight, you'll take your anger out on something & it will make you happy... as far as i know, by doing sports the brain gets fed with happiness in the form of some kind of hormone, as if you were eating chocolate let's say. Try for a couple of weeks and you'll see what i mean.
Respect yourself, don't be self destructive (meaning stop thinking about yourself as stupid & ugly!).
stfu
we will all die
bye
hey faggot, you dont need 2 cars, a big house, 3 times a day meal, diet snapples, and other redundant shit in your house
try minimalism, asceticism, buddhism, spiritualism, esotericism, etc fag-fag
Psh. Russians.
And your retared also.
Now bye.
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