it aint hard to fucking tell my life is a complete joke. i have moved around as a kid and always tried to impress my "friends" although thinking back on it they were not friends at all. when i was a young i just accepted being fat. like it was just my roll and to just laugh with people about it, well boy was i fucking wrong when you accept the roll of being a clown that is all people see you as, a clown. so my entire childhood while people were gaining relationship skills i was just a funny friend. well im 18 now and iv'e never had a girlfriend hell iv'e never even kissed a girl. my biggest problem is confidence, i can hang out with a girl no problem when im with my friends. hell even alone i have taken a girl out on a few dates but i just don't have the fucking confidence to try anything. i feel this is my biggest flaw, i wait to long to make a move and by then it is just to late. at first it was to awkward for me to really make a move im guessing because im shy but once i build the confidence to even consider it by that time the girl becomes uninterested in me and moves on, usually to a complete asshole and doesn't refrain from telling me all about him thus making me feel like even more of a piece of shit. this has happened to me 2 different times now and i just feel completely fucking pathetic knowing that no one is interested in me. i used to be really overweight but im losing weight now and it is noticeable but sometimes i feel the reason i cant get a girl is because im fat, then i see far more unhealthy people then me living a perfectly normal life. I guess im always just looking for an excuse for me to be lonely, at first it was my lack of a job, but once i got that nothing changed, then the fact i had no car yet now i drive a caddy and am still lonely as hell, my most recent belief is my weight. i know it is probably just me but i feel being a genuinely good person isn't going to get me a girlfriend as i have tryed and they just assume im looking for friendship... ughh idek anymore i just want something more in this life, i cant handle thinking essentially every day is the same boring useless shit.