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untitled story

Posted by anonymous at April 17, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude  Death

I know, once I tell you what is going on in my head, you will tell me to seek help... but I am passed that thing - I'm not going to do anything about it. I will quietly wait until something - something so bad will happen, that I will finish the misery. I hate life - every day of it, every minute of it. And this is horrific type of hate, the kind that withdrew me from friends and society. I am struggling - struggling to see anything there is. I keep asking why am I a coward to finish it. I think everything turned worse the day I saw death taking my love away - I realized the truth. I beat my self, because this is the only way I make my self do something.. not always but often. Very often I wish that my face would be horrific - so that people truly see what I am - from inside out. I knew I had problems - he, my dearest, had to witness the lack of my enthusiasm. Even though he passed away for medical reason, I know I quietly ate his life away. Someone, who was so full of life and happiness, living with someone who is dreaming about the death, will not last long. I lied to my self for t oo long... believing I can do it, I can change. But I didn't and I won't change...ever. I have no faith for life, I have no faith for people... I don't pity my self - I simply hate my self. The strongest hate there is.. if you'd be with me in the same room - I'd drain you.

I keep asking why do I wake up every morning just to wake up to another hateful day. And I can't talk... I can't hurt people more than they already are. Even then, telling won't change how I feel. There is nothing to life.. I do things which put me in to "red flag" folders... and oh, there is soon many of those.

Don't pity me - I see the truth, just can't accept it completely just yet!


New Comment

By anonymous at 21,Apr,12 09:16

I don't pity you , but understand exactly what you are feeling and what we hide away from the world, and it's like we dissapear from society .
I cannot offer you advise for I may be crazy because I just dont see the world as i once did .
I have started diving with sharks and doing some extreme sports with no fear, not sure if I have just a disregard for life or pushing the limits,
I wish the dreams I once valued so high a family , happiness, children maybe, well that's another story .
I value your life for you sound like you have a beautiful heart.

By missu at 05,Sep,12 10:49

my name is missu and I am happy that help me bring my boyfriend back, my boyfriend has started loving me again and he has promise to get married to me and have kids with me, he said he love me and he will never go close to any woman accept me and promise to get married to me next week.

By embracethedarkness at 10,Sep,12 23:17

omg, i think i have finally met my match. this is me. exactly how i feel and what i been thru. and its what i am now in how i see things. Bravo Bravo Bravo.. Thanks for your posts. I am being honest, this is me.

By anonymous at 27,Nov,12 05:02

Love your honesty ... I am the same as you... The same exact thing happen to me, I saw death taking my love away and there was nothing i could do about it. My dearest, passed away in my arms, my dear son... I am no longer alive, im a walking corpse... my body is my own coffin. I am in the same place as you...

By Diana at 29,Aug,16 17:14

Oh my Lord. Azeez, I GOT TERRY BACK. Im so excited, It only took a 3days for him to come home. bless divinity and bless god. i must be dreaming as i never thoughts he would be back to me after all this time. I am so much shock and just cant believe my eyes. thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart. because if not for Lord. Azeez i would have committed suicide!!! the email to contact him is lordazeez1990(at)hotmail(dot)com

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