Life is shit, I am 31 years old and still a complete loser. I don't have any friends and spend all my time alone in my flat on my computer surfing the web for useless things. I have never had a girl friend ever - I think I have AvPD, so it is extremely difficult for me to form friendships let alone relationships.
I think I am fucked in the brain as I tend to masturbate over ballbusting clips from films or porn. I watch too much porn on the internet; cumshots in a women's mouth, especially when they swallow or when they take it during a blowjob, are my favourite - getting a hard-on just thinking about it. I don't know how to motivate myself to make something of my life instead of always jacking off to porn; it is the only form of excitement in my miserable life.
I hate myself and always think about blowing my brains out (all the time when I am not thinking about porn), but don't have the guts to go through with it. My flat is a complete mess and I am too lazy to clean it. I want to live a better life or at least have the strength to commit suicide, but I can't seem to do either which means I am stuck in this miserable way of life. When I reflect on myself I feel so fucked up and ashamed of myself. Sometimes I pray to God (though I am not religious in any way) to kill me immediately as I hate this life or let me win the lottery - though it has never responded to any of my prayers, which draws me to the conclusion there is no God and there never has been. Now I just pray to myself to help myself, but even that is fruitless as I haven't got over my self hatred yet.
I still live in hope though that diminishes after each day, but soon the realisation will hit me when it is time to die, I just hope it will be soon!
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Go to the gym and buff it. You will feel a lot better about yourself. With more confidence and better shape you should have no problem with chicks. You know a lot of girls are pretty shallow. They go for your look or the size of your wallet.
Ask yourself what have you git to offer.
dont hate God for anything. theres so much we cannot understand and he really isnt to blame. if u want friends go and befriend the lonely. dont feed off your addiction and lay low away from the net and be outdoors. if u cant get out then do other things to keep u away from porns. work out, read, listen to inspiring music, or give out advices here like what im doing.
I pray God gives u strengths and guidance.
Hang in there buddy You arent alone. I hear where you are coming from.
Ditto to your Feel like a loser, Ditto to your No GF, Ditto to your ehem needs, Ditto to praying to the heavens and so forth. Though I still find it difficult day in and day out I have found this. If I do something that I love, ya I know people say this all the time, I feel busy. Keeping busy is what makes me happy. When studying, the hardest, I find it easy when I have energy. If Im in a real pinch Ill take a 5-hour shot and get an hour of work done then rest, play a game, and reset.
It would also help if you could give more detail about any job(s) you have, what you do in a typical week and weekend, what are your hobby(s), and of the like.
All I know is that for me when Im busy and hyper I do good. Wish I was ADHD rather than ADD, but eh thats why I shoot up with energy drinks and health bars. Not to mention taking things apart and blowing them up for fun during free time.
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