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I need motivation to die

Posted by anonymous at April 20, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude  Failure

Life is shit, I am 31 years old and still a complete loser. I don't have any friends and spend all my time alone in my flat on my computer surfing the web for useless things. I have never had a girl friend ever - I think I have AvPD, so it is extremely difficult for me to form friendships let alone relationships.

I think I am fucked in the brain as I tend to masturbate over ballbusting clips from films or porn. I watch too much porn on the internet; cumshots in a women's mouth, especially when they swallow or when they take it during a blowjob, are my favourite - getting a hard-on just thinking about it. I don't know how to motivate myself to make something of my life instead of always jacking off to porn; it is the only form of excitement in my miserable life.

I hate myself and always think about blowing my brains out (all the time when I am not thinking about porn), but don't have the guts to go through with it. My flat is a complete mess and I am too lazy to clean it. I want to live a better life or at least have the strength to commit suicide, but I can't seem to do either which means I am stuck in this miserable way of life. When I reflect on myself I feel so fucked up and ashamed of myself. Sometimes I pray to God (though I am not religious in any way) to kill me immediately as I hate this life or let me win the lottery - though it has never responded to any of my prayers, which draws me to the conclusion there is no God and there never has been. Now I just pray to myself to help myself, but even that is fruitless as I haven't got over my self hatred yet.

I still live in hope though that diminishes after each day, but soon the realisation will hit me when it is time to die, I just hope it will be soon!


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Drop Out with no Job or Friends April 22, 2012
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Losing hope... December 15, 2011
Broken! December 3, 2011
Why me???????.............Nobody understands me!!!!!!!!!!! March 15, 2010



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 20,Apr,12 10:07

I have wife and a girlfriend. Yet I still wank over internet porn sometimes. There is nothing wrong with it. The danger is if you do it excessively it may drain your energy from doing anything else.

Go to the gym and buff it. You will feel a lot better about yourself. With more confidence and better shape you should have no problem with chicks. You know a lot of girls are pretty shallow. They go for your look or the size of your wallet.

Ask yourself what have you git to offer.
By at 21,Apr,12 22:08

I'm under twenty years old I don't watch porn but I can relate to what its like to have no friends or haveing no relationship. I a lot of time want to die to because I feel like no one cares including my family but I think you need to kill the part of you that you don't like not yourself that's what I do. And now my life is getting better bit by bit and I promice yours will to


By anonymous at 20,Apr,12 11:22

Thumbs up with the first comment. I know exactly how you feel dude. I'm 21 yr old guy and i wank off to porn vid clips every fucken night in the toilet. I ponder on getting laid day in day out and i just can't seem to shake it off my mind. But my advice for you is don't hasten your death it will come soon enough. Take the smart guy's advice above and go from there. Good luck.
By at 20,Apr,12 19:00

No shit me too man, except the bathroom ofcourse. I go to parties and come out not have accomplished shit let alone talk to a girl. The only excitement in my life is when im playing soccer. No homo or anything but your cool man, you remind me of myself and its true what people say, theres someone outhere just like you.
By anonymous at 20,Apr,12 23:35

I play soccer, too. Though i'm no good at it lol. Have you tried online dating, buddy? Might work out for you.


By at 20,Apr,12 12:24

GOOD DAY OLE CHAP!! MIGHT I SUGGEST THE PAGE 3 GIRL. i DO UNDERSTAND YOUR DILEMMA, I HAD A WIFE, BUT SHE LEFT ME FOR A MIDGET WHO WAS A MAN U FAN. JUST BE THANKFUL THAT YOU HAVE TWO HANDS, IF THEY GOT CUT OFF YOU WOULD REALLY BE IN TROUBLE. I HATE YOU FUCKING JAMRAG! GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
By anonymous at 20,Apr,12 23:39

Seriously there's no need for that kind of talk here. I'm imagining how horrible you look for your wife to leave you for a midget. Nice try, asshole.


By anonymous at 20,Apr,12 13:54

my heart is crying for you.
dont hate God for anything. theres so much we cannot understand and he really isnt to blame. if u want friends go and befriend the lonely. dont feed off your addiction and lay low away from the net and be outdoors. if u cant get out then do other things to keep u away from porns. work out, read, listen to inspiring music, or give out advices here like what im doing.
I pray God gives u strengths and guidance.
Hang in there buddy You arent alone. I hear where you are coming from.


By anonymous at 21,Apr,12 11:16

You Rock!!


By anonymous at 21,Apr,12 17:30

You live a great lifestyle. Just imagine, you are the envy of Block D in San Quentin state prison. They would love to have your freedom. Stop crying and man up. Life sucks remember.


By anonymous at 21,Apr,12 19:58

too much wacking off causes hemmoroids,baldness, and more depression. moderation. Why would you think that God would answer your suicide prayer ? Get off your backside & accomplish something. It'll give you some self respect & you be thinking about something other than porn.


By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 12:57

I have no excitment in life. I life with my mom now. I use to live with my grandparents. Im 19 im to retarted to get a job. Im going to westwood for graphic design. I think then game art. I know im not going to do shit. I hate school and work. So like I thought I should never have got myself accepted in. lol. Your not alone, im even more of a loser then every loser put into one.


By /-\|\|0ny/\/\oÜ$ X at 20,Sep,12 23:08

Upset?Upset? Depressed? Is your life a pile of dog paste? Well then keep reading… ……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..Keep going……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..
Ditto to your “Feel like a loser”, Ditto to your “No GF”, Ditto to your – ehem – needs, Ditto to praying to the heavens and so forth. Though I still find it difficult day in and day out I have found this. If I do something that I love, ya I know people say this all the time, I feel busy. Keeping busy is what makes me happy. When studying, the hardest, I find it easy when I have energy. If I’m in a real pinch I’ll take a 5-hour shot and get an hour of work done then rest, play a game, and reset.
It would also help if you could give more detail about any job(s) you have, what you do in a typical week and weekend, what are your hobby(s), and of the like.
All I know is that for me when I’m busy and hyper I do good. Wish I was ADHD rather than ADD, but eh that’s why I shoot up with energy drinks and health bars. Not to mention taking things apart and blowing them up for fun during free time.


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