I have tried so hard to overcome this feeling of self hate and worthlessness, but that's all I feel. I'm an 19yr old, high school drop out. I am so broke I can barely afford food. I work at a cleaning job that pays like shit and the pain it causes, adds on to my fibromyalgia pain. I have had a troubled past and some horrific memories that carry on with me everyday. So many regrets, the guilt, the pain, the depression. Its hard to live life when you feel stuck. I tried to end it all before, and that's when my life wasn't as bad as it is now. I feel so lonely. I have lost so many friends and so much I care about. I always try and change it around and try and make myself happy, but it doesn't last long at all. Why do we live like this? School then work until you're too old to work, then you die. What's the point of living when that's all that's coming out of life. Being a lesbian in a homophobic family doesn't help either. I already feel like I don't exist, so why try and stay to fake it? There's so much going on with me right now it would take weeks to write. I can't help the way I feel though. Who wants to live in constant pain, emotionally & phisically, everyday & everynight.. I feel so lost in myself. I don't know who I am, or what I want to do. I just want to be..gone.