I don't usually do things like this, but today has been a bad day.
I know there are people out there who have harder/worse lives than me.
Do I care? At this point in my life no, no I don't. I used to.
Here it goes I guess.
I tried to kill myself when I was 15. I still want to die, I think about it daily. I'm 26 and my life is just shit.
I suffer from panic/anxiety, depression, poly-cystic ovaries, type 2 diabetes and a few other things. I'm overweight - tried dieting, just doesn't work for me. I'll lose 20 lbs and gain 40 back. I disgust myself. I'm not an ugly girl but I'm not drop dead gorgeous - guess plain Jane-ish. I have no self confidence.
I've been seeing a therapist,shit doesn't help. Been on and off of meds they don't do anything for me except zombify me.
I'm stuck living with/caring for my mother, sister, and nephew (he suffers from mild autism) I don't know what the deal is, it's like everyone here is helpless and can't do shit for themselves.
It's hard. Most of the time I have the patience to deal with him. But over the last 2-3 months its been harder. I've been getting irritated/angrier at/with him faster. And that makes me feel so horrible. I know he's only 4 and he can't help being the way he is.
He was extremely agitated tonight. If any of you know anyone with autism you may know how they can get when they're like that.
And tonight I just blew up. I have this fan in my room and every time he comes in he just will not leave the fan alone. I ask him to stop and he won't so tonight he was over there cramming stuff inside it and I lost it. I just jumped up grabbed the fan and bashed the shit out of it on my dresser. *sigh* I....
So I cried and cut myself and ended up here.
I have no one to talk to. I have one friend,and she only uses me.
So this is how life sucks for me, atm.
| |
You are not ugly! In God's eyes we are all created as masterpieces. We are like pieces of art work and as you know art comes in every type of shape and forms but no matter what its work of art and its beautiful and unique just like you.
Do not see as helping your family as a burden see it as you being a blessing to them. I know it must be too heavy for you but realize they need your support and how lucky they are to have you. I am sure you wish to be comforted and all this lifted off your shoulder but why not help the weak and you more than anyone can be the more suitable person cause you can feel what they feel.
Do not self harm youself, your family needs you and I need you to stay strong as we are the people who are outcasted in the world. Jesus suffered greatly and so dont despair cause we partake in bearing the weight of this world just as Jesus have.
My prayer goes out to you and may you find rest in Jesus, our Lord and savior. God Bless
New Comment