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Just another story.... A long one at that.

Posted by Bap at April 23, 2012
Tags: Anxiety  2012 April  Health  Juvenile problems

I don't usually do things like this, but today has been a bad day.

I know there are people out there who have harder/worse lives than me.
Do I care? At this point in my life no, no I don't. I used to.

Here it goes I guess.
I tried to kill myself when I was 15. I still want to die, I think about it daily. I'm 26 and my life is just shit.

I suffer from panic/anxiety, depression, poly-cystic ovaries, type 2 diabetes and a few other things. I'm overweight - tried dieting, just doesn't work for me. I'll lose 20 lbs and gain 40 back. I disgust myself. I'm not an ugly girl but I'm not drop dead gorgeous - guess plain Jane-ish. I have no self confidence.

I've been seeing a therapist,shit doesn't help. Been on and off of meds they don't do anything for me except zombify me.

I'm stuck living with/caring for my mother, sister, and nephew (he suffers from mild autism) I don't know what the deal is, it's like everyone here is helpless and can't do shit for themselves.
It's hard. Most of the time I have the patience to deal with him. But over the last 2-3 months its been harder. I've been getting irritated/angrier at/with him faster. And that makes me feel so horrible. I know he's only 4 and he can't help being the way he is.

He was extremely agitated tonight. If any of you know anyone with autism you may know how they can get when they're like that.
And tonight I just blew up. I have this fan in my room and every time he comes in he just will not leave the fan alone. I ask him to stop and he won't so tonight he was over there cramming stuff inside it and I lost it. I just jumped up grabbed the fan and bashed the shit out of it on my dresser. *sigh* I....
So I cried and cut myself and ended up here.

I have no one to talk to. I have one friend,and she only uses me.

So this is how life sucks for me, atm.


Similar Entries:
It is what it is January 17, 2012
My story December 6, 2011
story March 10, 2012
Yes, my life has turned into one cliche after another  September 18, 2011
Parents are RETARDED!!!!! August 24, 2011

New Comment

By at 23,Apr,12 21:33

hugieesss!!! I know that you are carrying so much loads in you but just know you have the inner strengths that not many have. Forgive yourself and move on. You are only human and you can only take so much and just know God is there to give you rest.
You are not ugly! In God's eyes we are all created as masterpieces. We are like pieces of art work and as you know art comes in every type of shape and forms but no matter what its work of art and its beautiful and unique just like you.
Do not see as helping your family as a burden see it as you being a blessing to them. I know it must be too heavy for you but realize they need your support and how lucky they are to have you. I am sure you wish to be comforted and all this lifted off your shoulder but why not help the weak and you more than anyone can be the more suitable person cause you can feel what they feel.
Do not self harm youself, your family needs you and I need you to stay strong as we are the people who are outcasted in the world. Jesus suffered greatly and so dont despair cause we partake in bearing the weight of this world just as Jesus have.
My prayer goes out to you and may you find rest in Jesus, our Lord and savior. God Bless

By at 27,Apr,12 15:32

yes I agree with jesusfreAk.Just keep thinking"it'll pass"and try to keep going.

By Hans at 05,May,13 13:32

Mitzi I can answer this bascuee my family lives down there! You are outside of my color planting schedule by about a month. The trick is, Las Vegas gets so hot in the summer, but you can grow almost all winter long. My book is really for a spring-summer-fall planting schedule. The dates I offer might work for you and others who live in warmer climates, but really have a spring-summer and a fall-winter season. I am very aware of your needs, and it’s on my list of things to research and write about. But honestly, I can’t speak from experience, only from my research. I encourage you to contact your local extension service ( for a recommended planting schedule.

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By lola at 20,May,16 01:50

My hat is off to your astute command over this to-crpbiavo!

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