going on 8 yrs sense i lost my mother to cancer yet the pain is still the same if not more due to the fact i have grown and realised how much of an impact it really had on my life loosing her.you know some people can take a big lost and do better put the team on they back and reach things never thought possible, sorry to say im not one of those people. my mother was the heart and soul of our family and MY rock and that showed when she passed. left me wit a step father (he's been there sense i was about 5 but theres always been that tension, felt it was because as i got older i started to look more n more like my real father, but thats another story) and 2 younger siblings who i feel for cause i suck at being the oldest. it made me grow up but at the same time i wasnt mentally prepared.
its funny when things 1st go down all you hear is "i know how you feel", "you need anything im here" i hated hearing these words, to be honest i still do. death teaches you who really cares...loosing her made me hate the world and everyone it because while im home torn down thinking about every moment i can remember wondering how the hell am i suppose to get passed this the rest of the world is still going on.
the lost affected how i interact with people, no ones been allowed to get close to me. theres only been 2 females that i fell for that has been able to see and come to understand that side of me but of course in the end both ended up getting hurt because there came that pt. where i couldnt give them my all
which kind of brings me to where i am now...
i have burned all my bridges, turned my back on so many people that genuinely cared about me, hurt the ones that showed nothing but love and now im by myself because yr after yr i hopped around (lived in 7 different states within the past 4yrs/alot of back n forth but havnt stayed no where more than 6 months) living in the moment, taking everything/everyone i had for granted and this shit sucks cause im only 24 looking back on my life like a old man doing the shoulda coulda woulda
just wanna start fresh. | |
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