My life sucks. In perspective of everything else, it is a pretty good life, but I can't help but feel sad and depressed. You feel what you feel I guess. There's no stopping it. Any advice will help. Please be considerate.
So it goes like this. It's a relationship that never happened. I don't know if many people have this sort of problem, but I am heartbroken over something that was never there. We met at the beginning of my senior year, officially. I had always known him because he's star of the school (captain of soccer team, president of the student body, lead in the school play). He is certainly impressive, and I had always wanted to get to know him but never had the chance. It didn't use to bother me much. But suddenly, at the beginning of this year, I could tell he was impressed by my academics. And he wanted to get to know me better. Everyone loved him. But he wanted to talk to me! It was a fairytale. I've made a couple of moves to try to talk to him, and he reciprocated.
That's the problem.
When he tries to talk to me, I freeze and panic. I can't seem to think of anything. He would stand next to me and smile, but he never initiates the conversation. I wish he was more blunt, but that's not his personality. He would just stand there and watch me. He stares at me in the hallways until it gets awkward. The reason I don't talk to him is that I think he'll realize that I'm not as cool of a person as he THOUGHT I was. Then I'll ruin the fairytale. I want him to believe I'm that person in his head. But we don't even know each other. We just stare at each other.
Then he asked this girl to prom. She is perfect. She got accepted to Harvard, is beautiful, plays hockey, is witty, and in short, reminds me of the type of person I want to be myself. In a way, we are similar--but she does everything I do BETTER. Of course he would like someone so perfect. He deserves her. How can I even compare? They're so happy together, and he is so impressed by her. I am so sad all the time. Because of my frustration, I've tried to talk to other boys, and they've became my friends. I've gotten to know people I wouldn't have had the nerve to talk to before. But I'm still not happy! Nothing will do. When I see him in the halls, we stare at each other and everything seems better. But then I hear about how amazing this other girl is, how he was laughing with her, and that just kills me all over again. I'm so sad because I know she is simply BETTER, but I want to know him so badly. What should I do? Confronting him would scare him. I want to be bold, yet keep his attention. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE.
Typing the story out, I realize all over again how shallow my problem is. Others have gone through divorces, REAL breakups, deaths, etc. I've only known this, but it KILLS me. I can't help it. I'm just a teenager, heading off to college, ready to start my future at a top college. At least I was. I don't want to leave anymore. I want him! My life hasn't even begun, but I feel like he's already got me tied down. There's only 3 weeks of school left. How can I capture his attention? I don't think we can be friends at this point.
If you don't leave advice, please at least answer this question that sums up the problem: HOW DO YOU GET SOMEBODY TO LIKE YOU FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN PERSONALITY, WIT, HUMOR, OR BEAUTY? Please don't tell me that those qualities are relative because I only care about one opinion, and that's his. And he believes this girl to be better.