I am so unfortunate. I didn't choose to be born as a gay. Yet, I have to suffer through the consequences. No one really knows who I am... who I am deep inside. No one. Not even single one. I am alone. I cannot be who I am. I feel dead inside everyday. I feel purposeless.
Sexual minorities are more unfortunate than many other disadvantaged groups. Sexuality forms a big part of who I am and if I constantly need to hide this part of myself, then I cannot truly grow as a person. I am very sad. I have been meeting with a counsellor but he sucks. He too is gay but he really doesn't know what he is doing. All he does is trying to make me feel good, but I am not interested in someone trying to make me feel good. Rather, I want someone who can give me directions, a guidance that have practical usage in this world.
Life is hard. But life is even harder for a sexual minority. But people, the heterosexual people, just don't fully and truly understand or realize this, and they never will. I am very sad. My life is very unfortunate. I wish I was never born in the first place. I am 23 and this is one big thing that is and has been holding me back greatly.
I want to have friends. I want to be myself. I just want to be my free self. But I can't. I have been hiding myself for too long... I have been repressing myself for so long that now it's automatic. It's as if it has become deeply embedded as part of my personality. This is not who I was meant to be. No. Not this... Why..... | |
From reading your post my advice would be to come out of the proverbial closet. The longer you hold out, the more unhappy you will become. The poster above is absolutely correct. Gay/Lesbian has become mainstream- So stop torturing yourself with your "gay" secret, because in reality, they probably wont care.... At least they shouldn't. And if they do, then who needs them as friends anyway? What does your therapist say to do? Or better yet, find another therapist that you do click with, as there are plenty of em out there!
Good luck,
Cursed
he can help you.
“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”
I hope this can help you.
From a straight hetero person.
i lost many friends but a lot of them didnt care that i was gay and they treat me the same i feel better about myself i'm glad i did what i did
good luck
Bottomline is; Just enjoy life, suck more cock, and munch more ass you fudge packin' douche bag!
I also think you should come out of the closet. I had the exact same problem you are having. You are still young, 23 years old, that's not that bad Dude. There are people that stayed in the closet their whole life. Come out and you will be set free. Hopefully your family will accept you for who you are, it may take some time, but once you come out it can only get better & better. And if some people don't like you, they weren't really your friend any way. Your TRUE friends will love you for who you are. And you might end up with a whole new set of friends. It will be a HUGE weight off your shoulders. You did not choose to be gay. You were born that way. There is no reason you should have to hide your sexuality. Be proud of who you are, and I wish you the best of luck whatever you do.
You are making a horrendous mistake by dwelling about not having an intimate partner who you can identify with who will love you intensely.
In 23 years you will be 46 years old and will wish you had did good things for people who you did not really notice, care about, pay attention to, or even looked down on when you were 23 but you will think about these people later in life. Many of them will be dead by the time you are 46 so be a part of their lives now and do something for them that aids them or makes them happy or makes their unfortunate lives bearable. When you are 46 you will regret wasting your thoughts on how lonely you were at 23 and will have wished you got out there and did something memorable in your younger years even if it meant working at a dead end job that you will end up having good memories about later in life. If you live in a large city there is probably someone not 10 miles away from you who is hurting bad about something.
You need to immediately get away from any person who causes you grief or distress and forget about being loved by people who do not care about you and never will. Get out there and work or do something for a hurting person so you have good memories instead of regrets at age 46 about how you wasted your time and thoughts over being isolated and depressed when you were 23 and were a young person.
You probably do not feel loved or wanted by people who you find attractive. Those people are going to look like total crap to you in 10-20 years and make you feel disgust... forget about them. Do not worry about this and instead work at a job, pursue your interests that do not involve intimacy, and help weak, broken people especially isolated, old women with little money and no support system or young people with terrible disabilities.
The people you do not pay attention to now will be the ones you remember later in life and the assholes and loneliness you encounter now will be what you will have wished you never wasted your time or your mental thoughts on at age 46.
As far as hiding your sexuality, it is harmful to waste energy denying or hiding what you are or to feel conflict about what you are attracted to, yet if there is no gainful reason for someone to know your sexuality then there is no reason to broadcast it. You are too depressed to deal with coming out at this time. The high schools of today are full of buried teens who committed suicide by being told to come out when they were not ready to. The same people who told those teens and young people to come out did nothing for those teens when life became so bad that they chose to commit suicide.
No misery lasts forever. The trick is to not make mistakes or harmful choices because of a miserable state and to enjoy the good things you do have at the moment before they are gone and you do have good things and good people in your life but you have to make an effort identify them.
You are lonely and at age 23 it is not typical but by age 46 everyone both gay and straight will have gone through it and there is no shame in it by age 46 but you cannot waste your young years worrying about being lonely. Get out there and do something or help someone who actually really needs it. The person who needs your help is probably not too far away from where you live or is even in your own family.
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