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The Rut

Posted by PW at April 30, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Loneliness  Sociopathy

I need to do something here. I feel afraid to leave the house most days, seems like all I want to do is sit around and smoke pot. I have been chronic for more than ten years now, and I want to stop but can't seem to help myself, I feel like I turn into a maniac when I feel the need for weed, like no matter what I do life will always be nothing but duty. Up until now I have managed to keep rent paid, but work has dried up and I can't motivate myself to look anyway. I know I could get work but the fear of the whole process leaves me panicking before I even start. And, of course, reaching for my pipe. I feel ashamed of getting high, and getting high is the only way to avoid the shame. I have made it to 41 now, but I feel the same as I did as a kid; scared, lonely, and unloved. And as I get older, now I am married with a 7 year old boy, I feel the constant weight of responsibilities that I don't feel capable of dealing with. And what's the world's response to me? Same as always. "Suck it up." I hate this world sometimes.


New Comment

By anonymous at 01,May,12 11:18

I wish all the luck man. But what do you want the world to do when you yourself are smoking poison. You are 41 for crying out loud. How long do you want the world to have pity on you? And how can anyone in the world help someone who is determined to blow their life up in smoke (pun intended). You have to realize your kid needs you to be a role model and a voice of wisdom in his/her life. Do you want to leave them with the smell of grass being their only memory of their parent? How pathetic is that. And i dont understand that if you cannot stabilize your life, why do you and so many others in this world choose to marry and have kids? The height of irresponsibility is simply mind boggling. You have social anxiety so work around it, try some online internet jobs or work in locations or go out to places where there aren't many people around you. I am giving you advice to help you, i am not some trashy hick who sits around and spews incoherent bullshit insulting slangs on everyone's life story. If you are American, i think you know what i mean. Hope you find peace if nothing else.

By anonymous at 14,May,12 21:40

Nothing wrong with you. You need to focus on a higher goal to get over this. The problem with most folks is they are too focused on themselves..just look at the number of I's in your statemnet.

Also notice the number if I's in similar posts...

The real solution is to forget the I and focus on something beyond yourself

Finx a higher cause and work for it. You will get over your current problem

By missu at 05,Sep,12 21:18

my name is missu and I am happy that help me bring my boyfriend back, my boyfriend has started loving me again and he has promise to get married to me and have kids with me, he said he love me and he will never go close to any woman accept me and promise to get married to me next week.
By anonymous at 22,Apr,13 11:06


By anonymous at 29,May,13 18:44

OMG! You are 41 and still smoking weed. Put down the pot already. You are entirely too damn old to smoke that mess. You are most likely addicted to it. Better quit ASAP before you start needing a drug that gets you higher. At least you are married and have a child. It's not like you're completely alone in this world. C'mon put some pep in your step and some slide in your glide. Laugh a little and Live alot.

By matzcrorkz at 04,Aug,14 06:41

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By crorkz matz at 05,Aug,14 08:10

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