Marriage came early in life to my college sweetheart. At 22 we bought a starter home and embarked on our life together. We treated people well and lived a virtuous life. At 28 we decided to take a leap of faith and move to NC knowing that we had worked hard and paid our NH house off in 4 years. What ensued was a 6 year cluster fuck of errors resulting in a $50,000 loss on the house. Fast forward to 2006 and we bought a property and built our dream house which we occupied in March 2007. Although the real estate market had weakened we priced our former house accordingly but had to put $20k into it and sold it for a loss. Then in March 2010, 1 month before our 25th wedding anniversary God killed my wife with a brain hemmorhage. He then chose to introduce me to a woman who stole $23k from me and a crazy bitch that made me sick. I've now met a wonderful woman that I want to make a life with. For the 3rd time I've put my house on the market, knowing this time that I would lose money. In the first month I've had 1 showing. I'm so angry at God for never coming to my aid and fucking me time after time. I'm tired of starting over. I'm afraid to be happy.
This is after a childhood that involved moving 7 times in 16 years. Every time I was happy with where we lived my father transferred. Spent my 16th birthday as a first day at a new school. I'm a self employed successful financial manager that trusts no one and always expects the worst. I continue to fight forward and try to remain positive. I'm with a wonderful woman but she hates my drinking. I've relied on it for the past few years to block out the pain of what God has done in my life. I wish God would just leave me alone. I hate what I've become and I'm afraid that I'll fuck up this wonderful relationship. If not me God will intervene and make sure that it has the worst possible outcome.
The unexplainable thing is that I've worked with people's money for 29 years never once having a compliance issue or customer complaint. I was faithful in my marriage and all relationships. I treat people well and am well respected. What has that gotten me? I'm at a loss as to what I should do or what is expected of me. Faith and hope are essential to the future and yet God has taken both of those elements away from me. Why does God hate me?