|Posted by anonymous at June 19, 2012|
idk how this is supposed to go or help but anyhow, I'm 27/m, I'm not extremely depressed as some of the stories on here, somedays I'm great, happy as can be and whatnot, but there are those odd days when it all just goes black, the sun could be shining bright as hell and all id see is grey, I would imagine these feelings stem from the fact I've never been in a *real* relationship, I've had a fling here and there, but I just want that special someone, someone who understands, someone i can lay on the couch with and watch movies, TV and whatnot, but im a small town guy, and as with most small towns the potential girls are all gone, married, up and moved away and whatnot, I'm not a rich man, i cant afford to be off moving about with no money, never finished highschool, quit my crap job awhile back, and I just feel like im trapped, like some caged animal being prodded with a stick, every night i always tell myself its almost over, one day i can be happy, one day the girl just for me will come into my life
|Posted by anonymous at June 19, 2012|
I hate my self, or at least most things about myself. Even as i write this down, I hate felling sorry for myself. Feel like I should be happy, i have more in my life than many people. i even have wonderful family and friends and a man who loves me very much, he loves me enough to even marry me. But each day of my life, i see my self as a looser. I feel like no matter how hard I try to be good at my job i mess it up. I say stupid stuff, all the time. nothing mean just mindless, pointless things. sometime i think if i said nothing or made my self basically invisible to others, they might like me more. how pathetic right. I feel like i have no purpose in this world. i never told anyone how i feel, not even my fiancé. i embarrassed of myself and the dark thoughts that i have. i try to see how i could be a better person, but maybe i just someone that will never fit in or make friends easily. i try to be respectful of people, to be nice to them. maybe i just no good at life. i wish i just didn't care. i hope one day i can be proud of myself.
|Posted by anonymous at June 19, 2012|
Well, I got here by typing out 'I hate my life' in google. It's always strangely comforting to see other people who are unhappy. Of course, things could always be worse but that still does not change my outlook.
I'm 26, balding, single with loose skin left over from massive weight loss. I am physically unattractive and not a single girl in my life has ever shown any interest in me. Everyone I know are in great, stable relationships with great jobs, good looks and buckets of confidence. I have never kissed a girl and have only had sex because of a trip to Thailand I took where I could not resist the incredible easy sex trade.
I have absolutely no drive. I am lazy and never seek out ways to make my life better, instead of waking up every morning, dragging myself out of bed to go to a job which I hate and does not pay me enough. I have no confidence in myself and often avoid social events because I feel I do not have as much worth as other, normal people. My parents are amazing and I love them so much but I am so horrible to them which leaves me with so much guilt.
I don't know what I am going to do with myself, especially when they are gone. My life prospects terrify me because I just don't think I have it in me to make it. I have no dreams, passions or goals. I am empty.
|Posted by confused at June 19, 2012|
I hate my life so much. I don't hate myself though. I think that I am an intelligent worthwhile person. I just fucking hate my job which takes most my time so I can safely say I hate my life.
I want to quit so bad but I don't know what will happen if I do. I am completely stunned. I don't want to work because the boss is confusing me to death. I can't move without wondering "Will I get shit for doing this?". I do something and I get shit for it and am told to do it another way. When I do it the other way I still get shit for it and am told to do it the first way. I am going out of my mind here. I am simply doing nothing right now unless I have to. Now I think I'm gonna get fired because I have stopped working as much as I should. Now I have anxiety. Fuck this. This is too much. Yet, I still don't know if quitting is the right option because I don't have another job lined up.
I'm gonna ask my boss to be transferred to another department, I think she will agree. I do like my boss and have learned a lot from her but this is going out of hand. I don't know what to do. I don't want to sit at home for 6 months looking for another job. That is demoralizing.My heart rate has elevated from the stress. I am averaging 90 beats per minute 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for months now. My job is harming my health. It's good I'm young or else i would have a heart attack right now.
Wish me luck. Fuck!
|Posted by Bud at June 18, 2012|
sometimes i think i was not meant for this world. i dont fit in. i spend my days taking care of what others need and apparently i am very good at it. i actually make a living at it. i like who i am. i am proud of what i do, but there is no one that sees me for who i am. i need someone to care about what i need. i need someone who wants to make me happy. i gave/give pieces of myself away and i have nothing left. i can spend days sleeping. no one can hurt me when i am sleeping. people like to compete with me and challange me. can't we just be happy for each other and enjoy each other. why do people have to be so mean and how is it that i can love so deeply and completely and be alone. why am i so sad and alone. i know mean people who have been happily married for 20 years. would i be happier if i were meaner? i want to give up. were it not for my last kittie, i would consider it, but she is so old (17) and sll she wants is my company. she makes me feel blessed, but i know she will die soon. i made a committment to take the best care of her that i could and leaving her would be hard for her at this age. i try so hard to be the kind of person that i can be proud of and i do ok, but my choices have left me alone and wasted. i am so sick of myself.
|Posted by wishinitwasnt at June 18, 2012|
Im 23 now and cant even recall any good moments from the past 7 years. I hate my face and because of that I retreated into solitude leaving all my friends behind. Yesterday I met a few of them after 7 long years and they all were getting women, attractive and outgoing like they use to be. I dont even have the confidence to be in public and cant even feign being outgoing because I feel that it would just be calling attention to my fucking hideous face. Still a virgin, havent even held a girl's hand.
|Posted by bark at the moon dingo at June 18, 2012|
but no one trusts me anymore. i had explosive fits of rage in years gone by..with may times resulting in alienation of friends and family...and co-workers filing grievances..but that was at least in 1995 or96...cripes..when will these people let it go? its not like i murdered anyone?..they all seem to act like its any minute now im going to bust up and start smashing things again....my stupid co-workers will purposely try to aggravate me...and then cower together and say ohoh--he's gonna blow his top...like they enjoy seeing people meltdown which by the way stopped completely years ago..and instigate problems like i was supposed to do like dennis leary did in the movie with dr dre and ed lover.a cops movie...too bad you dolts you probably will never see me perform badly like i used to...because if i had the same damn temper as i used to then i would have already ripped your heads off and **** down your ?@#$% necks...so for the love of God..give me a chance to change..and stop egging on the petty and grand mal annoyances and let me live the remaining balance of my life in peace and harmony......a leopard may not change its spots...but my testosterone level is much lower than in my teens and twenties... so im less likely to have those stupid flare-ups... if there is anything that would make me furious..its people only remembering the past..and not giving me the benefit of any doubt...its almost like they have a sick sense of wanting to see peoples evil side... it i...
|Posted by anonymous at June 18, 2012|
I feel like the past 6 years God has been using me like bath tissue to wipe his ass crack. Why? What did I do wrong? I try to be a good person. I treat people well, keep my head up when shit comes my way, and keep my eyes on the prize when people try to push me down. People from who knows where come along and give me shit like I did something to them. I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes it's just too much. I just keep moving forwards, putting one foot in front of the other, hoping things may turn for the better. But the facts of my life remain the same.
People tell me things will get better. People tell me that I'll get this and that and something great will happen, but shit never happens. I wish people would just shut the hell up with their smug advice and empty words. I am so sick of hearing about it. And no I can't be thankful or joyful for what I already have. About the only thing I have to be thankful for is that I'm not homeless. Yes I do recognize that things could be worse, but my life seems like a ticking time bomb, not something to be joyful about. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I do realize that when bad things happen it doesn't mean I caused them. Okay, but being kept down like this for so long is frustrating. What is this all about? I don't get it, God. As far as I can see, the rest of my life isn't going to be great anyway, but could you at least allow me to function normally like everyone else? Why do you keep giving me this shit?
|Posted by The Unknown one. at June 17, 2012|
The biggest question a human could ever ask, and probably the biggest reason that so many individual suffers, because the most important thing is our own life and the worst thing is we don't know when its all ends which is the biggest uncertainty we can face. I think I cannot stress that highly enough. I don't think all humans take that into consideration when acting and behaving like they do Hench all the negative things we see in the news. hate, crimes, killings, rapes, abuse, robbery, finical crisis etc.. Like with the money it was only an idea to measure not to run the planet, Hench all problems directly related to money. Why cannt we just respect our fellow human beings as individuals on equal level. I just get depressed when I think about all the misery that exist in this cruel world I don't think I can stress it highly enough. for what purpose if there is nothing before or after the live we are given. This makes me feel that my life has no purpose at all, even makes me question if its worth existing in this cruel world, since I will never know what dangerus experince I could get my self if I go into this cruel world thus I sit in front of my computer 24/7 (minus sleep). I get over paranoid and scared if I should interact with this cruel world so I suffer serve depression on daily bases. I hate the world I live in. I feel aggrier think about it, so some will finally suffer heavily how I feel. I'm totally Isolated I don't interact with another human beings unless I have to so I can continue my pointless existance.
|Posted by You Wouldn't Remember Anyways at June 17, 2012|
I have no friends, the people that I meet are pretty cool, until they meet somebody with something more to offer, and before you know it, i am old news. I was adopted as a baby, and I have some abandonment issues I guess... My parents and I are not OVERLY close, although I am VERY lucky to have both parents. Neither of them know that I am gay. My life has been a constant stream of shut outs...
I am native, but the native community doesnt accept me.
I look white, but the white community doesnt accept me.
I am gay, however the gay community doesnt accept me.
My previous friends who were straight, dropped me when I came out.
Everybody thinks I am just a crazy party girl, but that drunk girl who runs about is really the loneliest girl in the bar, I am there to feel the pressence of people, don't get me wrong, I have done the sober thing but then people just find my talking useless and annoying. I seem to have more friends when I drink however I HATE MYSELF DRUNK AND SOBER. A victim of childhood rape, racism, and bullying... what do i do? how do i fix this? why am i always alone...
|Posted by anonymous at June 17, 2012|
welp, here i am again.. what can i say. i'm not surprised. Because i fuck up EVERY little good thing i have going for me. my life is total shit.
I hate everything how I look the list is so long, i'm too skinny, acne/bacne, im hairy, crooked teeth, huge nose, too fucking tall, small hips, small ass, small boobs- and after all that every other guy that liked me i have pushed away because of my trust issues. My bf im with now, idk how he's with me still, after all the times i've fucked up. I seriously make him feel horrible and idk what i can do to make him not feel these emotions. I've had depression ever since i was in first grade, it's only gotten worse. god, why i dont even know who i am, all i know is that im an ugly fucking slow person who can't even make good grades no matter how fucking hard i try. My bf is the best thing that ever happened to me and im scared that im gonna lose him soon, ive said sorry soooo many times, ive fucked it up soo many times. He's gonna come to realize that i'm pathetic and get tired of my bs. that's when i'll be sent over the edge, i've always had suicidal thoughts just never made them come to life. I wish i didn't fucking exist!! so that the people i love wouldn't have to suffer through my existence. I wish I was some people girl in some small town, with a mom and dad, and a real home. My parents dumped me when i was 6 weeks not that i can blame them, i am pretty fucking worthless. I don't have 1 single thing going for me, i'm not good at anything and idk where i belong in this world. I drive myself insane thinking and thinking of all my mistakes. I've pushed away the "friends" i had before and got a new group, they don't invite me anywhere, i wouldn't either. Kill me now, i'm too much of a coward to.
|Posted by anonymous at June 17, 2012|
I can feel the depression coming back again. I worked so hard for so long to stop that from happening. I ignored problems, let things slide, pretended everything was fine. I thought everything was fine. I am afraid it will become unmanageable again. I don't want to fall back into that abyss again. I can't sleep. Even if I wanted to, i'm up all night with the newborn anyway, so whats the point of trying that? Can't eat. Every time I try to it goes right through me. My stomach is all knotted up. Loosing more and more weight every day. Been taking way too many drugs, just to try to keep my emotions numb, but it doesn't work any more. I'm so tired all the time. Being in pain doesn't help. I try to sleep but I just lay there awake all night. I can't clear my mind. My body hurts so bad. So what do I do? I know, i'll pop a pill, right? That will help and make it all better. But it doesn't. It just makes me sad. Want to cry all the time these days. But I'm suppose to be the strong one. I have three children that look to me for guidence. What am I suppose to do for them. I can't support them. Can't find a job. Their fathers a lazy dead beat. There is someone else interested but this ain't the first time. Or the second. Or the third. I am afraid to uproot my life again. I may be unhappy but at least things are semi-stable. I don't want to get hurt. I've heard it all before. I love you. I need you. I want to help you take care of your children. I will never leave. I will love you fo...
|Posted by Nick at June 14, 2012|
In Office Space where Peter tells the hypnotherapist that everyday is the worst day of his life, that is how I am feeling right now. The strangest thing is that everything in my life is great. I have just graduated from University, landed one of the best jobs in my field, I have a great family and a great girlfriend but I am completely miserable. I feel so trapped by their expectations of me, but what is worse I am trapped by my expectations for myself. There is a major disjunction between who I am and the life that I am living. I don't know how much longer I can keep this charade up. I have tried so long to fake it until I make it, but it seems I have wasted so much of time and wronged so many people the way I have behaved and squandered so many opportunities to truly be happy, to truly be myself. I want to run away from everything, but I know that would a futile attempt because the person I want to run away from is myself, and no matter how far I go I know he will eventually catch up to me.
I have long been contemplating what exactly I want to escape from but I come up empty handed with results and so I am left with this feeling of complete helpless misery. I can graduate from school, find a good job, convince people to love me and like my company but in pursing all these frivoles goals I must have missed something important. Something important but how to live, about how to be happy with myself. I know how fortunate I am, born in a first world country with affluent parents who care about me, but still I have let them down, I have let myself down, maybe the expectation of being happy is too much for me. But these thoughts have thrown me into very deep depression like I am trying to climb a hill of ice, never to reach to top, only to make my way up a bit and then slip back down.
|Posted by Mr. Paralyzed at June 14, 2012|
I don't want to work for someone else. I don't like being a pencil pusher. All I do is organize data. I create nothing of value I just put in numbers and make business statements. The rest of the time, I organize files, prepare slips, all paperwork. Lately, I've been procrastinating incessantly to the point now that I feel guilty that I haven't done shit. Now, I feel I'm gonna get fired. I now have hate plus anxiety, fucking nice combo. I hate my job and I hate that I can't leave it either. I can't quit because it would ruin me financially, or at least I think it will ruin me. I think that I can start a business of my own but a part of me believes I would fail. I don't mind not making a lot of money. I just want to feel good passing the 8 hours 5 days a week of the rest my life. Is that too much to ask? I don't want to get another job because all jobs that I get with my degree will be pencil pushing jobs which I will hate eventually.
I am in a way hoping I get fired. I want to work for myself. I want the anxiety and hate that runs through me every second of the 8 hours a day to stop. Some people enjoy working for others, I'm not one of them.
I don't really understand the system. I have to work 8-10 hours a day 5 days a week every month of every year till I'm 65 so that I can retire with all the life in me being sucked dry. Popping pills to reduce the stress, probably passing by some shrinks in the process... for what? So that I can retire at 65? I'd be d...
|Posted by Kestrel at June 12, 2012|
I'm in the hated 1%. I am a white woman, married just about 20 years to my teenage sweetheart. We live in a gorgeous house in a very snobby neighborhood - tennis, golf, the works. I have 2 kids. One has a depressive disorder and the other is a wonderful and gifted child.
I have not worked in 17 years.
Why? I don't have to. I don't want to. I can't imagine doing it. Part of me would just DIE if I had to take a minimum wage job when everyone I know is a highly educated professional. They're nice people and wouldn't dream of mocking me but it would be an open admission that I'm not as good as they are. I got a basic degree in a state school. Not a BA, not a Master's. I am a fucking housewife with a husband that works from home. I don't do hardly any housework at all. He does most of it because I can't handle the stress. I am unnecessary in my own life. The only thing that makes me feel any better is my painkiller addiction, which he also knows about. A few years ago, I sustained a terrible injury from an accident that led me down this path. My pills are the only thing in my life that make me feel better. Even this thing I can't keep to myself. Nothing is just MINE.
What do I have? Everything that everyone else wants. But I don't want it! You can well imagine how hard it is to find sympathy when your only complaint is that you have too much. But I'm so unhappy and I'm terribly, awfully, horribly BORED. I'm thinking of just packing and leaving. If I runaway like a child then maybe I can start over as if I was one. Can't I? Can't I go to college again and be what I want to be when I grow up? Can't I have adventures? Find those old wild oats and sow them finally? I'm so ashamed of the nothing that I became. I've wasted my life. All of it. It's unbearable. It's unbearable.
|Posted by Delegend at June 11, 2012|
hi, i am 24 years old and i wake up everyday realizing that i managed to fuck up the one person's life, whom i love very much. and there is nothing i can do to change that. its been 2 and a half years now and i haven't seen or talked to her. i have lost all interest in life. i was an artist, an athlete,photographer, played music and i was funny. i can't study and i can't focus on anything anymore. my graph has gone down since then. i have disappointed my parents and my little brother. everyday day is the same, i decide that it will be different but nothing really changes. i don't really have any friends anymore either. the one that i thought was my friend for the past 4 years, turned out to be a mother fucking two faced back stabbing faggot. i have lost my repute and i find it very hard to deal with my memories of the good times.
i have seen a lot of stories on this site, i wish them all the best with their lives. i have no intentions of giving up on life because i have responsibilities.
i just can't get out of this fucking circle of fucking everything going from bad to worst. i wish to leave this verse as a sign of hope for the rest of the people here. i know its not much but i too find myself hanging from a tread, and i guess its enough to help me fight for the days to come.
"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
invictus by ernest henley...
|Posted by Embodiment of Negativity at June 11, 2012|
My biggest fear is that I am in some way stupid. What ever I do, it turns out to be wrong. I do things sometimes with good intentions others with selfish ones and whatever I do and however I turn, I somehow end up being wrong. I hate my life. I hate my job. I sometimes hate myself and the fact that I'm such a screw up. I have no motivation. I have no passion for anything constructive. I am not depressed but I am unhappy. I have minimal social life in that a bunch of us guys gather in the weekend and have LAN parties (multiplayer gaming). I am going through life like a zombie. I am semi-dead. I go to work, hope the day goes by without any major screw ups then I go home and eat dinner, play video games while listening to self help (self-help is to give myself a sense of hope, even if it is false), dread that tomorrow I will have to go to work again, sleep and repeat the same thing all over again.
I know that I have it better than some. At least I have a job and it's a miracle I haven't been fired yet. Still I'm not happy. Everyday I think I am going to get fired that day and sometimes I want to take the initiative and quit myself because the anticipation of being fired is killing me. I want to take myself out of the game but I don't know what to do afterwards. I'm not even looking for another job, that's how unmotivated and depressed I am. I sort of think that I am undeserving of good things and am sabotaging myself to take away from myself anything I don't feel I...
|Posted by anonymous at June 10, 2012|
I'd write a novel, if I were any good with words. This is probably not even gonna make sense.
I feel like, on a daily basis I disappoint my family, my friends, my bosses, even my landlady. I am lazy, disorganized. I quit high school -twice, and have a lot of debts to pay off, so I work two shit jobs that I hate. I would also be quite intelligent, but selfmedicating when bipolar with ADHD doesn't really help. (I blame it on the abortion my mother had, when I was a foetus. Ah well, at least they only got my twin, not me, huh?)
But what is wrong with this world? I just hate everything I see, every person (specially men- daddy didn't love me either), every building, everything manmade. I see this crappy world around me, things and people of bad taste. Basically, everything is so dull, ugly and uncomfortable. People faking happiness, love, interest and personalities. I am myself of those, but mostly just because I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings, it's just too damn annoying dealing with them. All this dumb doing what "you're supposed to" makes no sense to me, I was born into this preshaped world, formed by time and all the past generations of humans- evolution. But I hate this world it has become, this world they have made for us. We didn't have a saying in anything. I find myself in this landscape of concrete and TV screens, ads, fake breasts, fake smiles, laws, rules, regulations, terms, contracts and commitment. People dream of absurd things, such as ca...
|Posted by Al at June 10, 2012|
I wrote myself off a wrong time ago. @ age 21 i'm still living at my moms house, i'm a highschool grad with no life, and $1200 to my name.I'm planning to move about 350 kilometers (215 miles) in the next couple of months; to find a fresh start in a new city and begin searching for a job. I have no recent job experience, no references, very low self esteem/confidence. I'm worried about being judged poorly/disliked, it's the same reason why I seldom leave this house ever in life. That and because I have behaved like someone who is mentally ill, there is no other way to explain it.
I guess what worries me is that I wont be able to function normally like any healthy person would. Like i'll show up to work tweaking or i'll get drunk and start arguing furiously about religion. or I will make a bad impression in some other way and inevitably become an object of disdain to many if not all those who encounter me on a professional level day to day.
but just say perhaps I can hold down a job reasonably comfortably without being completely inept and stressed out, then I still worry about being a social failure. I don't know how to treat people, I'm lonely. thats about it for now.
I kind of feel like im i'n over my head, that I'm just a ignorant boy and I dont know things I aught to know, that I'm going to make some terrible mistake and really fuck up my mind and or my life.
|Posted by Slacker at June 8, 2012|
I don't like working. I do the minimum I can just to pass by. It's been 10 months I'm working and I know I will never get anywhere career-wise if I continue like this. To be honest I actually want to get fired. I am lazy, I procrastinate everything possible to the last second and then I hand in mediocre work. I am applying to jobs left and right and I have had interviews with 2 companies till now (P.S. sick leaves are a pain to prove if you are not sick) and was called back for a second interview by one of them. I think I will get an offer from at least one of them. The thing is it is easy to hold your frame for 20-30 minutes because all employers want to feel secure that you are a hard worker, dependable, straightforward and that you will make their lives easier and excel at what you will be working. I conveyed all these in the interviews but holding your frame full time 8 hours a day 5 days a week for months is tiring and I don't think that anything will change even if I get a new job. I never feel like working. I think I will change jobs every year till I die and will never be satisfied from my job. It's not that I'm mentally deficient or anything. I graduated with honors in Finance and I have a 130 IQ but I procrastinate like hell. It's not that I don't care about my job... it's just want to work when I feel like working, not all the time.
I am at work now and I hope my boss barges in and I get fired for slacking off. I really don't want to work. It's not fun...