|Posted by anonymous at June 19, 2012|
Hello, I'm Chewy (not my real name) and for the past 5 years I feel like I've been going through hell and returned with my life in pieces that are duct taped back together. I just want to hear what you guys have to say about my story, so here goes...
First there are some things you need to know:
1. My parents have been divorced ever since I was 4 years old. (This isn't a big issue for me.)
2. I have an older sister and a younger half-brother
3. I'm a guy.
Okay, so I'm twelve. I ran away from my Dad's home; I felt like he was neglecting me and my sister severely. There was barely any food in the house, we wore rags for clothes, and we were living in a shack of an apartment with a shackmate. So, I had come to live with my Mom, my little half-brother, my drugged-out uncle (he's not really important to the story; he lived in the garage), and three of my cousins at my Grandma's cockroach-infested, 2-bedroom house (bad decision). My relationship with all of them was very strained but it wasn't always like that. Not until my Mom stirred s### up with my Aunt (mother of 3 cousins). Frankly, I don't even remember what it was all about, I think it might've had something to do with a washing machine. Anyway, there I was. My Grandma's house is packed full of tension. No friends in my area. I don't have anywhere to go other than the public library. F###ing ingredients for a s###-cake, right? Not to mention, on top of all of this, my Mom pawne...
|Posted by soup at June 18, 2012|
so um...i hate fathers day 'cause my mom tries so hard to make my dad have a great day and stuff, but he just treats her like shit and yells at me just 'cause he doesn't have anyone else to blame. and so that pretty much sums that up. plus my parents fight like all the time and the other day i actually cried like a whole lot...and it was weird. plus i broke up with my boyfriend...kinda..but the fucky part is, is that right now he's in the hospital 'cause he had surgery and it went well...but now he's not waking up and the doctors don't know what to do so i'm really worried. and other shit...plus alotta my friends just decided to leave me. so that really sux 'cause i've been friends with them for 5 years and yeahh...plus there is a bunch of other shit and i might not even go to the same school next year because my parents are stupid. and i really don't know what to do, 'cause shit is just happening and the only thing really keeping me alive right now is a guy I'm kinda dating. I've attempted suicide too many times and it never works. I have a cutting addiction and and i'm losing faith in alotta people and my bestfriend hates me right now for no apparent reason, and IF people really must know, life sucks, period. School sucks, Mornings suck, Drugs suck, God sucks, Telivision sucks, Music sucks, sports suck, siblings suck, parents suck. Fridays SUCK. In conclusion you can make you life worth while with all of its suckiness, or you can sit at home all day in deep depression and think about dying. plus today was just kinda really weird and...i think i'm going crazy..like literally crazy...plus alotta my friends r worrying me because like they're going through shit too but i cant do anything about it so i feel usless. plus people are being jerks to me and i'm sick of it. and my girlfriend who i loved died like 2 years ago but i'm still really upset about it and I have been kicked around by so many people in life idk who to trust and all this other stuff...so yeah.
|Posted by anonymous at June 18, 2012|
Im gonna be 21. I feel depressed for a couple of reasons. Most recently because I feel betrayed and lied to. The one person who was supposed to always have my back and protect me.. Lied to me. I have had one boyfriend in my life and to me he was amazing. I never thought anyone would ever love me. I have been passed up my whole life, I have never felt good enough for anyone. there was always someone who came before me.well we have been together for almost 3 years and I just found out he was talking to some girl online! He had a cyber relationship going on. It killed me because I dont trust easily and this man shattered what he had with me in two seconds.i cant trust anything he says and I feel so low that some faceless person could be easier to talk to and better company than I. idk what to do
|Posted by anonymous at June 18, 2012|
So i am 20 now. 2 parents, 2 sis, 1 brother. Let's start back then in school. Bad choice of friends. I only had one, and was manipulative. I was weak and simply wanted to have someone to rely on, you know, an actual friend, but he simply wouldn't care about me, and i would cry about that. The hell i passed was not a thing a kid should suffer. Psychologists, having no friends, being laughted upon every day. Imagine having to sit alone during brakes because no one likes you. Praying that the teacher wouldn't ask to get in pairs for a work, all this for years and years. It may sound not that bad, but i would come home and lock myself in the bathroom to cry for hours.
Fast forward to highschool. I went to a different school, so new faces, new teachers. I REALLY tryed to get friends, i really did. It's not i'm ugly or dumb or whatever. I just don't like the same stuff others do. So i would shut up during conversations about football or tv stuff, as i didn't have a tv.
So actually, 6 more years of solitude. Day and night. No friends, just me. Parents worked till night, brothers and sisters were with their friends. I just played by myself. At least there was no mocking this time.
Now i graduated, got to college. No friends, bad marks, all alone again. After 2 years i still haven't passed my first semester...
I know there are worse stories than this one, but being all alone. Oh god, it's a battle everyday. I don't kill myself for the pain my family would feel. But shit, someday i'm gonna lose it, i know it's close, and i am crying while i write this. If you have a nice life or friends, cherish them. I would give anything to have at least one.
|Posted by anonymous at June 17, 2012|
welp, here i am again.. what can i say. i'm not surprised. Because i fuck up EVERY little good thing i have going for me. my life is total shit.
I hate everything how I look the list is so long, i'm too skinny, acne/bacne, im hairy, crooked teeth, huge nose, too fucking tall, small hips, small ass, small boobs- and after all that every other guy that liked me i have pushed away because of my trust issues. My bf im with now, idk how he's with me still, after all the times i've fucked up. I seriously make him feel horrible and idk what i can do to make him not feel these emotions. I've had depression ever since i was in first grade, it's only gotten worse. god, why i dont even know who i am, all i know is that im an ugly fucking slow person who can't even make good grades no matter how fucking hard i try. My bf is the best thing that ever happened to me and im scared that im gonna lose him soon, ive said sorry soooo many times, ive fucked it up soo many times. He's gonna come to realize that i'm pathetic and get tired of my bs. that's when i'll be sent over the edge, i've always had suicidal thoughts just never made them come to life. I wish i didn't fucking exist!! so that the people i love wouldn't have to suffer through my existence. I wish I was some people girl in some small town, with a mom and dad, and a real home. My parents dumped me when i was 6 weeks not that i can blame them, i am pretty fucking worthless. I don't have 1 single thing going for me, i'm not good at anything and idk where i belong in this world. I drive myself insane thinking and thinking of all my mistakes. I've pushed away the "friends" i had before and got a new group, they don't invite me anywhere, i wouldn't either. Kill me now, i'm too much of a coward to.
|Posted by anonymous at June 13, 2012|
I'm 14. My mother is an alcoholic. She leaves all the time because my father finds the beer cans she hides and confronts her about it, and then she comes back the later that night. I ask her to stay because leaving can only make things worse, but she says that my father doesn't even care about her and so she should leave. I told her that I cared and asked her if that was a good enough reason to stay...she replied with a simple "no". She did this tonight. She took about $80 from my wallet from a recent trip i went on for our school band (I almost cried on the way home knowing what awaited me at home. She also left with three beer cans. She leaves, it gets dark, and we (my father and I, since my brother is rarely at home) and I cry myself to sleep those nights. Last year, on the last day of school in grade 7, my mother and father got in a heated fight upstairs while my brother and I tried to block out the yelling downstairs.My mom then stormed downstairs, went into the kitchen and grabbed a large knife, held it to her wrist and yelled to my dad, "is this what you want? Huh? Do you want to see this? I'll do it!" right in front of my brother and I. I started crying hysterically, and my brother and I went into the backyard where we hugged for about ten minutes, just standing on our patio, not knowing what happened inside, hoping that my mom was alive. She was, but later tried to leave. My brother got her stay, how he did I'll never know. We had an "intervention" type thing tha...
|Posted by Embodiment of Negativity at June 11, 2012|
My biggest fear is that I am in some way stupid. What ever I do, it turns out to be wrong. I do things sometimes with good intentions others with selfish ones and whatever I do and however I turn, I somehow end up being wrong. I hate my life. I hate my job. I sometimes hate myself and the fact that I'm such a screw up. I have no motivation. I have no passion for anything constructive. I am not depressed but I am unhappy. I have minimal social life in that a bunch of us guys gather in the weekend and have LAN parties (multiplayer gaming). I am going through life like a zombie. I am semi-dead. I go to work, hope the day goes by without any major screw ups then I go home and eat dinner, play video games while listening to self help (self-help is to give myself a sense of hope, even if it is false), dread that tomorrow I will have to go to work again, sleep and repeat the same thing all over again.
I know that I have it better than some. At least I have a job and it's a miracle I haven't been fired yet. Still I'm not happy. Everyday I think I am going to get fired that day and sometimes I want to take the initiative and quit myself because the anticipation of being fired is killing me. I want to take myself out of the game but I don't know what to do afterwards. I'm not even looking for another job, that's how unmotivated and depressed I am. I sort of think that I am undeserving of good things and am sabotaging myself to take away from myself anything I don't feel I...
|Posted by anonymous at June 9, 2012|
I've never told anyone my story. But I just feel like telling someone who is willing to listen I guess. So I am 14. Yup. I'm young and I might not have it as bad as it feels but whatever. So I grew up in a nice neighborhood, in a nice house with two parents and one brother and one sister. I had some good friends and a particular best friend that I now wish I hadn't become friends with. She got meaner and ruder as we grew up. My family started having money problems and my parents constantly stressed about it. My friend and my birthdays are days apart. So we were exchanging gifts and I didn't get her what she wante because it was too expensive for us. So my friend called me poor and that hurt so much. I still liked her for some odd reason. I was a much better friend to her than she was to me. So anyway fast forward to 6th grade. My parents start fighting and my mom keeps staying out late and not calling us to tell us. She and my dad got into multiple fights. I was the only one at home now because my siblings were much older and have moved out. I would fall asleep crying as my parents fought. I thought in the back of my head that they would divorce but I never really expected them to. Well one night my parents took my brother and me out to dinner and when we went back to our house, they told us the news. My brother got furious and stormed out. I just sat there and cried. My parents tried to comfort me and I pretended I didn't care. But honestly I wanted to storm out too. How...
|Posted by anonymous at June 6, 2012|
Well i've written to this website before ("nihilistic life" - title) but wanting to clarify maybe a few things. And to extend my rant..
Im 18 and yes i know there are stories on here real/fake that sound worse than mine ATM but i feel like i'm on a path to destruction if i don't get help, which in various ways is cause by my mind not wanting help, saying i 'have no problems, until i put myself in a situation where i make it known i have problems (seeing a counselor etc.)'. Mind is a very manipulative thing and im just stuck with pain from my past and i just hate myself for what i've become in some ways and stupid shit i've done. I would seriously consider suicide if it wasn't for my niece + nephew who i care to much to leave behind (since im like a father figure as my sisters deadshit boyfriend left her... not to mention she is a deadshit so my most cared about things in the world are not in the best hands to say the least.)
Down to details, i have not officially been diagnosed; but i strongly feel.. i mean if i don't have major depression disorder and bi-polar... i don't know nor want to know what the fuck it is. I feel like i can find solace when i have that officially checked out as for instance my depression comes from parents who didn't really want me to begin with.. both alcoholic real parents and now my real father is dead and my mother was a heroin addict who went to jail but out again. With that, my mother still stays in touch but i have no fee...
|Posted by charles at June 4, 2012|
Starts with falling in love which I never believed in or wanted. Guy I love fucks my best friend and sticks with her. Manipulates me into giving him my attention. Uses my feelings like a game. Then decides he's done with me and tells me he lied and he never meant any of what he said. Then I get raped by two guys. One was my friend. Other small stuff. Failed classes. Never been more depressed. The only thing I cared about went broke and is gone now. Failed audition. Failed at fucking everything. If the world end in December, I'll be fucking happier than shit.
|Posted by Whiner? at June 1, 2012|
Have you ever heard of the queen song "I want to break free", well that's the story of my life. During my senior year of high school I switched schools after my dad's alcoholic girlfriend kicked him out of her apartment. I was doing wrestling at the time, though that soon ended due to C.I.F regulations about joining another schools sports team during the middle of the season. SO basically my wrestling season was over, which sucked since it was my final year to prove to myself that I could be a top wrestler. In the end I graduated from high school and was excited about making a new beginning. I moved up north to Santa Barbara were my father was currently living at the time. Since I was living with my dad in a one room studio, tensions would often get very high. Luckily I was able to find work quickly enough, and was paddling outrigger canoes for a club. Though even though I was getting slowly depressed about my living situation with my father, things skyrocketed on my birthday when my father freaked out at me for spilling soda on the linoleum flooring. Soon after that I had a few days off from work, so I decided to visit my mother and sister, which led to me getting a tattoo from a girl who I thought I loved.
The tattoo was supposed to be a reminder of my childhood and of a lone sea lion pup I saw when I was in Santa Barbara. As my friend tattooed me at my moms house, I felt this would be the perfect moment to tell her how I really felt about her. Even...
|Posted by Dead&Gone at May 30, 2012|
All my life I've wondered what this life would be like without me. Some say that they need me, but is the really true. Do you really need me? Or am I just here as a benefit for you? No one really understand my pain or why I do the things I do. So what if I cut or take more medicattion then I need to. It's all my fault that I am like this. I'm taking hte blame. Suicide is never the opinion but sometimes I feel like that is the only way to exscape this bullshit that everyone is putting me through. No sees me for the person that I really am. All I want is to be happy, why can't anyone see that? I'm just a 14 year old girl who is different and handles her problems a different way. And since when did you ever have the right to judge me. You don't care, you're just reading this to judge me. I'm a person, better yet I'm a monster that no one can stop. I put myself almost into comas from drinking energy drinks, its who I am. I've never been happy, its all an act to show that you don't have to worry about me. But since when did you care? You're an act just as well as I am. My smiles aren't real. I cut to make the pain go away, but yet then I realize that the pain is still there when its gone. The words I hear and the things I see affect me. The music I listen to I can relate to all of it. Fricking YOLO. Its just a saying that doesn't mean anything to me. life means nothing to me. I should've done it when I had the chance.
|Posted by anonymous at May 28, 2012|
My dad is an alcoholic. My family is poor. My siblings do drugs and what not to escape their problems while I try in school and keep myself away from trouble so I know I have some kind of future ahead of me that isn't full of drinking and doing drugs. I live in a shitty house and my friends take me for granted. Sometimes I think they don't really care for me at all, I'm just there. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror or even hear myself talk because I'm disgusted with who I am. I'm selfish and greedy and I can't help it. I try to be appreciative of what I have but I never will be. All I do is envy other's for their lives and sometimes I just hate people because they have what I want so badly. I hate my family and personally I don't want anything to do with them. My father is an alcoholic who has emotionally and physically hurt us while my mother only cares for herself and is ignorant. I'm fed lies each day and I don't know who to believe, everyone thinks its fun to fuck with my mind. I need help but I'm not willing to accept it because I don't want to be classified as dysfunctional just yet even though I know I am. I want to have a bright, successful, and adventurous future but I know that will never happen. Only people with money get what they want, they can afford a proper education from colleges and have the life. I'll end up in a shitty house with a shitty life when I'm older and nothing is more terrifying to me than that. I have no future ahead of me even though I do good in school and I'm ambitious. I'll be forever tied to this shitty town surrounded by hopelessness. Maybe I'll just stick around and get hit some more and told I'm worthless some more until I crack and kill myself.
|Posted by why? at May 23, 2012|
I am a young boy at the age of 11 and i already feel the need to die. My mom tries to help me (or at least that what she says) but only makes it worse. School is very challenging for me. I feel very UN-intelligent and, well, just sad. I cry every night, always sin have expectations that are asking for to much. I love my parents, they really are just trying to help, and i understand that, but all they do is tell me what i did wrong, never what i did right. Am i alone on this, or do other people fell similar too. I have made friends with ease, and they like me, i like them, but i fell the need to constantly play with them and things like that. They are also very smart, i mean VERY smart, and they expect me to be naturally gifted with some super smart drug or something. My parents cant help, i just feel depressed, i LOVE playing electronics, just because it makes me feel happy, but my parents always say YOUR LIFE IS A MESS or YOU WILL BECOME NOTHING! I know they don't mean it, or at least i hope they don't. this is really minor and i understand that, but i feel more comfortable telling people like you who don't know me rather than telling adults or relatives and friends. Any help. No suicide because i do not want to go to hell, not burn for eternity, but i feel i will go there either way.. :(
|Posted by payne at May 23, 2012|
I was dating this girl for 18 months. we became really serious and i knew i loved her with all my heart. everything was good even though we would fight often. i knew i was in love and i thought she was to. we did everything together even was gonna move in together. we are in college so we were gonna get an apartment and work and go to school but she didn get in to the same college i did. well to make a long story short she ends up leaving me and was already talking to another guy before we broke up. it makes me feel like shit and i been very depressed for 3 months now she was everything to me and now i have nobody to talk to. she tells me she cares bout me, misses me, even says she still loves me. hell she even cheated on him with me and the next day she tells me to leave her the hell alone. she tells me i am to negative of a person but what do you expect out of someone who loves you with all their heart and wants to spend the rest of their life with you. i tell her how i feel and she says it makes her feel bad. i don understand how she could tell me all the lies she told me and i don understand why she would treat me so horribly even after i gave her everything.
|Posted by You will never know at May 23, 2012|
My life is falling deeper and deeper into a hell pit. My family, not overreacting, but literally hate me so much I've actually come to hate myself. I don't bother to take care of myself. I'm only seventeen and a drop out, no GED, not smart enough to even think about taking the GED test. I can't even pass 4th grade math. It's sad. I can't drive, I can't do anything. All I can do is sleep around, which I will admit. I have been sleeping with multiple guys and have gotten a bad reputation because they are both friends. Even my own mother calls me a dirty skank whore who will never amount to anything. I just agree. Because it is true. I envy my cousins who are all smart, getting into college, boyfriends, good jobs, nice cars, all of it. I WILL NEVER HAVE ANY OF THAT. I just want to end it all, but I'm too much of a chicken to do so. So instead I'll just keep living my life the way I am right now and maybe things might change..for the better..or worse.
|Posted by anonymous at May 23, 2012|
Let's start off with a couple things about me. I'm 19, currently working part time as a buser, I go to graphic design school, I don't have a car or my license, and I still live with my dad. Why? Because he won't give me a shot of being independent. I sometimes feel like he doesn't want to move out and grow up. He even hesitated me getting a job, and since he's my ride to work so I don't have a car thanks to him, he sometimes makes me late just so I can get fired. I told him I want to save money to buy a car and have my mom help me with driving, but he recently started making me help pay rent and I'm barely left with any money to make it through the week. I know that he could be teaching me a lesson, but I rather learn these things on my own rather then go through whatever little game he's playing. He won't give me a chance to be independent with my own car and place, I feel like he's afraid of me growing up and wants ne to be a pathetic loser who needs him all the time.
|Posted by nobody at May 22, 2012|
I'm have had a very hard life since the get go. I'm barely 19 but I haven't had the will to live since what feels like forever. I was supposed to have died at birth but by some miracle (which I sometimes wish didn't occur) I was born okay. However, I was born into a family where I'm seen as an outcast, the black sheep, a nobody. Growing up it seemed like nobody cared about me, most of the time it was like I was invisible, it didn't help if I was at school of at home, I was always ostracized, viewed as a pariah. What little friends I did achieve in getting ended up stabbing me in the back or leaving me behind. I was always picked on or made fun of growing up. Then finally in middle school I started making a lot of friends, they were everything to me, I felt like we were all the same. I thought they felt the same way too. But in high school I was forced to go to a different school then my friends, I'd always go and visit them, call them, and hang out with them still. But no matter what I did, they all just melted away now I only have one of those friends left but even she is slowly drifting away and when she does I'll be alone again.
|Posted by Twohitsamatuer at May 22, 2012|
Well, my mom when to another country to find a better job with better working hours and a good paycheck and she's staying on my older brothers house. I stayed with my dad in our house. After 2 weeks he starts calling her, complaining there was no money to eat and saying he didn't know why she went there and shit like that. I endured this for sometime until the day i was with my girlfriend and her little sister in my house and he starting saying "my son has no balls!" because i didnt beg to my mother for him to go to France (here she's staying) too. I shout at him and packed my bags and when to a friends house. It was the day he found out I smoked. As a fucking asshole he went and told my mother i ran away because i was smoking in the house. After a week at my friends house he calls me crying saying for me to come back home and he regretted it. I came talk to him and came back in some conditions but he didnt followed them and ever sense has been worse but i cant go to my friends house again because i have no job and i dont want to be a leech. my dad has sold my mom's gold, treated her and my brother and told me to forget his my father. he's being selfish and only wants to know about whats best for him, he was used to being at home doing nothing while my mom went to 2/3 jobs to pay the bills. the moment he saw he had to get a job he because an asshole cheating bastard, talking with Brazilians on the internet and telling that my mom is the maid. but he still thinks he did nothing wrong
|Posted by anonymous at May 22, 2012|
Beware: this is just some stupid insignificant bitch moaning about nothing at all.
I shouldn't be complaining. the worst is over. six months ago the neighbours filed a complaint. they heard Dad screaming. He was kicking me at the time. I was taken into my Grans care. people found out about my parents abuse of me. and my cutting.
I couldn't act anymore. pretend everything is ok, smile, whatever. people stared at me in hallways and whisper. I've pushed everyone away but people won't accept that who I was before was a cover up. I'm nothing. i'm so ugly, stupid and disgusting. I wish I was dead. but I can't. I owe more then that to my grandmother. she's the only one who's loved me unconditionally. but even she can't see the pain I'm in. I cut myself daily and can't eat a decent meal without puking it out. I want to stop but I've no idea how. I feel like they're the only things keeping me alive. I cry myself to sleep each night and wish I wasn't me.
I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me. when I'm not a selfish bitch my mind is reliving memories of being beaten; being told I'm nothing. I know everyone things I'm a freak. behind the sympathetic smile it's just disgust.
my life is meaningless and insignificant. I guess I deserve it with all the shit I've done. I deserve worse.
people should give up on me. I'm not worth it
then I could end this guiltlessly
I'm too stupid and weak to get out of this cycle
what is wrong with me
oh yeah, I'm a stupid, ignorant, ugly freak