I'm a 43 year old male who is physically ugly,has o.c.d., depression, mental illness, and nightmares(for 21 years and still counting.) I'm stuck in a crappy job at a supermarket bagging groceries and cleaning filth and trash. Its a shithole. Girls and women ignore me and shun me, and I am forever lonely,day in, day out, year in, year out. What makes this situation especially gut wrenching and tragic is that I am partly to blame for this sad situation. As a teenager in grade school(from 1982 to 1987,) there were a few friendly, pretty girls who asked to date me or tried to be friends with me, but I stupidly refused, and these golden opportunities are gone forever. I'm angry at myself, to say the least. I refused and ignored these golden opportunities because I was 1) immature and mentally stunted. And 2) by the time I got to high school, mental illness, depression, hatred, anger, bitterness, and alienation developed within me, and I developed a hatred for girls, schoolmates, and teachers(I have had a prior and continuing history of being mistreated and ignored by so many of them since 8 years old,2nd grade,1977. So by the time I'm in high school, I am mentally wounded and mentally screwed up, and alienated, so full of hate that I couldn't think straight at the time. Because of the evil,nasty girls, I failed to connect with the good ones. Too fucking late for me now. In the last 25 years after leaving grade school in 1987, there has not been a single opportunity for me to get a date, even when I am the one who is doing the asking and initiating. Not in a zillion years am I going to get another opportunity. Why? Because I have personally and sadly discovered (too damn late), that girls and women outside grade school are a lot colder,more UNFRIENDLY, more impersonal, more aloof, more dehumanizing, more fragmented, more disconnected, more cruel, more evil than they are inside grade school. In other words, morally speaking, girls and women are WORSE outside of school than in it. If only I had known then what I know now, and if my mental state was normal during grade school, I would have made a girlfriend a long time ago. I believe some evil satanic force stopped me at the time, evil forces who thrive on hatred, misery, failure, hopelessness. This fucked up world of evil and suffering is being ruled by the Devil, as ALL of history sadly illustrates., and as my own sad life illustrates. Bleak and hopeless is the future, and we have a God who doesn't know how to help his creatures. Truly pitiful and embarrassing. I think I'll sign myself in a lunatic hospital, as this is a sick, screwed up, fucked up, sad sack, crap sack world. People are cruel, and nature is cruel to the umpteenth degree, and the end results are thousands to millions of years of evil,cruelty,suffering,death, and extinctions. History is like an endless horror novel or like an endless horror movie, and the devil is the author and director. I'm angry as shit. There's a lot to be angry about, and a lot to worry about. Intense, unrelieved loneliness fills my life, day in, day out, year in, year out, unhealthy for both my heart and my mind.