So.. it has come, I have fell into complete insanity..I do not even know what to say, My mind has fallen into a deep despondent mental abyss. words just cannot explain. HAha I cant help but to laugh, If I didnt learn to laugh at my pain how could I survive? but who am I? or who are we? Is this a dream? I cant say I know anymore.. I have been hit. not by financial things or "what could've been" situations but by loneliness in the mind. if you "think" you can understand, or "largehearted" to try...Know this you cant. The way I see world is on another level only because of this mental sadness that has been with me for so many years. sorry to say but, Our minds are worlds apart. and no matter how hard you try, you lose yourself within your own thoughts and suffer because of that that futile attempt. I will watch you die inside, tryin to save me? someone who has is already gone. Gahh, The pain is tremendous. I cut myself to try to get my off of these thoughts but I feel nothing.. The Agony that lies inside my mind just seems to overwhelm my physical pain. then my emotions? these feelings? are only fed to my mind which only make it worst. Killing me slowly. I smoke cigarettes in hope of cancer. let me die breathless, then watch my mind melt into a puddle that can fall into the drain of madness...and thats where I'll rest. with nothing to look forward to but despair and emptiness...Im 17 with a dying soul. Ha I even Have gray hair! but through all this I continue to live. fearing to dream...it seems my mind takes over then... I only can stand for so long without my legs fallen asleep, then how can I stand?