I'm 32 and I have always trusted everyone with my heart even when I knew the were thrusting the dagger into my back and this has always cost me tremendously. So wtf is wrong with me. I have a daughter from a horrible marriage, fell into two terrible relationships and then met the woman of my dreams...or was she? I love her more than my own life as well as her four children and now she is about to give birth to my son but extenuating circumstances, at no fault to either of us (well, that is open to interpretation) has caused me to move into a hotel for the past few months. I, like a jackass, went on match to try and find some people to hang out with. Really, a dating site....you fucking dumbass?? How incredibly fucking stupid could I be? I can swear on my life ten times over that it was strickly pleauonic, just wanting friendly company, but seriously, how could I not have thought about how she would have perceived it??!!!!! Well, to shore this up, she found out just after she made an unbelieveable deal to get me back in the house. Simply put, she said the hell with you and go fuck yourself, you are a worthless, lying, deceiving pos and I want nothing to do with you. Can I blame her?? All I wanted was to help raise her four children and my son to be but now I am on my own and all due to my pathetic insecurities about being alone. Don't get me wrong, two months plus in a hotel not being allowed to see the woman that holds my heart was brutal but how could I have been so stupid? Why couldn't I have been stronger? I never even met up with anyone and my profile implicitly said just looking for someone to hang out with, have a cup of coffee with and share simple conversation but what the hell was I thinking? I truly hate myself and my life and wish that I could just go to sleep and never wake up as the one woman who truly holds my heart now vomits just by the sight of me!!!!