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Trying to be an optimist.

Posted by Ambreen. at December 4, 2010
Tags: 2010 December  Family  Religion

I read most of the stories here so I felt I can share mine and perhaps get some advice. I am 26, single, quite educated with a teaching job and aspiring to study further. Being from a Moslem third world country make independence impossible(culturally and economically)for a woman but I have tried to do the best I could do. I argued and fought with my father, who is EXTREMELY abusive. He has been beating my mother and both his daughters for the past many many years. As a child and as an adult I have seen domestic abuse to an extent that I have internalized it as a part of domestic life. My father is insanely controlling and my mother who was 14 years his junior never stood up against him. He tried to stop me from going to college and finding a job, but I argued and fought and was able to complete my Masters and get a job in the same college. This opportunity gave me a lot of independence if not a lot of money. Then he started forcing me to get married to some one I did not approve of. I was mercilessly beaten, but I didnt give up and threatened to commit suicide if he didnt stop. Thankfully, my mother intervened. Some time after this incident, I met a very supportive sweet guy from a very poor family who belongs to a different sect and fell in love with him. His hardwork got him a scholarship for Phd in an American university, and he had to leave. I was very very depressed... athough he contacts me often and keeps telling me that he will not give up on me, I feel very insecure. I am trying to get enrolled in the same university but in a household where everything from letters to phonecalls are monitored, I feel the impossibility of making it work... On the other hand, we are both unwilling to give up on each other... I feel terribly sad, sometimes and wish to escape somehow... but e answer is how? I dont wish to elope,though my boyfriend suggested it ( or perhaps I am too afraid to elope).At the same time my father is constantly pressurizing me to marry... I feel very tired and alone. what should i do?


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New Comment

By anonymous at 19,Dec,10 10:57

By at 26,Dec,10 21:06

You'r an adult, just do what feels best to YOU. Praying to Jesus doesn't help.
By anonymous at 11,Jan,11 22:17 Fold Up

Jesus has nothing to do with it, she doesn't pray to him and she's extremely strong and has gotten this far. Idiot.

By anonymous at 19,Dec,10 19:38

You're father sounds like a typical Muslim. In my opinion the world would be a much better place if there were no Muslims. What a horrible group of people.
By anonymous at 18,Mar,12 00:33

Non-Muslims interested to learn about Islam can now dial toll-free

By anonymous at 08,Aug,12 23:34 Fold Up

WOW i feel bad for you. you are a horrible person if there were no muslims in this world there would be no world or it would be like HELL EVERYONE IS FREE TO FOLLOW ANY RELIGION THEY want and just so you know not only muslim fathers are like this A LOT OF OTHER RACES ARE TOO! its not about your religion its about what kind of person you are!

By anonymous at 19,Dec,10 19:54

As an American woman, I have served in the US Army and been overseas to where Islam is practiced, I got a feeling of what it may be like. This just shows how much freedom women have over here. Anyway my point is It has always been this way for women in these muslim countries, it sickens me that men who are supposed to be our protectors abuse their role as men...They have so much to answer for in the next life when they meet God, all women need to stand up to all men in these countries, kill them if you have to, otherwise it will continue to be this way for another thousand years. These are just my thoughts, it just that there are other women in other countries that wish they can actually do something about all this.
By anonymous at 28,Dec,10 07:02

remember that over here, killing has dire consequences. I understand your point of view. As a man, I was raised with values that emphasized respect, understanding and equality.
A lot of "men" need to realise that women are human beings and should not only protect them but adore them for what they are : LIFE GIVING AND NURTURING!
By at 08,Mar,11 14:02 Fold Up

army madam.. Ther's no such holy books which guides to abuse/lock the freedom for women.. Same way i mean In Islam its not written to lock the women.. Islam such a pure & only 1 true religion is misguided by some naked people..
By anonymous at 14,May,11 05:31

dude you should read islam holy book not what your faggot religious leader teach

By at 21,Dec,10 10:49

Hey, I'm not so sure that the comments left here are very helpful or understanding to your situation. Trying to take an objective point of view, it seems to me that you are a very intelligent and determined young woman who has fought through many societal and domestic pressures to develop opportunities that are very unlikely to many people in similar circumstances. Your accomplishments thus far are quite admirable and you should be proud of yourself. That being said, you are at a point where it seems like decisions will have to be made. It sounds like your father is not going to change any time soon. I think that even if your mother doesn't realize what you should do, I'm sure she and your sisters want the best for you. If you can show them from example what life can be like, you are doing them a great service. Your story is a very difficult one, and very interesting. It sounds like you are in love, which is an amazing thing (and more rare than many people think) and you have an opportunity to live a dream life. No one will be able to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but based upon what you've written, it would be very encouraging and heart warming if you were able to "better your situation". I wish you the best... (Also keep in mind that there are ignorant people all over the world, and in every religion!)
By at 21,Dec,10 12:26

the comments on this page made me smile and wince at the same time.@jdnyc I am specifically responding to your comment because I find it the most reasonable and econcouraging. thank you and thanks to the rest of the people here.
I'd just like to clarify one misconception here. The problem has less to do with Islam, and more to do with a patriarchal male dominated third world society.The interesting thing is despite not being a staunchly religious Moslem, i am very proud of who I am and what I believe in. The issue is not Islam, the issue is twisting a reasonably spiritual and logical set of values to suit one's own wishes.Religious philosophies are purely subjective; and trust me when we (women) read the Quran, we interpret the surah about 70 virgins in jannat (heaven) as a reward for piety in purely feminist terms.(The men emphasize its just meant for them wink*) haha. So people, relax. Jdc rightly said ignorant people are everywhere in the world. What one should possess is humility and tolerance; a very understated aspect of Islam so far. Yes, the best thing so far has been falling in love with a fiercely independent wonderful guy, who is currently half way across the world (smiles sadly *)
Currently, I am trying to somehow sustain a long distance relationship,studying, hoping and praying that life will take a turn for the better.There is so much that needs to be changed in this world. Life sucks, sometimes. Doesnt it?
By anonymous at 22,Dec,10 19:14

You are fool. You are the same kind of person that would polish the brass on the titanic as it sunk. Wake up.
By anonymous at 24,Dec,10 01:45

lol, its a dignified way of dying. Gosh!
By at 08,Mar,11 14:18 Fold Up

hmmm.... Ignorant peoples all over the world.. Good said.. Ambreen your 1st mistake is that u texted ur name, i mean a muslim.. Fine thats very true n good to b a musallee.. Never b a reason for the blackening of our true,pure only 1 trustworthy religion islam. Everybody shud know in quran its not writen to lock the women freedom rather women protection, about ur dad, its his wild nature,nothing to do with his religion.. Khuda hafiz. T.c. May u get ur love. Ameen
By at 21,Dec,10 12:55 Fold Up

great words

By anonymous at 23,Dec,10 00:14

Muslims are a plague on this earth. The world won't take much more of them. There will be a tipping point. Eventually, good will triumph over evil and the filthy pigs will be destroyed.
By anonymous at 24,Dec,10 01:46

this is a forum for sharing difficulties, not spewing hate for no reason. If you donot have anything interesting or positive to say to me,keep your comments to yourself.
By anonymous at 26,Dec,10 04:20

Muhammad was a pedophile. The Koran tells it's followers to have sex with children and kill people that are nonbelievers. I'd say that the hatred toward this horrible religion is justified.
By anonymous at 28,Dec,10 12:53

please go away. I am not interested in hearing from you at all and I wish to maintain my civility.

By anonymous at 20,Feb,12 06:06

you should watch
The arrivals

By anonymous at 18,Mar,12 00:21

Non-Muslims interested to learn about Islam can now dial toll-free


By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 23:53

and my final comment to all you degenerates who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.

By anonymous at 28,Sep,12 06:40

im muslim, or maybe not. idk i dont like it

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