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my life sucks

Posted by jane at December 7, 2010
Tags: Attitude  2010 December  Family  Loneliness

right now it's 4:38am in the morning and i'm sitting here trying to bring to myself to swallow a packet of pills. The sad thing is, if i did, and ended up overdosing and dying no one would know. because i live by myself and no one ever comes to visit because i have no friends.

i have family and relatives but they don't give a ratsass about me. When i put it in words my life doesn't actually sound so bad, i have really low self esteem ever since my boyfriend dumped me 5 years ago for some other hotter girl... yea i'm still not over him. I'm probably the most socially awkward person out there and i can't seem to fix it no matter how hard i try. At one stage i thought it was a confidence problem so i looked up ways to become more confident with myself and tried those things but it didn't work. Tried telling myself that there are people there who have it way worst than i do but somehow i didn't believe it. I've been looking for a job for about 3 years now but no one will give me a chance (probably because i'm so socially awkward).

Don't even get me started on how fucked up my mind is. You know i actually fantasise about my sister dying sometimes? not becuaes she's a bad person or anything but because i may get some form of attention from others if it happened. How fucking fucked up is that? i'm a fucking horrible person.

i feel so fucking depressed all the time. i feel so fucking horrible and hate myself everyday. I feel ugly and lonely. I feel like things will never change for me


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Similar Entries:
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it still sucks August 10, 2011



New Comment

Comments:
By at 26,Dec,10 14:05

your problem is easily fixed with medication. Your brain just isn't producing the right chemicals, and you need to be treated for it.

It is simple if you choose to take meds and feel better, or keep trying to figure out what wrong with yourself and your depression in denial.

People don't want to be around those who are a buzz kill or depressed because it is catchy liike a virus. YOU bring other people down.

People are attracted to happy smiles on confident people. YOu scare people awa like a person with a plague.

Get some help, and read Dr. Phils book SELF MATTERS
By anonymous at 27,Dec,10 02:59

if you take meds you wownt know what your truly feeling.


By anonymous at 26,Dec,10 16:02

ignore dr phil, don't take medication, turn yourself over to the one who made you, you sacrificed himself for you personally, he is knocking on your door you have to answer it. He is the one who will for-fill your emptiness inside, the spiritual warfare we are in is very intense and critical to understand. The lord is available 24/7 via his holy ghost which is present everywhere. It will lead you on the very special plan Jesus has for you. Pray for salvation, repent your sins, be washed in the blood of the lamb. You will be happy. If you commit suicide, that will be a impossible mistake that you will regret for eternity. medications are poison
By anonymous at 26,Dec,10 16:48

You're so full of shit. I've seen your comments on other posts, you don't know that depression is caused by low dopamine levels? You think that praying to some retarded God will save anyone's problems? I have 2 words for you: FUCK YOU.
By anonymous at 26,Dec,10 22:10

I disagree, medications can cause more problems than they solve. Medications must always be closely followed by a doctor to see if they are working, and if not, another therapy is needed.
My recommendation is to join a club, especially a local reptile society. All reptile club members are better looking than their pets. The nice part about reptiles is that when you go on vacation, you can put them into hibernation until you get back home. You can also carry your pet reptile with you in a small box or bag and they will be perfectly happy. Reptiles are the fastest growing segment of the pet market.
By anonymous at 27,Dec,10 21:06

What the fuck is wrong with you? Who the fuck gives a shit about reptiles?
By anonymous at 28,Dec,10 05:44 Fold Up

AGREED


By anonymous at 28,Dec,10 06:41

WOW!
I can't believe the comments written on this page. Medication, God and reptiles, say no to drugs, that's for sure....God is always with us wether we like it or not. And reptiles....well, I won't even go there.

I've been dumped 8yrs ago, after an off and on relationship that lasted almost for 5 yrs. It certainly takes a toll on self esteem. Social awkwardness is a direct result of a lack thereof. Having no one to talk to and share your thoughts can make someone's mind spin out of control, that's normal, believe it or not. "Depression" is also a result of external circumstances not just a brain chemical enzyme production problem. Give yourself a chance, it's hard to meet someone, especially when you're as sad as you are. Good guys are still around, I swear. I never meet women, I work night watch in a lonely building. Life sucks, but at least people like us get to blow off steam on this site, right? Believe me, my ex-girl was indifferent, cold and egocentric (to say the least). It happens you know! We all long for love and are bound to find it somehow. Keep your head up and don't lose hope. We all have dark thoughts during hard times so don't feel bad. I've had them as well and I never acted on them. YOU ARE HEALTHIER THAN YOU THINK (healthier than some of the freaks on this page). I'll keep you in my thoughts:)

TAKE CARE!


By anonymous at 28,Dec,10 14:11

The two most important things in this life are faith and hope. You have to maintain your faith that there is hope. I lost the love of my life. The worst thing I ever had to do was bury her and my child. And I have been alone ever since. But I keep trying to find my faith. There has to be hope...there has to be. There can't be so much pain and evil in this world without some good. I am so tired of looking for it, myself. But my faith keeps pulling me through has i white knuckle my way through life. Keep your faith....for there is always hope!


By anonymous at 05,Jan,11 10:12

im 14 and just like you i got pick on since elementary and people joke on me all the time and cried every single day so they thought something was wrong so they put me in the hospital and gave me medication that dint work my therpist the only one help me with my problems i dint have no boyfriend no friend nobody then i started to get out and she how i feel i thought everybody would have look at me funny because i think im ugly but now i have friends not many but its enuff for me and i have three boys that text my phone everyday and i dont even know them but it will be oka u will have the best blessing u can every get 4uck that nigga he wasnt real any way if he left u for a prettier gurl and dnt forget god dint send us here to be like.


By at 12,Jun,11 18:22

This has made my day. I wish all ptsoigns were this good.


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