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half of a lifetime gone

Posted by jordab at March 4, 2011
Tags: Bad Luck  Family  2011 March  Money

i'm a 34 year old man, just recently back out on his own after 1.5 years at my parent's house. in the spring of 2008, my son, who lived with my ex-wife, was having troubles, and they were naturally blamed on me. that summer, she sent him to his grandparents house instead of to me, and didnt bother to tell me. i had to do the detective work and go pick him up myself. the grandparents called the cops(im his dad, i had custody as well)traumatizing him and me as well. she filed a protective order in california, and not only lied about the details of the order, but had a sworn affadavit that i had been served the paperwork for the date of the trial. she did not serve me, so i lost any custody and had to send my son back at the end of the summer; at 14, he begged, pleaded, and cried not to have to go. three months later, my closest friend of 15 years died unexpectedly while walking downstairs. six days later, my then-girlfriend of four years had a psychotic break from multiple new antidepressant/mood altering medications, and started punching me. i grabbed her arms and asked her to stop, and at that moment her 12 year old daughter ran to us, screaming for me to let go of her mom. mon took that opportunity to slim an arm loose and begin punching me again, and the daughter took the cue from mom and rushed in to help. i pushed mom away from me, and grabed the daughter and alley-ooped her into the recliner near me. i packed my stuff, all of it, and left. two days later, i have a warrant for assault and child abuse. during this debacle, wherein i actually had statements from her to others claiming that the whole thing was a lie, that i didn't attack or harm anyone, the system, the cops, everyone invloved was simply out for blood. i lost my business, i lost my car, then i lost my home. eight months after all of this started, i was homeless and staying in a temporary shelter run by the county. when i got out, i found my parents had taken everything i owned (n ot much at all, actually), down to my underwear, and took it with them to iowa. no friends here, no memories; this is a small, stupid little town, and i come from large cities. i've made no friends, im involved in no activities, nothing here offers me joy. i've considered moving, but at this point, any type of motion, forward or otherwise, is absolutely terrifying. I lost over $100k in business items, every personal item that was in my storage shed, including a lifetime's worth of books, albums, correspondence, gifts - everything. i dont know how to get out of this rutm this feeling that my time has passed and everything is downhill from now on. everyone my age seems to have their careers and families in the right place; mine is spread and blasted all over hell and back, and i simply dont know where to go from here. fuck.


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By at 20,Mar,11 11:17

All the things that you have to endure...
I can't imagine how hard it must be.

I wish I could tell you that better times will come.
But I can't.
No one knows what the future holds.

But what I do think is once that your son is an adult, he'll contact you again and you'll be able to see him whenever you want. I think he'll blame his mother later, because she didn't let him see you.

I hope things will get better for you. Keep hanging in there okay?

Wishing you all the best,


By anonymous at 20,Mar,11 18:56

thanks dude
i was having a shitty day-read this and thought-christ I really dont have it so bad.
I know it it still sucks for you and as a fellow father and human I feel bad.
I wish for all that suffer crap like this that there was a turn around coming--but-its life

and that sucks

By anonymous at 21,Mar,11 10:01

dunno what to say.. you gave me light.. thought mine was the worst... hang in there as faraa said..

By aoife at 21,Mar,11 16:30

come to ireland :)
you need a new start and from this story you'v had notn but bad luck (like me before).
i can give you a job in 1 of my resturants as a barman or something, and il get you some were to live. reply to this if you want a new start.
By anonymous at 21,Mar,11 17:50

i wanna a new start...i have worked many years in resturants and bars in the US...can i come??
By aoife at 22,Mar,11 14:22

good :)
am it will be about 6weeks till i sort out something.
see my dad left me the resturants and im only 20!
i will mail you when something comes up.
you will looove it here i promise. :)
talk to you soon.

By at 22,Mar,11 15:02

Damn man. Here's to better days. if you ever need someone to talk to.

By anonymous at 22,Mar,11 20:06

I know this will probably sound cheesy and worthless...but PICK YOURSELF UP! Get your life together, come up with an idea to make money again, and fight for your son! Are you really okay with standing there, scared of failure, and let those abusers and your liar of a wife win? If you lost over $100k in business items, it means your capable of earning it back. If you think it can happen, it CAN. If everyone your age has their careers and families in the right place, then find your place. It's terrifying, but you have to get past that and fight to get your life back.

Colonel Sanders's (the KFC guy) father died when he was 5. His stepfather beat him. He was at the utmost lowest point in his life when he came up with the idea of Kentucky Fried Chicken and became successful. And I'm not saying you're in any way related to his life story, because it's your own life. Find something.

Pity is not going to help you, so I'm just going to wish you the best of luck.

By anonymous at 22,Mar,11 23:32

Damn!!! I know you heard all the cliches, and you probably dont want to hear another, so I wont repeat any of them,but dont give up this situation will change, change is the one thing we can count on and the only constant in all our lives,and if you keep pushing to succeed, your son will respect your strength and determination when he becomes a man.

By Youssef at 19,Jul,15 11:09

Apr11Soji I did receive the noticifation, but I didn't see the email announcing the official opening of those spots, It happened so fast. But, I will keep an eye out for next time. Thanks.

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