im 24 yo male from central europe. ive never had a girlfriend, never had sex, neither kissed a girl on her lips. dont want to go to the hooker because i dont feel like doing it. i dont have any pleasure in my life whatsoever. im playing poker professionally, making quite good money from it. you might say that im lucky boy that i can make money, but thats just foolish. im sitting in front of the computer around 15 hours a day and the rest of the day i sleep. i dont feel like leaving home at all. i dont have a pleasure of doing anything at all. my life is like that since around 5 years. I'm a bit socially awkward and i have a cholinergic urticaria, which wastes my life and can't be cured. im kind of shy coz of it, can't get stressed, nor work out, nor going to the heavy sun, because i make my body hurt like motherfucker.
lately i started to drink alcohol more often. this lets me to not think about my retarded life and gives me the opportunity to lose time without feeling it. i hate my life and my dream is to become 40 years old and start having fun with whores. right now im not doing it becuase i still believe that magically i will find a girl somehow somewhere which obviously is not gonna happen ever. i feel that i will live like that for the rest of my retarded life.
im unpleasant to every person that i know. i hate my family, which raised and followed me to the point that im here right now. i would like everybody around me to disappear and let me live alone. i dont have any friends. my "friends" dont like me, because i show that i dont like them, which is not what i want to show, but thats just me. i have a lot of people on facebook which i dont like and they probably dont like me as well, but what can i do? thats just how i am. unsocial loner and hater. one of my dreams was to kill both parents and get away with it somehow. but then id have to kill myself because i dont feel like going to prison. i would actually be happy with killing myself, but i dont have balls to do it and i always feel that maybe somehow someday something will change, which is not gonna happen anyway. i wrote a very similar thing 2 years ago and nothing changed at all. i still have the same problems and still cant beat them.
i hope that alcohol that im drinking lately everyday will help me die faster, because i dont feel like doing anything with my life. i dont feel like anything in my life is going to change, buecase oi dont even have a motivation to change anything. i hate this life.. my god why do i live? this is completely nonsense.. im talking to some nerds on the internt about my problems, because i have nobody. my parents are idiots and i cant stand them.
my life is completely clueless and worthless, i have no point in living at all. what im doing is just fulfilling my needs and waiting for death. i hope it will come fast, because i dont have balls to drastically speed it up