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hate life, please let me die

Posted by anonymous at July 6, 2011
Tags: Attitude  2011 July

im 24 yo male from central europe. ive never had a girlfriend, never had sex, neither kissed a girl on her lips. dont want to go to the hooker because i dont feel like doing it. i dont have any pleasure in my life whatsoever. im playing poker professionally, making quite good money from it. you might say that im lucky boy that i can make money, but thats just foolish. im sitting in front of the computer around 15 hours a day and the rest of the day i sleep. i dont feel like leaving home at all. i dont have a pleasure of doing anything at all. my life is like that since around 5 years. I'm a bit socially awkward and i have a cholinergic urticaria, which wastes my life and can't be cured. im kind of shy coz of it, can't get stressed, nor work out, nor going to the heavy sun, because i make my body hurt like motherfucker.

lately i started to drink alcohol more often. this lets me to not think about my retarded life and gives me the opportunity to lose time without feeling it. i hate my life and my dream is to become 40 years old and start having fun with whores. right now im not doing it becuase i still believe that magically i will find a girl somehow somewhere which obviously is not gonna happen ever. i feel that i will live like that for the rest of my retarded life.

im unpleasant to every person that i know. i hate my family, which raised and followed me to the point that im here right now. i would like everybody around me to disappear and let me live alone. i dont have any friends. my "friends" dont like me, because i show that i dont like them, which is not what i want to show, but thats just me. i have a lot of people on facebook which i dont like and they probably dont like me as well, but what can i do? thats just how i am. unsocial loner and hater. one of my dreams was to kill both parents and get away with it somehow. but then id have to kill myself because i dont feel like going to prison. i would actually be happy with killing myself, but i dont have balls to do it and i always feel that maybe somehow someday something will change, which is not gonna happen anyway. i wrote a very similar thing 2 years ago and nothing changed at all. i still have the same problems and still cant beat them.

i hope that alcohol that im drinking lately everyday will help me die faster, because i dont feel like doing anything with my life. i dont feel like anything in my life is going to change, buecase oi dont even have a motivation to change anything. i hate this life.. my god why do i live? this is completely nonsense.. im talking to some nerds on the internt about my problems, because i have nobody. my parents are idiots and i cant stand them.

my life is completely clueless and worthless, i have no point in living at all. what im doing is just fulfilling my needs and waiting for death. i hope it will come fast, because i dont have balls to drastically speed it up


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 12,Aug,11 19:34

If you think sex or a girl is going to fix all of this, you are shit out of luck, my friend.

Don't kill yourself and don't kill anybody else. Pull up a blank document and write "MY DREAMS" at the top. Then start typing without stopping to think. Write everything you want to do in life, if you had no limits and no one ever said no. Just keep typing until you type the things that make you cry (or at least feel very deeply). Write the things you want ("to feel better about my dad," "to sing for the pope," "to piss off of a spaceship." Whatever. But trust me. It works, if you take it seriously.

In life, it helps to want something, and it helps to know what you want. Then write down three things you can do tomorrow to make some of them happen. Do this everyday. And voila.


By anonymous at 12,Aug,11 20:51

I implore you to step away from your computer, print out what you have written here and bring it to the emergency room. You sound like you are in serious danger of killing yourself. I speak from experience: with medication and/or talk therapy you CAN feel happiness one day. And if you kill yourself, you won't get a chance to feel happy and I guarantee you will absolutely devastate at least dozens of people, some that you would never even imagine would care, beyond all belief. they will carry the burden of the pain that you are feeling for a very very long time. the grief that you will leave them with will be the worst and most complex type. they will be wracked with guilt and questions and sadness that they weren't good enough to help you in your darkest hour. and when they aren't blaming themselves--this in the midst of a terrifying grief and shock due to your untimely death-they will start to blame others in an unfair way. If you can't get help for you-please do it if you give even the tiniest shit for anyone else.


By at 13,Aug,11 01:54

Die Motherfucker Die !!


By anonymous at 13,Aug,11 04:15

This happens to socially recluse people. At your age, go out and mingle. It is not like that you are in a 3rd world country or some orthodox country where girls and boys mingling is a social taboo. Just go out and mingle. You will find people who are interested in you and also girls in your country make friends easily so why waste your youth in just thinking... Try turning your thinking into action. Act on it.


By anonymous at 13,Aug,11 21:32

I know your problem. YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND A GIRLFRIEND AND HAVE SEX AND HAVE FUN WITH HER!!! GO DATING!!! YOUR PROBLEM WOULD BE SOLVED!!!!!!!!!TRUST ME!!!!!!! I AM 16 and still a virgin and depressed. I am exactly like you, depressed, no life and no friends. I only dated once, and the feeling after dating rocks!!! I swear you will become a changed person after you dated and have sex. SO GO ON FIND GIRLFRIEND ONLINE AND MEET THEM OUT NOW!!!


By anonymous at 14,Aug,11 23:44

Man... Im just like you...
I feel so lonely...
I've never had a girlfriend, neither kissed a girl too.
I thought things were going to change at college.
but nothing happened and my life continues to suck...
but I still think we are going to find that special chick someday...
You've got to believe, man!
I know... I know... I sound like an insane person...
but there are billions of girls around the world...
Some girl got to be the one for you...
You've got 2 believe!


By anonymous at 16,Aug,11 13:24

I'm 26 and like you, but without the cholinergic urticaria! That must suck!!!


By at 18,Aug,11 21:11

u gotta break that lock , u can get out of that prison that u hide urself into it. believe me, just practice to live normal, and keep doing it. u'll get use to it so fast. just get up every morning, have a good breakfast, go to gym or walking for an hour or 2, find a job to help u to socialize with ppl more, from this way u will find more friends and money, i know u said u dont need money, but this way is the way u worked hard for that money and u will not spend it easily. alcohol is not a good way to get rid of not thinking about ur life, u gotta fix it urself not alcohol . try not to play poker. and plz dont ever never think and talk about killing someone or urself, u just make ur life harder than this is by killing someone. be serious in ur life, ur still young and lots of desires to get to them. i wish u a happy, wealthy and healthy life
By at 18,Aug,11 21:13

u can find me on facebook > nova taban
if u would like to talk more about this, i'm there for u anytime.


By anonymous at 19,Aug,11 02:16

I'll be your girlfriend and we'll have sex all night long. You don't want to die, we don't want you to either. You have comments here treaching out to you, take advantage of them. We all get depressed, but you're too young to give up, so don't! Now, stop drinking and go out and offf the computer for a bit. The internet is not the real world, but you got comments to look up people on facebook, and I think that would be good for you, but stop wanting to die and live! Good luck, you'll be ok.


By anonymous at 25,Aug,11 19:36

Aaaw the comment above! Tell me girl, would you really have sex with him?

Dude who wrote this story. I wish I could help you. I wish I could help all of you. Practically, not praying for you, but i wish I could meet every person. I don't want lives wasted. It's bad enough with just my own but you other poor people need help,


By anonymous at 08,Apr,12 03:51

I just want to die my life is so bad


By anonymous at 24,Apr,12 20:06

I know how you feel.. I'm 19 and have been depressed for year. I too have a tendency towards being antisocial or cynical of other people... Though deep inside, that isn't me.
I have no advice for you because I myself haven't been able to find any solution to the way I've felt for years. I tried to commit suicide in the past. I daydream about finally taking myself on a regular basis, but like you said I know I won't have the guts to do it..
I hope you find some answers..


By anonymous at 01,May,12 14:16

What a lot of nonsense, all of you. If you are all going to be so fucking miserable, might as well drop dead now, the whole lot of you, and I will join you pathetic suckers! If, at your young age, with the whole world offered to you on a plate, you are still unable to appreciate what you got and have some fucking fun, then you do deserve to die, so shut up and do it.


By Elamine at 13,Sep,12 17:02

I think so. I use a supermarket pnoits card and pay for my weekly shop using their credit card (which I pay off at the end of each month), earning more pnoits that way. I now I have about a3140 worth of "points" accumulated to spend on goodies for Christmas.If you mean the savings stamps cards, if you are useless at saving and want a kitty of money you won't be able to spend elsewhere, it might be a good idea for you. I have done it in the past, but if you want to save a lot of money you would probably be better off with a building society account!References :


By anonymous at 09,Dec,12 13:40

I am paralyzed from the chest down, spinal cord cancer. Attempted suicide once before. Can't live in this wheelchair anymore. I have begun to hate everything. I have been in chair 1 1/2 years. No hope.


By crorkz mattz at 15,Jan,15 20:15

SLpSPJ great post, very informative. I wonder why the opposite experts of this sector do not notice this. You should continue your writing. I'm confident, you have a great readers' base already!


By Fidelia at 27,Dec,16 14:50

It's great to read something that's both enjoyable and provides prtadagismc solutions.


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