Ok well here we go..my life sucks..no matter how much make up I buy and how much I spend on heels and nice clothes..I never get noticed ever since I gained 50 pounds during my pregnancy 6 years and COUNTING!!... my sons dad didnt want me, nobody wants me..not even my parents ..I know they hate to say I belong to them. I find myself trying to settle for anything just to have companionship..but theyre really settling for me..acting like they like me ..then after they get what they want they move on..and on top of being fat my face isnt the best to look at either.
I get so depressed that most days I have to get drunk to even think IM pretty so I know guys feel the exact way..all this I have to hide from the world ..how I really feel because im know as "the sweet christian girl ..who loves everyone and isnt at all judgemental" which im not about anyone else but when it comes to me I cant say anything nice..im disgusting and gross..I wouldnt and couldnt kill myself because I have a seat in heaven waiting and wouldnt want to forfit my spot ..I know God loves me but why dont I love me..do I have a mental problem?? Ive always thought this way.
I cry all the time ..how I want marriage, true love and affection..but I cant get it..I know I will die alone and everyday I get closer and closer to my demise..I just want to not be so bored to the point im crying because all my friends are in relationships, married..living together..watching movies and eating popcorn..I feel like people "friends" listen to my sad life stories just so they can feel better about themselves..and on top of being fat,ugly and a single parent im also POOR..and recently was laid off..ughhh..who wants a women thats fat..ugly..single parent and is also broke and struggling..NOBODY!!
I try to say to myself looks arent everything but who am I kidding??..im 28 years old I know looks are everything..society makes it that way..if youre not skinny and pretty or ugly and rich ..your just here taking up space..its so depressing ..it hurts me to look in the mirror most days..ugh WHY ME??