im 17, yeah im a youngin but in all honesty i act 27. i dropped out at 16 and started college soon after getting my G.E.D i have a steady minimum wage job just to keep gas in my car and food in my belly. it isnt all bad except im the "black sheep" of the family. and when i say that i just mean i get treated differently then my brother. he was the first born so i guess that means most love. i try to do good and i think the reason i get treated so well, unimportantly is because its expected of me to do right. my bro is a total douche like seriously i dont knwo why God hasnt just sent a bolt of lightening his way. he's always been an asshole since i can remember anyways. so first shitty thing about my life is always striving to do right and not ever getting credit for it. i just feel unimportant and not special to my parents. another shitty thing about my life is my love life. ive been with the same guy for about 2 years. lost my v-card and everything to this kid. well he hates my parents and my parents hate him. he owes my mom like 1000 bucks and a couple houndred to my dad. anyways, he recently went to jail for some dumb shit and he was in for 6 months or so. and in those 6 months i convinced my parents that i was done with him (since he went to jail and all) and after i convinced them, i convinced myself that i was done too. so i did what any other teen would do, party and get fucked ass up. so for 6 months i was livin life to the fucking fullest and it was great. still, a huge part of me missed my boyfriend and when i got letters in the mail id just read them cry for an hour, then smoke a huge blunt and drink a bottle of liquor with my best friend. everyone has told me to leave him because he's no good and life is just going to be harder if i keep him around. i think im in love just because its my first love. and i feel like the reason i keep him around (oh btw, hes out and were back together) yeaaahhh i konw i suck. but anyways the reason i keep him around is really cause i dont want any other bitch to be with him but me. except only bad thing i want other guys, but then i dont want other guys. he wants me always has always will but everything is so different now and im scared im throwing my life away on one guy that has my virginity. ive done it with one other person while he was locked up and turns out he knew the guy ! yeah FUCK MY LIFE. he found out all about it and still took me back. i think he just feels sorry for me and sorry for himself. he's really trying to change though he wont party hes got a good job making good money just he's going to be working his ass off till the day he dies. hes got felonies and records and ugh just so many lawyer fines and fees. i dont want him out of my life. i want to keep him close because he has my heart. im just terrified that he wont understand like i do and will hate and neglect me. im confused and im scared to loose him again. i do love him and i know he loves me. i just dont know if thats enough anymore. ive always been mature in situations i didnt know how to handle but this is just too much for me. i cant be worried abuot him and worried about myself. if anyone read this, which i doubt anyone did but if you did,
THANK YOU (: | |
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