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University Blues

Posted by anonymous at November 29, 2011
Tags: Life Story  2011 November

I grew up an air force brat, moving from base to base. Friends were few and far between. At 7 my mother died and my father started drinking. 5 marriages later and he kicked me out at 16 because his wife said "It's me or your son.". I was thrown around sub-par foster homes and had no social life. I split from the program a few months before my 17th birthday and ran away to washington state. I learned to weld and worked at various fabrication shops. I decided to pursue a degree in chemical engineering to make something of myself. I earned a A.S in Mechanical engineering technology after my GED before I transfered to a 4-year university. Graduated summa cum laude and was a phi theta kappa member. Footed the bill myself to boot.

I Transfered to a four year university after advisors of all kinds guarunteed an academic full ride with rooom and board. They lied, I got screwed. I work 40-52 hours a week at FedEx to make ends meet and pay for school because "I'm inelligible for financial aid" and I don't get selected for merit scholarships. I go to school for 15 credit hours a semester. I now struggle to make a 2.0 Average. No one wants to hire that. I have virtually no friends and people only come around me when they want something or help with labs. I'm lucky if I sleep 4 hours a night anymore. Profs don't understand the concept and typically make asinine comments if I pass out in class. I've wondered if college is suppossed to be like this, but it appears that I'm surrounded by kids who have everything taken care of. No worry other than school or their relationships. As I progress forward, my future looks bleak. I'm only 20 but peers, profs, and coworkers think I'm in my mid 30's. I have zero time for fun like camping, kayaking, mountain biking, and rappelling. My sex life went straight down the toilet too. All of the females I've gotten close to since my move say I seem distant. I flinch if I'm cuddled and don't know why. Last time I got laid was only a week ago, but the sex was terrible. She got off, but I felt completely detached.

The only decent things for me are stable employment at a fortune 500 company and a blue chip one at that. my Calc 3 prof has no clue about my situation but looked me in the eye and said "Don't quit or they win". I also have a decent vehicle with no payments less insurance and operating costs. I have a roof over my head and recently upgraded my sleeping bag to a twin size bed. I built a computer the other day for my programming course next semester. Above all I can take pride in making my own way and hopefully writing my own ticket one day.

I'm starting to wonder what it is I must have done wrong to get a bad hand of crads or what is wrong with me to get dealt those cards. College is where you're supposed to go if you want to do something amazing. It seems like every step I've made towards realizing my goal is making me more and more unhappy. I'm often asking myself in the mirror every morning after shaving "Tell me, is this really worth it?". The only honest answer I can give myself is "I don't know, we'll have to see".


Similar Entries:
New school blues January 18, 2011
life suck April 15, 2010
hopeless January 22, 2012
I will survive. March 7, 2012
Life sucks. April 25, 2011

New Comment

By anonymous at 09,Jan,12 00:21

Wow, unlike so many of the people who write their stories, you are working hard and not giving up. You are going to be successful! Your hard work is going to pay off. You are smart and have a great work ethic. Any employer is going to be lucky to have you. Trust me, you are on your way to being successful. Keep plugging away. It will all be worth it!

By anonymous at 03,Feb,12 14:45

Props bro...i have read so many depressing and downbeat stories over here that it felt like everyone in this world is going to hell. I suffer from SA and i believe a lot of the people on this site suffer from it as well, along with depression and general feelings of insecurities. But kudos to you for keeping a good head on your shoulder, being a hard worker and supporting yourself. One day everyone at college will graduate and they will need to find their own place in this world. But what they will do in 4 years, you are doing right now. You have experience of the real world, and in todays economy that counts for Everything. I wish all the best.

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