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Life sucks... and then you die

Posted by qwerkyperson1471 at November 30, 2011
Tags: Anxiety  2011 November  Philosophical

For the longest time I have felt as if I am drowning in the blackest mire. No way out, just the darkness closing in.
But to explain to someone- ANYONE- well telling the truth takes more strength than I think I possess. You see, people believe, because I let them, that my childhood was decent enough. Few have ever seen me even mildly miserable- heaven forbid I should let them see the extent of my depression! I wear a face for the world and another in private... But the truth is my father was, and still is, an abusive shit. Such that I have exiled myself from my home and am studying too far away to visit. Just today I decided it would be too painful to return for the winter- I would rather stay here, alone, in the holidays than have to endure THAT house for even a day, let alone three weeks. I cannot face it anymore.
Yet even though I can logically trace the course of my depression and the deterioration of my sanity it still becomes increasingly difficult to cope. Small things become a chore. I shun human company. My studies are suffering. Some days I sleep too much; others I am too anxious to sleep at all. I do not want to feel like this anymore- I look out the window, see that it is a pleasant day, and want to end it.
Now I find myself increasingly turning to alcohol. And that has consequences of its own. I find that it loosens my tongue, and I admit things I never would sober. Then I do stupid things... And in the morning, when I wake, all I am left with is guilt and a massive hangover.


Similar Entries:
Life sucks. Period May 14, 2010
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never get what you want, life is just one kucked up game. May 17, 2009
it still sucks August 10, 2011

New Comment

By anonymous at 03,Jan,12 20:57

Hang in there......cling to good positive overall good people in your life......and dont waste very much time whatsoever on the ones that are causing to to turn to drinking and drugs perhaps.

They have already proven to have failed in there lives in some degree, so dont let them take you down with them.

"A wise man ( WOMEN ) learns from the mistakes of others, a fool by his own"

By anonymous at 05,Jan,12 22:34

Think to yourself that you will make a good life & challenge yourself to do it.

Focus on your studies & health (exercise).

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New Comment