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Outside looking in

Posted by anonymous at December 4, 2011
Tags: 2011 December  Sociopathy

I am a 28 year old decent looking sometimes creative human being. I believe I have a mental desease that has gone undiagnosed. I lack the ability to interact like a normal human being. At first glance I seem normal but to get to know me is to not understand me and ultimately not like me. Ive had very few real freinds in my life. One was a failed marriage. I am in the military and for that reason my family respects me. They know Im different but have been hiding it from me as a way of protecting me from myself. The worst part of it is that my mind can go into a switch mode that makes me normal. I can feel it. I can conversate think and react on my toes.I actually shine and feel brilliant. This switch can go on for months at a time. Suddenly when I start to feel comfertable in my own skin it goes away. Now it is gone I cannot think clearly or remember simple things. I cannot hold an interesting conversation with anyone. Its as if Everything I say has to be simple so I do not screw it up. Its almost as if im a totally different person. I feel like my soul is trapped inside my mind and it cant escape. I have the same feelings and emotions but I lack mental abilities to react the way my soul feels. I have to be strong. I have younger siblings that look up to me. I cannot simply end my life. My parents already lost a child in which I could have possibly prevented. I cannot burden them. I will hold on to my burden as long as I have to. So now I sit here all alone as I am inprisoned.


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By at 26,Jan,12 23:46

Your life sounds very similar to mine. Sounds like you are either bipolar or bipolar II. Only meds can help.

By anonymous at 30,Jan,12 18:37

I'm 18 and I feel that...

By Mark at 06,Mar,12 21:00

finnaly someone who under stands me

By anonymous at 04,Sep,12 04:07

Life is strange. I feel that way everyday. It almost feels rigged. My hope is that we can keep hope and live as one. There is rhythm in everything.. In walking, chewing, breathing, blinking... And so on.. I hope you have or can find some rhythm in life to keep things moving. We are all going through something. Lets be good to eachother and ourselves. Lets live.

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