I am a 28 year old decent looking sometimes creative human being. I believe I have a mental desease that has gone undiagnosed. I lack the ability to interact like a normal human being. At first glance I seem normal but to get to know me is to not understand me and ultimately not like me. Ive had very few real freinds in my life. One was a failed marriage. I am in the military and for that reason my family respects me. They know Im different but have been hiding it from me as a way of protecting me from myself. The worst part of it is that my mind can go into a switch mode that makes me normal. I can feel it. I can conversate think and react on my toes.I actually shine and feel brilliant. This switch can go on for months at a time. Suddenly when I start to feel comfertable in my own skin it goes away. Now it is gone I cannot think clearly or remember simple things. I cannot hold an interesting conversation with anyone. Its as if Everything I say has to be simple so I do not screw it up. Its almost as if im a totally different person. I feel like my soul is trapped inside my mind and it cant escape. I have the same feelings and emotions but I lack mental abilities to react the way my soul feels. I have to be strong. I have younger siblings that look up to me. I cannot simply end my life. My parents already lost a child in which I could have possibly prevented. I cannot burden them. I will hold on to my burden as long as I have to. So now I sit here all alone as I am inprisoned.