LIFE SUCKS

Where did everybody go?

I am all alone with two inherited pugs. I was always the closest to my grandmother. Then she had a stroke. I learned to be closer to my mother, although I still wanted an apology for some abuse issues for when I was a kid. Got house wheelchair ready, removed all carpeting and placed tile down, so my grandmother could move in and use her electric cart. She died before the move. Then mother got congestive heart failure. She lost her job so I supported her through my gov't job. Then, at my job, all of the office turned female, except me, and they wanted all of us to exercise. I didn't have time because I was taking care of my mother. Then I was suspended twice, which put blame on me for things the whole office was having trouble with. They said I should quit, so I wouldn't get a termination on my record. So I did, but not until I tried to get help from higher positioned employees, but nobody helped. Then I took my mother to get her well all of the time to doctors and hospitals, when necessary, and became a full-time nurse for her, at least until my money I saved ran out. Then last Christmas Eve, I tried to take her to the hospital because she had too much water bloating her up again. She fell over as I was getting her in the car. She slid out of the seat to the ground, I called 911, did CPR, but she died. EMS guys tried CPR for over another half hour, but she was gone. I had to go through life on my own after that, and it was hard looking, with sadness in my heart. No jobs available for a long time. Now the only one am able to have is part-time, and property/school tax due in one month. I am going to lose the house unless I can somehow get several thousand. Nobody wants to buy houses right now. It's almost a year since my mother died. I've tried to be friends with others since then, but they find me boring. It's hard to have a sense of humor all the time. Not sure why people can't accept me. Am always nice and smile a lot. Would laugh more if things turned around and I didn't have to worry so much. And the pugs have started to get gray haired. And so have I.