So I am married for 21 years raised her child from a previouse marriage and have one of our own.
relationship has been going downhill since before our child was born. Our sex life is non existent, before she got pregnant with our child it had been over a year of no sex. Now 15 years later havent made love since she got pregnant. I had an apendix burst all she was worried about was if I had sick leave time so I wouldnt lose any pay, not that I could actually die but whether the dollars were gonna keep coming. I have stayed for the sake of our child. I come from a broken home and refuse to put my child through that but I am dying inside. I have lost all control over my life. I am treated like a live in maintenance man. it is my responsibility to keep the cars running and all of the housold stuff repaired as well as yard work and the garden I give her my pay checks and have only 50.00 a month to spend for myself then she complains because I cannot buy her gifts. Because of her having all the money my child thinks that I am a deadbeat that wont buy any needed items so in turn has developed resentment towards me. her child that I raised for 17 years seems to think I am crazy and a lazy SOB because of they way she makes herself seem infalible. I never knew someone could feel so lonely and be surrounded by people. I have a job that pays ok but the bosses treat everyone with contempt, and their employees live in constant fear of loosing their job. I cannot quit because my child and wife I need the insurance, and lets face it in todays world jobs are few and far between I have no friends because the wife allways has to wedge her way into any friendship I develop. I am forced to stay at home because of the lacko of money and she demands to go with me wherever I go, I would so love to have a relationship with someone where communication is not moderated and sabotaged. I have considered suicide but I keep thinking that soon my child will be of age and I can walk away. I am just hoping I make it that long. | |
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There is only one thing any of us own in the world that is totally ours: our lives. Own yours. If you do not, nothing else given you will do you a damn bit of good. All you have is your time on this earth. Never let other people steal that from you. I don't care if you are man or woman or child. If you do not own your own self, you will be everybody's victim.
You seem conflicted about whether you want to leave. This is noble, and if there is a chance to improve your happiness and probably your wife and child's too, go to family counseling. Your ability to provide and nurture is tied to your happiness. Point out that you have needs and they are being ignored; you have the responsibilities of a husband and a father, but not the pleasures. This is an untenable situation. Change something and change it for the sake of everyone, not just yourself.
Children can sense coldness and a lack of love in the home too. If the marriage has to dissolve, there are ways of doing it safely. Broken homes aren't just the ones that have divorced parents, they can also be the ones that set a bad example of relationships.
If your wife refuses the idea of therapy (with a therapist, local church, etc.) then point out you need to have a talk between the two of you. Be clear about the alienation you feel, the lack of love in the home, the rejection, etc. She may feel the same. You may be able to recover (not instantly) by just having that talk. If agreed, why not try doing something romantic each day or each week? Go out to dinner together -- just the two of you. Pick her a flower, go for a walk, do some mundane thing together (i.e. clean the garage but do it while talking and/or listening to good music). Break the habit of thinking of one another as a piece of furniture in the house. Share.
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