Sometimes, I feel life is great as every second is my chance to get my life improve, work , social, relationship etc..., but another time, I feel so depressed.
I feel I am being undervalued by my current employer though I am doing a great job. apart from paid, everything else seems to be still fine for me. But the company i worked for is a small type, so no promotion things really , in terms of position but I don't mind. However, I do mind about the paid, I have been working there for 2 and half years ( since all my friends, similar experiences and education background got promotion & paid too) what do I got , not much. :( . every time I am thinking about that, I feel so depressed. Life is suck!!! I do try a few new job interview, but failed. sad again!!!!
I don't feel happy about my social life though I have some friend around,I i never feel lonelier than now, as I never feel comfortable about bringing my other half to do outing with them - 1. is because me and my other half came from difficult background cultures, all my friends are the same background like me. we normally meet up in the restaurant having nice meal & chatting chatting. 2. my other half does not eat most of the food I am eating with my friends which will be appeared a bit rude if he came with me and didn't eat. 3.though we are not going out together with friends, but sometimes we do go out with his friends, however, due to different cultural background, I tried but I don't feel I have connection with them. As their cultures are more independent from one another ( in every way , mentally, generosity, advices and so on.. )...
I don't like wasting time on the house work. I do ironing & cooking, ect every weekend, my other half is just laying in bed or sitting on the sofa, playing his phone,all day long. When he feels hungry, he came to me -- what do we go for Lucnh? Dinner? and so on. that sort of things really kill me. I dont feel has a sense of doing other things at all. Fair enough , if he does not want to talk about work at weekend. but he does not seem to worry about socializing with friends either.. all he does at every weekend is either with his fucking phone- surfing internet , the same shit every time, do sleeping, for him this is called relaxation but for me, is annoyance. Because I want him to act a little bit more active in life, ( eg doing something, thinking improvement our current room decoration and so on. but he does not have that shit of sense to think of. He might occasionally do after I request him to do it otherwise, never happen with his own initiative.
he loves me , I love him, but that is not enough, daily life is also important to get the relationship work. I love having children, but not so sure, how I cam going to rely on him, this is because he wont have any initiative doing anything. I cannot bear with this any longer, i am crying from inside of mind lots and lots of time with tears.
though he does 1 hover for only one room, he feels tired a few minutes later. So Life is suck!!! How can I rely on him if we are having kids in the future.
I don't feel satisfied my life right now, relationship, job, social, no my own community,, My life is suck & Fuck!!!
I talked to him a lot on I am unhappy about my paid at work, in times , he got enough, he does not want to listen anymore. as he himself, does not like talking about anything work related topic at home. Life is Suck!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like talking my inner voices, how I fee and so on.. I like to identify what should I still need to improve and I am doing so, but he does not. ( thats is fair enough still - different ppls different opinion!! I guess)
I believed I do a great job , I never feel I have been appreciated by superior, even he doesm, he does not show as he will not give me any money worth me.... Life is suck!!!!!!!
The more I think about my life, the less I am happy. especially when comparing myself to my friends, ( i mean in a good way, not competitive)..
I try to find new ideal job, but there is none on my way just yet....
I am sucked in my relationship now.. I dont think I would go away to find better mr right as I am not that sort girl... though I feel something still missing in my life.. to fill my emptiness. I feel lonelier now ever..
I studied hard and get my degrees & work experiences done but, my expectation does not seem to be filled.. I feel very sad ..............very depressed...............
( for whom - readng my msg here, thank you for listening/sharing my feeling though we are not known to one another.. ) | |
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