Hey,dear fellows in misery.
First of all,I know there's a lot worse.I have read some stories and some of them made my cry in my heart,and at least I know there's worse and there are so many of us.
Whatever.I'm 20 and live with my parents.I hate my life because it fucking sucks.
I am an ugly fucker.I hate my face and I hate my body.I am short,have mantits,zits,a prehistoric face.My voice is too high and I find myself fucking unattractive.I have never had a reason to like myself,I avoid being photographed and going outside is fucking hell for me because I feel so inferior to everybody.I have social anxiety disorder and depression and maybe some other problems.I've never been happy in my life,and I am afraid of crowds because I think people could see my disfigurements from little distance.That's why I feel useless and have no self-esteem.
I feel like I have never achieved anything in my life,I am socially incompatible,whenever I see those people in the bus chattering and laughing,I ask myself why I cannot be like them.I used to like human beings,but I think I am on the perfect way to hating them.I don't want to hate them,but I have never had a reason to like other people.My parents and my best friend are the only people I can talk with about these things,and my parents think I am an idiot and they tell me I should stop being so depressed.I don't want to stress my parents because I know it hurts them.
I actually think that people are very shallow,I mean as long you're cool and good-looking and rich,you are respected,and once you're down,nobody cares.I don't feel like anyone except from my parents would care if I died,nobody else needs me,and nobody else really likes me.I have a very small social circle,and those people like me.At least that's what I hope,but I am not even sure now.
I am a student,and I used to think that I was intelligent.Well,at school,I was.Now I feel like I'm going down and down and everybody else is doing their thing,going on,making progress,getting their master's degrees and stuff.I totally failed in the last exams,and I really start to think my brain's fucked up.I don't want to disappoint my parents,I thought I had chosen the right thing.But now I really don't know what I wanna become.I feel like I'm nothing but a waste of money for my parents.
I have no job because university fucks me up and it's impossible to work and study at the same time.And I don't know how I will master this shit because I can feel that my motivation's lost.I have no motivation for anything,I don't even want to wake up in the morning.Today I imagined being killed in a car accident.I know we should be thankful for what God has given us,but then I feel even more like crap when I see that there are people who suffer 1000 times more than me.
Thanks for taking your time and reading my bullshit of a text. | |
Alot of good looking people hate the way they look and are overly self critical. The fact that you focus on your appearance kinda tells me that you have to be better looking than the guys who don't even care. You can lose weight, that is very easy compared to the obstacle of having to survive in this life. Intimately women take refuge in men, so be something to take refuge in. Don't let your body go to shit, it is your temple and your future significant other's too, its what she's going to hold, so be beautiful for her. Making mental consideration for you future partner will pave the way for her to come into your life.
People ARE shallow in this life. But no-one has everything forever. Everyone gets older everyday and everyone dies. Someone might be a famous singer in this life but how long was that in the big scheme of things? 30 years? Someday things will come around for you too.
It is hard to understand why God lets children in Japan live in a radioactive toxic environment with no way to escape. But Instead of praying I live prayerfully. I think of the things I would pray about in my heart and try to be a good person in my day to day actions, rather than separate it.
You say your voice is high, I know you won't but you could try singing. Alot of successful male singers had very high voices.
You have yet to prove that you are useless. Prove them wrong. The key is - if you see yourself as a loser - then you are one. Don't do it.
Cheers.
God uses the weak, the powerless, the hurt, the poor, and the lonely in GREAT ways. Heres a illustration: A potter will take a helpless, lifeless lump of clay and then knead it and squeeze it until it's soft and pliable. And then when he gets it just right, he takes that piece of clay and he does something called throwing, where he places the clay on a spinning table.
As that clay is placed upon that turning wheel, the potter's hands then begin to pressure the clay and work it until he makes something beautiful out of that old ugly piece of clay.
God is the true master craftsman. He is a potter who is making something beautiful out of every life. He will take the old ugly mistakes and sins and make them into something completely new!
When you truly know God, you can live victoriously! So whatever the ugliness is in your life, be assured that through the blood of Christ, God molds you and makes you into something beautiful! Many people can testify to how God has changed them. Ive never heard of anyone regretting putting their faith in jesus.
Are you saved? God can turn the worst of situations into good! Joeseph was left for dead and put into slavery by his brothers, he was abandonded, afraid, probably thought his life was over. But he trusted God, he then eventually became second in command of Egypt. Without looking into the future it can be hard to be optimistic. If you put your faith with jesus he wont abandon you, he will love you and give you a new life. All you have to do is accept jesus as your lord and savior and ask for forgiveness of your sin, he will wash away all your sin (everyone has sin, i'm not judging you by what I say).
Jesus knows your pain, because he went through all the different pains possible when he was tortured and then nailed to a cross. He layed down his life for me and you, so that we can have eternal life in heaven. All we have to do is accept him as our lord and savior and ask for forgiveness for our sin. Jesus loves you with love that cant be compared, he loves you so much that he died for you. He can change you. He changes people every single day. You can say that one of his job descriptions is "Life Changer". He knows your trouble, he cares for you, and he wants you to know him. He will comfort us when there seems to be no comfort available. He is our friend when everyone else seems to not care, he provides for us when we are without, and he gives us strength when we are weak. He washes away all our sin when we have lived sinfilled lives. He is offering the gift of everlasting life in heaven free of charge, its your choice whether you accept his offer.
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