i dont know why the fuck im on this site. i dont know why im typing this.
i hate being an average piece of shit. im 20, at a community college, no friends, living at home still. i feel worthless. the worst part is, i have no right to feel this way. millions die every year due to hunger, disease, etc. no one gives a fuck about them. this world makes me want to puke.
i hate the thought of being just another person out of 7 billion. im a virgin. i loved this girl who loved me back but she was too embarrassed of me to give me a shot. i couldve had her if i wasnt such a social fuckup.
college blows. i failed every single class first semester and moved back home. i have no excuses for it. whatever. i have no idea why the hell im in college. sometimes i feel like i do whatever society wants me to do. go to school, get some job, and marry some bitch who ill hate after 5 years. marriage is a joke.
i used to have friends. theyve all forgotten about me after moving on to college. these were some of the best friends ive ever had. people that i thought id know forever. i dont talk to any of them anymore. i havent been out of my house for anything social for over a year.
im a virgin. havent done drugs/booz yet. i my as well start; lord knows im not cut out for any sort of success.
some people say theres always something better on the horizon but the amount of shit you go through to get to those moments is unbearable. my life could be much, much worse but im fucking weak. i cry myself to sleep.
at the end of the day, what makes me want to blow my brains out the most is how im just as cinical, self indulged, and self centered as the rest of the world. the only difference is that im at the bottom of the food chain.
i wish i could die. not out of revenge, spite, or any of that other bs. i just dont want to live a pointless life, working for 40 years just to retire and be too old and fucked up to do anything. i have a family. the only thing that keeps me from taking a nap under my cars exhaust in the garage is the fact it would destroy my mom.
go ahead. judge me.