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I don't want to live anymore

Posted by SarahN. at February 15, 2012
Tags: Attitude  2012 February

Since the day I turned 17 I have been making all the wrong decisions in my life. I'm 24 right now, being super unhappy with everything I've done in my life. I have basically done everything to please my parents, more than myself, its finally taking its toll, and don't get me wrong, I might have done it to please my parents, but it was my fault, it was my decision. On top of that, I also took a decision to a path of loneliness where I was happy being with myself mostly. At 24 I have not kissed someone, let alone dated someone, and I have issues feeling attracted to guys. I have very few friends, and I'm not sure to what extent are they true friend, I don't really trust them enough to tell them this things and at times I feel like they're incredibly selfish, I'm there for them in no time, they're not for me when I need them.

I have also just recently had an issue of mixing reality with ciber reality badly. I thought, still think I fell in love with a guy I met a few years back on the internet. He's basically the closest I felt to being a soulmate but not in the sense that he completes me, but he gets me in many things, but he's completely different to me in a lot of other things, he's everything I ever wanted in a guy (and I know maybe I'm making it up in my mind, but we have been so intimate that I refuse to believe its just that) and we respect each other despite of that. He kind of felt the same for me for a while...but then he found a girlfriend, and he's gonna marry her. The one thing I looked forward in my life, the one thing that kept me going sane...and I've lost him. And I know it may sound crazy, but I could've met him a few years back, but I took the wrong do something that isn't satisfying me, nor is it going to give me any tool in the future. And I know if I would've met him something would've happened. I'm always going to live with the "it should've been me" regret.

My life is the same every day, boring, I have no love, I want to have some love not because society tells me but cause I genuely want to...I feel horrible each passing day. I hate everyday. I just feel like a worthless human being and I want to die as soon as possible. I don't want to commit suicide but I just want to die now. I wish I never existed just so there was no record of how stupidly pathetic my life has been.


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By bob at 23,Feb,12 20:34

You are still young. You should try to do something with your life. Go to school. Meet a boy. I don't understand why you don't meet people where you work.

You didn't mention anything like anxiety. You can still find love.
By anonymous at 23,Feb,12 20:58

I like your thinking.That is a smart move but, you do have to go to school.Go to a different dating on line thing.(I am only 11.)
By anonymous at 23,Feb,12 20:59

your 11?
By anonymous at 23,Feb,12 21:00

Ya so i hate things to.
By anonymous at 23,Feb,12 21:01

I am meen.... I don't know.
By anonymous at 23,Feb,12 21:02

It's ok in Know.
By anonymous at 23,Feb,12 21:03

sorry I know.

By at 24,Feb,12 06:49

I feel very much like you, always lonely, not having true friends, and lost the person I love. I'm also wishing to die but not wanting to commit suicide. Can you do me a favour by coming over to kill me? Please. And you shall receive the death penalty so that we both fulfill our desire to die.

By at 24,Feb,12 11:20

everyday is bad and it does seem like it is only you in the world that this is happening too, but i am a 25 year old male and there was times i had many of friends always outgoing and enjoyed life, the situation is different now and everyday is the same and i know whats going to happen each day nothing changes, many of my friends have got children and hardly see them anymore where as i dont and still would like to enjoy life a bit, but hard finding the people, i live in an area where i dont like as my parents moved me here when i was young and had trouble fitting in anyway so even though once i was popular they wernt true friends and only assosiates at the time, it will get better

By at 24,Feb,12 11:30

most depression comes from feeling lonely and worthless but think about it, although things seem bad there are people in other countries being killed and children with no food etc, its selfish to think its all that bad, friends will come in time, love will come in time, get out meet people build your confidence back up and be a forward thinker, ive done many great things in my life and i have lost the person i loved and she ran off with someone else it is hurtfull and life is hard but you will become stronger and find someone like urself. gd luck though dont get too down thers always someone worse off.

By at 24,Feb,12 12:05

Set a target, go get it, no matter what.
Want a good job/education? Go get it.
Do what you want when you want, dont follow other people's opinions.
1. be happy
2. be confident
3. find a potenial person
4. be irresitable (looks, personality, smell, favourit foods, the lot) any person can be anything they want to, just got to go get it.

By anonymous at 24,Feb,12 17:03

You are a super Bitch, stop crying you weak bastard and maybe, just maybe you will get laid or kissed.

By at 24,Feb,12 17:55

I had my first date when I was 25, it sucked. I dated for ten more years and I did not find any chick I really liked. I started doing what I liked best, hiking, backpacking and mountain climbing.
Now I am happy.
So, go do what makes YOU happy.

By anonymous at 24,Feb,12 19:18

Your 24! your life has only just started... At your age most people are just finishing university and starting out with their lives.. You have so many years ahead of you to carry on being like this! People mistake happiness for something that just comes to them, that happiness is fate and you either have it or you don't.. But what they don't realise is that they need to go out themselves and find it! "what is the meaning of life?- whatever you want it to be"
and no it won't come to you straight away, it takes time.. Why don't you move away from where you are? start fresh! It might sound like a mission, but noone said that life was going to be easy, and it will definitly be worth it!

As for the guy... who cares about him! if he's found someone else then he obviously wasn't right for you anyway! I know a lot of people who end up broken hearted by someone who they thought were "the one" but thats all part of life. We have our ups and downs with relationships and just move on. I promise you that your prince charming is out there, and you will find him... The majority of the people I know in their 30's still haven't found the one, and they are perfectly happy with it? there's no rush! YOU ARE SO YOUNG! just get off your lazy ass and do something about your problems now! before you find out that your 40 and complaining about the same thing!

and seriously, you don't need love to be happy! Establish a happiness from other things - like friends, a job you enjoy.. and then you will find that you are perfectly happy being single! and that is when love will come to you. When you least expect it.
F**k the wrong decisions you've made in your past, the clock doesn't turn back for a reason! just start making the right ones now!

By anonymous at 01,Mar,12 07:26

So you're 24. You say you've made the wrong decisions since you were 17. You also say you fell in love with someone on the internet, though you have never met him. Being in a place like this, emotionally, is a terrible thing to go through. You don't see an end. When you're in a pit, in the valley of the shadow of death, reach for the ladder, and climb out. Don't pitch a tent there.................just walk. Seek out some counseling. Seek out some community or church based charity you can work in. Give of your time,.....and you will find out how valuable your time is. You're young. This is your time.

By anonymous at 21,Feb,13 11:12

As someone who did the opposite of what you did; raised myself, did whatever I wanted, started having sex young, never without a boyfriend, and people seem to like me so I have friends - I'm 28 and I'm miserable. It became clear early on that if I didn't want my life to be boring I was going to have to make the fun happen. You look around at your friends and wonder why the hell am I the only one making fun plans, coming up with interesting things to do, why am I always the damn ringleader? The answer is because people don't like being outside their comfort zone, like sheep. No matter which path you take, life sucks. Its nothing but distraction until you finally die, might as well make the most of it. If you want friends, you want a boy, you want fun; you have to put all embarrassment behind you and put yourself in places outside your comfort zone. You might be horribly anxious at first, but eventually that goes away. Maybe by doing this you'll find a ringleader, but I suggest you become that person. Going to college, even just a community college, is an easy way to find people your age with your interests and you'll be getting a degree on top of it. Once you find those people, start finding things to do with them; trust me - they will follow. And stop spending so much time online - the internet is destroying our will to make fun happen.

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