All my life, I crossed T's and dotted my I's. I avoided drugs and debauchery. In my 6 and a half years of college, I only ever skipped a class once. I have two degrees, with cum laude and magna cum laude. Yet, here I am... at thirty-three... with a house I cannot afford, no money, nothing in the bank, a son who (despite being over three years-old) cannot speak properly on account of some genetic abnormality passed through his mother's side. I have become an alcoholic, mostly because I see the people in my town (who do not have jobs, education, or motivation) receive money through welfare and what-have-you whilst I work and plunge into the very depths of stress and hopelessness. Why, I ask myself, do I strive and struggle to achieve what the people around me receive for free, without any effort? I realize now (perhaps too late) that if I had been a consummate fuck-up like my peers, I (ironically) would be in a much better state. All my life, I obeyed the rules and walked the line, and yet I exist (day to day) in a world that celebrates and egregiously awards the people who slept and partied and slacked and (in many cases) committed the crimes. My main interests in life are Beethoven, Shakespeare, nature & survivalism, art, literature, and philosophy. I see so much potential within the human race for accomplishment and saintliness. And yet, all I hear around me is the dreadful groan of profanity coupled with the endless glorification of idiocy, ignorance, and mediocrity. On the other hand, perhaps I should just man-up... but then, do what?