Years: 16
Sex: F
Well, I guess it's not as bad as some but, I've been struggling with depression for a very long time. I started cutting myself, then turned to drinking, and I had suicidal thoughts ALL THE TIME. I don't believe in medication so I have made that through on my own, with no one to talk to. I don't drink anymore or cut. I still get depressed like average people do. I'm still very insecure about myself. I feel ugly 24/7: teeth, skin, body shape and nose, are what I focus on the most. I'm poor so I can't afford braces, although, I brush my teeth 2 times a day everyday my teeth are still yellow. I have moderate acne + 'bacne' and acne scarring and I have more hair than the average (white)girl should have, yes, I'm white. My nose is big and long. My boobs, hips, and butt are all small, I'm 5 foot 7 (which is tall for where I am, idk about where you are) so I feel like a giant compared to most girls, plus, I'm 120 so I'm thin, which is good most places I suppose, but my friends make fun of my weight all the time so it doesn't help.
I also feel like I can't open up to anybody around me, even though I've known one of them for 9 years. I turn to the internet to express myself and show my true self, by making friends online, I finally have people to share my thoughts with and who will listen to my views and opinions. The only people that TRULY know me are 100's and 1000's of miles away. Sometimes, I think that that's how I like it, not getting close. Even though I have gotten close bonds. I have a boyfriend 4k miles away. He knows the true me, I broke up with my irl boyfriend for him. I've only had 2 real boyfriends (counting the one I have now). I say I'm in love and I think I am, even though I have very, very little experience. I've only been on 2 dates, 1 party, 0 kisses,and 0 hook-ups. I'm afraid when we meet, he'll fall out of love and I'll be alone forever and fall back into my old ways of drinking and cutting. He's the only reason I stopped.
I'm also a failure, no matter how hard I try, I get bad grades. I don't understand how, my friends hardly try and get good grades. I feel like a dumb ass, since I've never been diagnosed with any type of disability of learning. So, other than academics, I'm also horrible at sports! I can't catch, or throw to save my life. I used to be able to run pretty well, but then I became lazy and stopped. Starting from the beginning is too hard once you know how it felt running easily. The only thing I might like is art, I'm not very good at expressing myself so I try through art, but it doesn't turn out as well as any other artist works. Since I hate competition I give up easily. Military was once in my future but, I gave it up for many reasons. People tell me to become a model all the time but, I'm too scared to go for it. What do I have to lose right? People that have heard me sing say I'm pretty good, and again I'm too scared. So many things I let slip by me because I'm a fucking wuss. It's a good thing my parents left me when I was a baby, they knew before I, that I would become a nothing.
Well, if you have made it thus far, you know more than most people about me. I wish you the best. Bye, friend. | |
Sweet sixteen- so young:) First of all, you are not dumb, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Stop comparing yourself to others, and focus on what makes YOU happy. I love art as well, and all though there are plenty of people who have more talent- I don't care. You know why? Because art is one of my creative outlets and it should be one of yours. You are tall, and thin- gosh, I would give my left pinkie, to have a body like that! Be thankful that you don't have health problems, or that you we're not born with a deformity or handicap! Singing? That's fantastic! See, so you do have things that you are good at! You're beautiful, and tell yourself that when you look in the mirror- and believe it!
Sweetie, you're only sixteen. Boys will come and go- throughout your life. Whatever you do, don't live your life for someone else! You are not a wuss. But it does sound like you are experiencing low self-esteem. But you know what? That can change- it's not something that can't be fixed. Whatever you put your mind to- with enough work and effort, you can move mountains!
A friend of mine uses the whitening strips and her teeth are pearly white. Faithfully, put on acne cream everynight when you go to bed. Your nose is beautiful and unique. Wouldn't you rather have more hair than none?
So, you see, it's all in how you look at life. If you are negative, then that is the energy you put out- try to be positive, and see what happens?
It's hard honey- sixteen, your hormones are raging, high-school pressures, getting good grades, it all probably seems overwhelming. But things will get better if you put your energy into making it so-
The most important advice that I can give you is this: Don't grow up too fast! Becoming an "adult" is not what it's all cracked up to be- trust me. Savor your youth, your beauty, your spunk! Because getting old, well, it just plain sucks.
Take care,
Be courageous!
Sister Cursed
It's a good thing there's the intARweb so you can get friends online who won't barf when they see you each time. That's messy, and stinky, and can't possibly be good for your self esteem. Tell me something....do you pick off the backne and eat it like a very small snack? Just wondering, because I saw this one guy do that once, and i threw up on his back when it happened, and now everyone calls him pukey steve. Nothing happened to me though.
I think you should probably play Dragons in the dungeon of hate online, or the other game Warcrafters. That way, you could make yourself into something you're not, and for at least 17 hours a day you could be that person you aren't, and your grades would be even worse which would get you ounted from school so you could play even more online. I can see it now!
Beautiful God Princess(BGP): Hey does anyone want to group? I'm a level 86 Magic caster high elf war princess with +3 boobs and a damage over time thong!
Arthur the REAL knight(ATRK): A/S/L??? Cross dresser?
BGP: Nope...I'm the real deal! I'm even hotter than my cartoon person IRL...LOL, no, LMAO, no LMFAO!!! ROTFLMAO!!! We can private text my A/S/L though!!!!
ATRK:IDK....I'm on a big death raid of the dragon egalmarth, and it's my roll for the ring of blood drain of necromancer, with the emphasis being on "romancer" LOL ROTFLMAO do you have the spell "lifedraining?
BGP: Oh I'll drain you alright, send me an invite and then after the raid we can make our cartoon people get together and see where that goes! I got a good feeling here! We could have our wedding in your hall of guilds and our love could be consecrated by the shadow dwarfs of the elderkin wood people magicians!
ATRK:
Arthur the REAL knight(ATRK) has signed out.
js...
Maybe that's just human nature, I mean maybe it's like asking why is the sky blue.... even though there is a scientific excplanation for it , i'm just not in the mood for finding out the answers of either one of them...
Wait this comment was completely useless :D
I'm sorry i just had to get it off my chest.
It's like he/she makes a complete mockery of the person typing the story then types some kind,sweet, positive words with some advice just to justify his /her actions and make it easier to sleep at night.
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