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No Better Tomorrow

Posted by anonymous at March 31, 2012
Tags: Attitude  Juvenile problems  2012 March

When I was younger, I never would have dared to believe that the world was so malevolent and vindictive. I had hope; hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a happy future, hope for a life in which I would not feel such emptiness and loneliness as I do in this one. It wasn't because I was happy, but because I refused to believe that this was as good as it got. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I was only fooling myself. I am only 18. All of my very short life I've been deceived, I've been manipulated, I've been openly despised, and I've been shown how worthless I am. Need those grisly examples? Well it started before I was born. My parents did not want a child, so when they discovered me, my mother decided to get an abortion. The only reason I'm still alive is because they couldn't afford it. Now I think most parents would have the decency of at least pretending to care for their child, but after six months they decided instead to try and kill me. This obviously failed, and a pair of broken legs and a dozen court sessions later, and I was with my grandparents, who are without a doubt the only good part of my life. The fun only starts there. My parents were still allowed to visit me because they weren't convicted,so as I continued to grow they started cheating on each other, physically harming each other, and and eventually separated (unable to afford a divorce). They blamed this all on me, cursing my existence as the bane of their love. And the truth is, they are right. That doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I will always be alone. Lonesomeness will be a staple of my existence. I know this simply because of how my life has gone so far and from knowing that nothing good happens to people like me. Obviously I have no friends. So many people say that these days, and I don't think people truly realize what is like to have no friends. For someone like me, who sees other people and their friendships, and how much of a positive effect it has on them, I can honestly say that I feel the full effects of loneliness. If it weren't for my loneliness and the depression that it brings with it, I would not be typing this. I envy those who have friends they can talk to, who they can love and trust to always be honest with them. The few "friendships" I have now are void and empty, only existing at school for the purpose of warding off boredom. Luckily I am not hated by any of my peers, at least not openly. Although I would rather know I was hated than be living in a guessing game. I won't even get started on love relationships. I never expect to have one of those. There are many other things I could bitch about, but those are the most prominent. After all of these experiences, I have learned not to be an idiot and hope that tomorrow is better, but instead to await my eventual death.

TL;DR version: Life Fucking Sucks.


Similar Entries:
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New Comment

By anonymous at 31,Mar,12 16:01

Look: one instance of abuse is not too big a deal. Imagine it day in and day out. You think your situation is really ba but honesty: it has been much worse for many others. Build your own family and leave the one you were forced into behind. If that's the only way to mental health then I say do it.

By anonymous at 31,Mar,12 18:08

Dude it sucks but stop acting like a victim. You are in control of your life you just need confidence. Try one thing that challenges you today believe me you will see how much you can achieve. Living your life will naturally attract friends.
Good luck and God Bless

By anonymous at 31,Mar,12 21:44

all the negative things that have happened to you should only push you to be better than your stupid ass parents! you should embrace life and make your own "picture perfect like and family!"

By anonymous at 01,Apr,12 00:42

Its People who experience this kind of drama that can make the world a better place. They become police officers and councelers they make magic happen finish school go to college. in my experience it's not what others do to u that makes the difference. Its the way u react and the things you do to yourself that will divine u. Hold on to what's good Opening up your life to new people and positive thoughts. Wishing you much success and happiness.

By anonymous at 01,Apr,12 05:02

I been there and you shouldn't quit. The world can be filled with so much evil to it , but there has to be some good to it for you realize it not always good. You have to become the hope you once believed in. All I can say is Don't Stop Believeing.

By matzcrorkz at 06,Aug,14 02:40

ZRKhFk Looking forward to reading more. Great article post. Awesome.

New Comment