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WHATS WRONG WITH ME???

Posted by anonymous at April 1, 2012
Tags: Anxiety  2012 April  Attitude  Sociopathy

Where do i even start??...umm im 23 yrs old...i think i have social anxiety disorder maybee deprsion or i dont even know whats wrong w mee....i have never been diagnosed and i have never talked about it to anyone because im afraid of people thinking im crazy or they might think im weird or laugh at me.....IM NOT CRAZYY......i know im not crazyy i jst know there is something wrong with mee and i cant help it and i jst want it to stop!......if someone tells me something slightly mean i get super upset for the rest of the day....makes me feel like no one loves me or understands mee....like im worthless ugly fat...i have the lowest self asteem ..i fell like i cant achive any goals beacause im not smart enough....i try to avoid working because i feel that no one would want to hire someone like me ond or im afraid of failing.....i dont go to school for the same reason..i enrolled in college but quit because it seemed to hard for mee and gave a dumb excuse that it wast for me and i was still gonna think about what i wanted to do with my life when in fact i dont know what im gonna do with my life...tomorrow will be a year that i got married...and i have a 8 month old baby that i love with all my heart hes my world! but it kills mee inside that i dont see a point to my life.....ive always felt like it would be best for every one and it would jst solve everything if i jst died...eveyone would be much happier but now that im a mom it makes me more depressed that i still feel this way eventhough i have my babyy to care for.... i want the best for him and i know losing his mother wouldnt be anything close to a good life for him but i feel super depresed for being sooo selfishh and wanting to die jst to fix my problem but what about him??....alsoo im constantly afraid of what people think of me im mostly quiet in social situationd to avoid saying something stupid or people laughing at me or judging me.....i dont feel sad all the time....my husband is mosly good to mee he im a stay at home mom and he supports mee he buys me everything and anything i need and or want...he has hit me a few times but i always let it go because i feel that its my fault for provoking him because i also have a realyy short/bad temper....im constantly afraid of upseting my partner beacuse i feel like hes not gonna love me of hes gonna think im stupid or whatever...im afraid to lose him because i love this man w all my heart but sometimes ifeel like he married me jst because i got pregnant and he had no other choise this also makes me realyyy depresed as if my life is jst a big lie.....i try to seem happy around others because i have everything and im still not happy i have my own house. my own car a husband a baby i get to stay home w him i have alot for being 23 what else could i ask for right? .....and yess sometimes i am verry happy and i love my life and i make plans to go back to school and get a job and do something with my life but then the next day i feel the total opposite....and i have to deal with this all to myself....the main issue i have is anxietyy..ive ended up in the hospital and they tell me im just anxious but i never say whats realy going on because ive always been afraid to let it out....i have soo much anxietyy its scaryy somethimes i will jst cry and cry because the feeling is soo unexplainable i cant eat i cant sleep the onlything that helps is smoking weed! it helps me eat and sleep if not id be a fucken zombie! when i get anxiety attecks i get shortness of breath tingling of my arms and hands like im gonna faint major migranes mostly everyday...im alwayss tired(and no im nor burned out because of smoking)i feel like i cant compleate little things that i say im gonna do....theres somany things that i go through everysingle day of my life an i try to fight it and be calm and relax but what ever it is thats wrong with me it always gets the best of mee..... i can admit there is something wromg with me and i have looked into geting help but im afraid to because people might thing im crazy or something....i tried metioning it to my husband because its getting soo bad and i thought he could help me out with this but he thought i was jst being a drama queen and didnt pay much attention to me...i pretty much have no one to relate to and no one to talk to about this ...my mom and sister are very supportive with everything but i dont feel like i can talk to them about this because i dont want to worry my mom she has real life issues to worry about to have to still be worrying about mee ..and my younger sister is pregnant so i cant stress her out eather(and if she wasnt i would still feel insecure to talk to her about it)...ummm i have no friends all my friends stoped talking to me when i started dating my husband and my only friends are my husbands friends so i cant talk to them eather....i have had tons of suicidal thoughts when i get really down but no worries im too much of a pussy to kill my self and i rather live misserably and unhappy for the rest of my life than leave my baby with out me!!!..but i still wish something would jst happen to me like a car accident of drowning or a fatal disease ..isnt thiss compleately wrong??? i could keep going but ive already said enough .......it makes me soo upset that i feel this way...i dont knoww what to doo !!!! i feel like if i dont get some help im gonna realyy go insane! (to top it of even if i grew somw balls to get me some help i couldnt because i dont have medical insurance=/).......yeaaa living with this preety much makes my life sukk! & only i understand how i feel.....


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Not sure what to do... February 18, 2012
everything is wrong August 5, 2010
I hate my life so fucking much August 4, 2011
Whats the point of living February 25, 2012
Whats wrong with me? March 8, 2012



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Comments:
By anonymous at 02,Apr,12 08:02

it seems to me you may have a chemical imbalance - nothing wrong with that and it can be addressed. It would be good if you could go to a counseling center; if not at school there are free ones in most cities. But the other thing to be aware of is "triggers" -what is making you mad isn't the event itself but the event trigers some unresolved issue in you. Hard to know what it is. Evaluate your lifestyle; were are you hurting yourself with bad habits. Choose one habit (junk food or whatever) and for a week try to change it - and keep a journal of what you physically feel like each day. This will help you get in touch with yourself to figure out where the problem is that keep s getting triggered. Hang in there and good luck.


By anonymous at 02,Apr,12 23:56

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ON THIS SITE YOUR STORY REALLY TOUCHED ME BECAUSE I TO MYSELF HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THE SAME ISSUES AS YOU ARE I GUESS IVE ALWAYS KNOWN SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME EVEN AS A CHILD I COULD TELL I WASN'T LIKE MOST KIDS I WAS ALWAYS SAD ITS JUST RECENTLY I HAVE REALIZE THAT I HAVE ANXIETY ISSUES IM CONSTANTLY WORRYING THAT SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN IVE BEEN TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM SEVERAL TIMES THINKING THAT SOMETHINGS WRONG WITH ME WHEN THEY TELL ME EVERYTHING IS OK WHENEVER SOMEONE DOES TO GET ME UPSET I THINK ABOUT IT CONSTANTLY I EVEN INVISION I MY MIND HOW I WOULD HURT THE PERSON IM CONSTANTLY WORRIED THAT PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LOOKIN AT ME I AVOID GOING TO THE GAS STATION BECAUSE ITS TO MANY PEOPLE I HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING IM ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT IRRATIONAL THOUGHT IM CONSTANTLY CHECKING TO SEE IF I LOCKED THE DOOR OR LEFT SOMETHING ON I SHOULD BE HAPPY BUT IM SAD ITS WASNT UNTIL I WENT TO THE DOCTOR FOR A REGULAR CHECKUP THAT SHE ASKED ME IF I HAD ANXIETY PROBLEMS I DIDN'T NO WHAT THAT MEANT SO I WENT HOME AND GOGGLED IT UP AND SURE ENOUGH ITS ALL ME BUT I AM GETTING HELP IVE FINALLY TOLD MY BESTFRIEND AND SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE COULD TELL SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME LONG AGO BUT JUST KEPT IT TO HERSELF IVE TOLD JUST A FEW PEOPLE BUT IM NOT AFRAID IM GETTING HELP AND U CAN TO IM GETTING HELP FOR FREE LOOK AROUND IN YOUR AREA YOU WILL GET HELP IVE BEEN SEEING A THERAPIST I HAVEN'T STARTED ON ANY MEDS YET BUT THATS THE NEXT STEP BUT IF U CANT GET HELP TRY THIS OVER THE COUNTER PRODUCT CALL 5HTP ITS ALL NATURAL IT HELP WITH YOUR MOOD AND U CAN TRY MELATONI FOR SLEEP IT WORKS AND ALSO PRAY BECAUSE GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELPS THEMSELVES.
By anonymous at 05,Apr,12 19:25

Try goggling how to use punctuation. And the proper use of capitalization. And evolution.


By at 04,Apr,12 10:58

you use too many ....'s and you spell alot of words incorrectly start with that


By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 00:03

No No NO!!!! You are beautiful you are worthy and you are gods child. You think im corny all you want, but let me tell you something... You have anxiety im really not sure about depression, your mind racing? your afraid all the time? worrying about things that dont even matter? if somebody says its gonna rain do you automatically think its a tornado, u want something bad to happen to you. maybe u have depression? dont think im a know it all, find a behavioral health place near you type it in a computer... set up an appointment i was so nervous i almost didnt go in to the waiting room for my appointment but you have to think b strong b strong b strong or god protect mme u dotn judge over and over have a panic attack right there then u will get some freakin help! Ur son deserves it my dad killed himlself i have anxiety bad i have been waiting two months to get into the dr and its not embaressing do it for your son!


By anonymous at 17,Apr,12 16:28

You can encounter Christ in a very powerful way, in the midst of feelings of isolation or loneliness. Looking at the crowds of people around you doesn't help, when you feel that no one truly cares for you.

The Psalmist cried out, "No man cares for my soul." [Psalm 142:4]. He was experiencing the loneliness of isolation from other people, and the feeling that those around him were pursuing their own interests rather than showing genuine concern for his soul.

People are often pursuing their own interests and desires, but the lesson we must learn is that people are not our source. In the midst of your isolation, you can turn to Christ and discover that His love truly does satisfy. Jesus understands loneliness and rejection. He experienced isolation from people. Because he understands, he is able to bring acceptance and love.

Christ brings you love, acceptance, and intimate communion with the God of love. With Christ, you are not alone. He conquers your loneliness by coming to dwell within you. Loneliness is removed by the presence of the indwelling Christ.

There is precious communion with Christ, when a lonely person discovers that the love of Christ is real and satisfying. There is an old saying, "Blessed are the homesick, for they shall come home." Loneliness and isolation are signs of homesickness, which can only be healed by coming home to Christ.

Christ makes us whole. His love makes us whole, and out of the overflow of Christ's love within us we can then show love and compassion for those around us. Out of the overflow of His love and acceptance for you, which heals your loneliness, you can show love and caring towards those around you.

He knocks at the door of your heart; the presence of Christ is real. But He must be invited into your heart, into the center of your being.

Receive Him; receive His cleansing and forgiveness and love. Allow Him to have the control of your life in a genuine surrender, and His loving presence will fill you, removing loneliness and unrest. May the peace of Christ fill you now!

A Prayer of Surrender:

Dear Lord Jesus, please fill me with your love, and wash away all my sins. I surrender my heart and life to you. I ask you to receive me and make me whole.

Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins, to cleanse me and forgive me. Thank you for dying on the cross for me, to make me a child of God. I turn away from all my sins, with all my heart.

I receive you, Lord Jesus, as the Lord and Savior of my life. I ask you to rule in my heart and life from now on. I ask you to fill me with your loving presence, and guard me with your divine protection.

I ask you to strengthen me and help me, to live for you from now on. I ask you to fill me with love so that I can love other people with a pure love. Fill me with love so that I can love you with all of my heart. Amen.


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