Even as a small child I was unconfident, my mum told me I never made any effort to play with other kids, I just played by myself. I used to make people up, a lot of kids do, but it took me a long time to grow out of it and I was bullied terribly for it, I was also living in poverty, so all of my clothes were old and I was really small and skinny, which made the bullying much worse, and i never had friends to stick up for me.
For a long time I just took it. I didn't fight back, I didn't show that I was bothered, I didn't hurt anyone, but eventually I just got fed up with it. I just changed, I started doing strange things, bashing my head really hard on surfaces, screaming at people randomly in the corridors, breaking down for no reason in class, people thought I was attention seeking - I was crying for help.
I tried to talk to someone, anyone, but because I was always so quiet about all that had been going on no-one believed me; my parents didn't, the teachers didn't, everyone was treating me like I was the problem, like I was wrong to be me. Eventually I believed them and I did terrible things to myself, physically and mentally, because I felt like I should be punished for existing, I realise that it wasn't that I was wrong, it's just that no-one understood me. I've never spoken to anyone of it, not even my mum, I can't talk to anyone, I can't let anyone close.
I know I will be alone forever, I've accepted that, I've never been in love or had a best friend. Listening to music makes me feel a little better and not quite so singled out, but I'm always, always alone.