I'll be 32 this year, I spent 10 years in the military, and now I feel worthless! Like I've accomplished nothing. I am going to school, using my GI Bill. I feel like this is all a waste of time. I am just working on the basics, and cannot make up my mind on what I want to do. I have no idea! I'm one of those people who have been referred to as a Jack of all trades. I think I know why I like doing everything, I get too damn bored with things quickly. What the hell am I going to do! I can't make up my mind.. I'd like to do that, or this, or I don't know... I have too many things I'd like to do! Why the hell can't I figure out what I want to do.
On top of all this shit, I have a house that I had to leave behind because it's a peace of shit. It was trash when i bought it, I wasn't as educated as I thought I was when I bought it, and I think I got screwed over. My now ex wife decided she wanted a divorce about a year before I left the military.
Then we got back to togethere until I seperated. I ditched my attorney when we had gotten back together, but then shortly after i seperated the military and moved back to my home state. She decided she still wanted the divorce and stayed put, now she has my son. I pay 600 a month in child support and never get to hear from/talk to/see my son! She did this on purpose. I'm on unemployment cause i'm a fulltime student, and haven't been able to find that job that will keep me afloat financialy.. What's worse...
I can't do anything about the child support or about my son, because I don't have an attorney! I can't afford an attorney because I am living on only 1400 a month, that's after taxes/and my child support. I don't know how people do this. I tried to get help, I was denied cause i'm a full time student. WTF... I never heard of that before... It really pisses me off how our legal system works.. I miss my son soo fucking much, he's like my best friend. I taught him everything he knows... His fucking mom never did anything, she only wanted him for the child support and to keep him away from me to hurt me, she knows how much I cared for my son... If only I didn't live 700 miles away!!! I'm closer to my family which she tried to keep me from!
I can only wait and hope he remembers me, and doesn't hate me. It saddens me into depression, guilt, and thoughts of suicide to think that maybe I should have done things differently! I let her run me into financial ruin, and didn't think twice about any divorce, that hit me in the face after taking a week of vacation. I had no clue, and she never even acted like anything was going on. That day, I came home from work, after being served the papers. I acted at first like nothing had happened to just see her reaction. She come home and was all normal like hey hun hows it going... what are we having for supper, what are we doing this evening type of shit... I waited a while and couldn't hold in how pissed I was... She detected it and was like.. why are you soo pissy... that's when I threw the papers in her lap and was like WTF! Then wow... everything changed! She was a different person... it was soo fucking crazy... anyway... I'm with someone else now... missing my son... every fucking day... thinking... if my life ended now, i don't know if i would care... but I guess i do, cuz I know I can't kill myself... I have too many people that love me... is that wierd... idk... im done venting... this is just a ramble | |
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