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what's the point?

Posted by anonymous at April 21, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude  Loneliness  Poverty

I have tried so hard to overcome this feeling of self hate and worthlessness, but that's all I feel. I'm an 19yr old, high school drop out. I am so broke I can barely afford food. I work at a cleaning job that pays like shit and the pain it causes, adds on to my fibromyalgia pain. I have had a troubled past and some horrific memories that carry on with me everyday. So many regrets, the guilt, the pain, the depression. Its hard to live life when you feel stuck. I tried to end it all before, and that's when my life wasn't as bad as it is now. I feel so lonely. I have lost so many friends and so much I care about. I always try and change it around and try and make myself happy, but it doesn't last long at all. Why do we live like this? School then work until you're too old to work, then you die. What's the point of living when that's all that's coming out of life. Being a lesbian in a homophobic family doesn't help either. I already feel like I don't exist, so why try and stay to fake it? There's so much going on with me right now it would take weeks to write. I can't help the way I feel though. Who wants to live in constant pain, emotionally & phisically, everyday & everynight.. I feel so lost in myself. I don't know who I am, or what I want to do. I just want to be..gone.


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Comments:
By at 22,Apr,12 00:29

Dear anonymous,the past is the only thing we can't change, but we can change our present to make a better future.

Out there in the world there is lots of people feeling the same way you feel,and the only thing they do best is complain.
Don't do the same,that means do something about it!but little by little.
If having drop the school still affects your self steem ,take GED classes in 3 months you will have it done. Keep looking for better jobs,you may as well pay just "one" add in the news paper offering cleaning jobs and getting better money since you will be the only one working and getting payed. About food I sure that were you live there is public assistance,they will direct you to several places were they will feed you every day with out paying. You may later donate something to those places when your circumstances allowed. The worse you can do is doing nothing. For personal experience I can tell you that praying every day to God the almighty,he will give you ideas, strength, courage,guidance and peace etc.. he is the only one that will never let you down. Take notice of his presence because your eyes can't see him but you'll know is his hand that is pulling you out of your problems.


By at 22,Apr,12 01:26

Dear 19 year old anon. I don't want you to be gone... 19 is a tough age, no shit. Too old to be a kid. Too young to be adult. Please please do not employ a permanent solution for what will be a temporary problem. Most people your age have similar problems and feelings. most are not as eloquent as you in their expression. you have talent as a writer, use it...You may think I'm just an old fart talking out his ass,
but I too was a screwed up 19 year old, things have a way of working out better than you might think. BUT you have to be there...one of the best ways to get better is to stay busy, so busy you don't have time to hurt and worry, and think. Find young people that need your help, your wisdom, your eloquence and help them to help you help them got it?. never ever give up, life is hard, it's supposed to be. You are tougher, smarter, better than you know, Trust me. I wouldn't lie to ya...I love you, you take care I'll check back later....


By at 22,Apr,12 01:35

Butterfly;s got a good point. Can't fix yesterday don;t waste your time trying. Fix tomorrow instead, start now.


By anonymous at 22,Apr,12 18:40

I couldn't imagine what you're going through. I have been through some stuff myself, and being online right now is part of the reason of what im going through. But all i would suggest is, that hang in there, find something that makes YOU happy, that makes YOU feel alive, hold onto it, pursue it and it will assure u happiness in the end. Dont let people bring u down EVER!
People are never happy or satisfied, what matters is to keep yourself sane and alive :)
If ever you feel things are going over your head and you need to talk to someone, you can contact me on my blog email address: heart2woman@gmail.com


By anonymous at 22,Apr,12 19:24

YOu only get 1 life. You make of it what you want, not what others want. I know you may feel like life is not worth living and that your sexualty may not be accepted by all, but as long as YOU are accepting your sexuality all else should not matter. As long as YOU are disappointed in dropping school, only YOU can do something about it. And as long as YOU think your job sucks, YOU can change things. Just remember YOU own your PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE. Doesn't matter what others think of you and what others say, try to find a support group to help you through this but remember, this chance of living is only ONCE!!!!


By anonymous at 22,Apr,12 19:31

sounds like you need a good dose of man meat inside you

hehe
By anonymous at 03,Jun,12 23:31

Too bad you don't have any


By anonymous at 09,Aug,12 22:27

Rug Bump! Clam Slam! Does that cheer you up?


By anonymous at 17,Aug,12 10:37

wow you guys all says you are poor but they have a computer and time to write all this????


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