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Posted by anonymous at April 22, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Childhood

I was beaten and sexually abused as a kid and it really fucked me up. Im over it for the most part although im 17 and it only stopped a few years ago. My mom left and has been occupied with her life. My dad is literally nuts. He just threatened to take all the dishes/pots/pans are going to be put in storage because sobody cleans, although i do the dishes and am the only one who has done the dishes unwillingly since HE cheated on his wife and fucked everything over. So... now i have no food. no dishes or appliances to make it. no job, no firends, no love. I have pretty severe back problems and wonderful case of insomnia leaving me with 3-4 hours of sleep a night, if i sleep that is, wich has also been ignored by my dad for years.

My dads bipolar and a severe alcoholic aswell.

Ive been suicidal before when i was young ( not uncalled for )
and really dont want other people to have to go through what i went when a few of my friends decided to hang themselves. Rip.

I dont wana kill myself i just dont want to be me. Idk what to do. Join the reserves in another year of hell cause nobody will sign off on it. Im home schooled now too online so I dont really have to worry about much.

I just want to live half way across the country, leave everything and everyone change my name and hopefully become wealthy and find someone cause theres nothing in life that really means anything to me. Dont really care about education, im not nor have I ever been passionate about anything. Been to a psychologist, tried a list of drugs prolly about 10-30 kinds of drugs doing a shit load of different things.

So basically im just akward living in this shit with nothing to look forward too and everything in my past is just a scary blur.
Dont see much point in living, not just myslef but everyone.
I dont see a reason to get up in the morning, go to work, play with your kids, do to the gym come home go to bed do it again. Everything is just so pointless.
Well all be dead, and then the only people who will remember and be sad is a few generations. then theyll die. and your gone, forever.

I dont bealive in reliegon and I have pretty good reasons for it so if anyone does comment please leave the, Find god hell help you always, or the whole after life. I mean no disrespect towards anyones bealives I just ask that you do not push your onto me.


Votes:


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FUCKING LONELY March 16, 2012
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Comments:
By anonymous at 23,Apr,12 16:21

damn and u only 17, hold ur had up, it's gonna get worse. Sorry to say. I would probably have some kind words of encouragement if I were in a much better place in life at the age of 28. But sorry I'm not so it would be irresponsible to bullshit you. But thats just me, sometimes life can improve, not saying it can't but... I can only speak from experience and all I tell you is hold on. Be strong, and if the world comes to an end, think of it as a beautiful thing, a cleansing of all the bad things in life that made you suffer. The lack of humanity, the poison that made your childhood hell. I'm not into that religious shit either, finding God is like finding a neglectful abusive deadbeat father, why would you want to. What you need to do is find yourself, which I think is a lot harder then finding religion, shit religion finds you, they even have door to door salesmen for it, finding yourself is the greatest challenge. MOVE AWAY, DON'T COME BACK, I HAD AN ABUSIVE FAMILY TOO, JUST LEAVE. It won't solve all your problems and it could be just as ruff, but it will be a new adventure and part of the journey to find yourself. I don't know shit about you but I have a feeling that you're very strong and can handle this. All the best to ya kid. I mean that :)
By Cursed at 23,Apr,12 20:17

Nicely put.


By at 23,Apr,12 17:40

I don't BEALIVE in RELIEGON too dumbass


By anonymous at 23,Apr,12 21:42

what if your only hope is God?
Turning to God is probably the best thing you can do with all this going on in your life. I am not pushing anything, I am just pointing out your options atm.
What have you got to lose in christ except your miseries.
Child may The Lord give you the light in your life and may the holy spirit fill your heart with wisdom and peace.
God bless you dear


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