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Where do I go from here?

Posted by anonymous at April 25, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Family  Loneliness

I'm 32 yrs old been married for 12 yrs. I had my daughter prematurely. She is a special needs child. This was about the darkest time in my life. My husband couldn't accept it and turned to drugs and alcohol. He's never been a good husband but I dealt with it because I loved him. Well now we have 2 more children 5 and 1. He quit the alcohol and drugs and he shockingly became a good daddy. Well a few months ago I found out he had a girlfriend. He's gone at work everyother week so he had no problems hiding it. Well about a month or so into his relationship I found out. I was devestated. I accepted him back for my kids sake. Also I really don't think at this point anyone else would want me. I have no family here where we live now. I'm surrounded by his family. I have no friends, no one to relate to. We live in the country so its hard for me to get out. We rely on one vehicle so most of the time I'm stuck at home. I'm afraid to be a single mom so I suffer in silence. Loneliness consumes me. I can't provide for my kids like he can and since I quit school to care for my daughter I only managed to get my GED. I feel trapped and lonely. Wondering if this is it. Is this what my life is reduced to? Total unhappiness. The only thing that gets me up in the a.m. is my kids. Well thanks for letting me vent. Maybe some day ill see the light at the end of the tunnel.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 26,Apr,12 08:59

I know its hard, but you need to leave that loser. Because you know once a cheat always a cheat.Move out and he can pay child support and you can find a good man, or stay with him and let him get everything he wants, a wife and a girlfriend. If thats what you think your worth then your kids will think the same way and they too will end up with an asshole of their own.


By anonymous at 28,Apr,12 12:06

Become a hooker part time. Make some money.


By anonymous at 29,Apr,12 15:27

I understand. My husband told me 2 weeks ago that his cheating has nothing to do with our relationship. Yes he actually said those words. It was devestating to me. I know how you feel. I've made him my whole world for 14 years. He never wanted me to work outside of the home, and I'm domestic anyway, so it was easy to stay home. Now I have to deal with his cheating or completly uproot my life, sell my house, get rid of all my sweet animals, and divorce the bastard. Guess that's what I'll do. All these years, I knew he was cheating I just refused to believe it. So now that he's finally admitted it, I have to accept it or change my life. He never "allowed" me to have friends, so doing this alone is really hard. What has helped me is to realize how short life really is and I don't want to live such a miserable life. You are young. Take an online course. Make an exit plan. Look for support groups. Many have child care. He thinks you'll never leave him because of the kids. I'll bet he's always been controlling, am I right? But you've tolerated it because you love him. Don't think he's going to have this huge revelation all of a sudden and realize how much he loves you and he'll never cheat again. That's what I thought all these years. It only got worse. Now he thinks just because he pays the bills he has the right to have a girlfriend too. Sounds like you've been miserable for a long time, you've just put up with his shit because YOU are a good person. Not him. Don't stay in this misery. Remember, you can't change his behavior. You can only change how you deal with it. Deal with it by changing your life. You can do it. Think how wonderful it would be to wake up and look forward to your day instead of just dragging through it. Good luck.


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