So where should I start.
Actually my life sucks since May 2010.
I met someone really nice on Facebook. I started talking with him and his best friend and his family. All nice people, but I started to feel more for him. You can see me coming.
So we had this i-love-you-but-we're-10000miles-apart-relationship. We were figuring out how we could visit each other during summer break to see if we really connected in real life as we did on Facebook.
...But first there was Spring break. I went to Egypt, he went to Hawaii on vacation. We talked everyday, until disaster strikes. He had an heart condition and got into a fight. He layed in the hospital for a week and then he died.
When I heard what happend, my world fell apart. But to the outside world i kept smiling. Today, i remember him as a lovely memory and i stopped thinking about what could have been if he didn't die.
Since then everything went downwards.
2010 was the year I graduated from high school. Senior year was the best year ever, but still i didn't feel good about myself. I hated my body and all this fat.
The past 2 years I have been struggling with my thoughts and myself. Because i felt uncomftable with myself, i kept eating to control my emotions. If there wasn't any food in the house i would become a hatrous monster.
My health was going downwards. I always did some sports but i had to stop cuz i couldn't take it anymore, my body couldn't take it anymore. It's a vicious circle.
So in February 2012 (4 months ago) I took the step to undergo a WLS (Weight Loss Surgery). My WLS is scheduled for July 3, 2012.
I hope that with my WLS i can find peace within myself and be healthy, so i can be peaceful with others. I wanna enjoy life again. Going out, shopping and actually buy lovely clothes, going to the beach, meeting new people, just feeling good about myself.
Today (May 1, 2012) my life still sucks.
Finals start in 20 days so i should study, but I can't stop thinking about my WLS.
I want this so bad and i want to work for it cuz i know it'll be hard (but if it would be easy no one would be fat)!
And i hope that when i find peace within myself, my life won't suck big time anymore.
I guess Aaron (facebook guy) was meant to be. Just to make me realize what i was missing being this fat. Well, i must say, it worked.
PS Sorry for any grammar or other mistakes, my native language is dutch not english. | |
I would find comfort in that if i were you, but there is going to come a time where you have to let it go, for your own sake.
I wish that you would get into a weight loss program along with professional physical training over surgery, but if you made up your mind then I wish you the best of luck.
I understand wanting to lose weight, I was once overweight myself, but you are missing one important factor: You're already lovely. It clear that you have a kind heart and you care deeply for people. Remember that.
Doe voorzichtig
But my desicion for the surgery is something i decided a while ago. I've been dieting since my 13y and now i'm 20y. So after 7y of many failing diets i feel this is my last help. So i'm really sure about this.
And yea i'm getting over him, but sometimes everything comes up again.
He had some flaws too... But i guess my prince charming still has to come. He just got lost on his way :p
Thanks for your understanding!
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